A new study by the tar-like, semi-edible spreadable substance from Britain, Marmite (huh?), explains why Mondays are typically depressing and what can be done to make the start of your work week less awful. Here's what we have learned from Marmite:

Mariah Carey hasn't been seen much since giving birth to twins in April, so people were especially curious on Sunday night ahead of her appearance on HSN to hawk everything from her fragrances to her jewelry. And by God, she delivered.

The feature-length movie about Sarah Palin by Sarah Palin released just 10 days ago, The Undefeated, is headed to the small screen soon. According to ARC Entertainment, "beginning on September 1st the film will be available to 75 million homes" for a fee, of course. The producer adds via press release:

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. From Lindsay Lohan in Los Angeles to Tom Cruise in Miami to the Twilight stars in San Diego, here are some of the more amusing shots from the past week.

French politician Aurelie Filippetti reportedly told police that she never visited supposed sex-binger Dominique Strauss-Kahn at his Parisian apartment because people warned her that the ex-IMF chief maybe attacked women there. Did she actually call DSK's place a "sex den," though?

A team of physicists has determined that we'll never, ever be able to visit bygone eras, because nothing can travel faster than the speed of light—just like Albert Einstein said. Guess you'll never get to tackle Gavrilo Princip and thwart World War I or make out with Clark Gable after all.

It's the middle of summer, which means two things: It's hot and you want to eat a bunch of bad food. What better way to indulge your hunger and beat the heat than by looking at a bunch of pictures of our favorite frozen summer treats? We dare you to not go in search of the nearest ice cream truck.

[Image via JPhilipson's Flickr]

If you spent yesterday huddled in a corner with a bottle of vodka, crying and depressed about all of the massacre and death news that this weekend has brought us so far, well ... you might want to get a refill on that drink.

New Spider-Man villain Rhys Ifans thinks America sucks. Mariah Carey partied in a nightclub bathroom, while Brooke Mueller prepares to hallucinate in Mexico. Meanwhile, David Hasselhoff had a Las Vegas meltdown. Sunday Gossip is in deep trouble.

Norwegian nationalist Anders Behring Breivik has admitted to yesterday's bombing in Oslo and subsequent shooting spree on Utoya Island that killed at least 85, say news reports. Breivik told his lawyer, Geir Lippestad, that killing almost 100 innocent people was "atrocious" but "necessary."

As if today weren't sufficiently SADurday enough: Retired U.S. Army general and former Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman died today in Washington state. He was 75.

City workers, joined by hired helpers from Ohio, have successfully fixed the North River Wastewater Treatment Plant, thereby stopping the flow of raw sewage that was poopifying New York's Hudson and Harlem Rivers. You can swim now. [Image via Flickr]

Last time we heard from Congressman David Wu, he was BlackBerrying pics of himself wearing a tiger costume to his employees and pursuing other strange activities that led several staffers to quit working for him. Now a young woman's accusing him of "aggressive and unwanted sexual behavior."

The British hacking scandal has raised many questions, none more pressing than which fictional evil elderly man does factually evil Rupert Murdoch resemble most? Emperor Palpatine? Mr. Burns? Voldemort? Here are the best pictures of Rupert Murdoch looking evil and you can judge for yourself.

We just told you about the bear who stuck its head in a jug and lost 85 pounds. Now a coyote pup's wandering around Washington state with a damn jar on its head and can't eat anything.

Besides biting zookeepers so that the police kill you, and eating frozen mealworm novelties, what are the most effective ways to beat the heat? Well, I don't personally know of any other methods besides those two, sorry. But St. Louis motorcyclist Jacob Southard seems to have adopted a winning coolness-keeping strategy, and it's even making him micro-famous!

British pop singer Amy Winehouse was found dead in her London home today, various news outlets are reporting.

Maybe you skipped town this past week to avoid the heat and you missed your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you just installed a shiny new A/C unit and you're ready for a distraction. Well, whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the most amusing and entertaining videos we watched during the hot-as-hell week that was.

Jennifer Aniston and her still quite new man go house-hunting. Arnold Schwarzenegger just signs whatever papers are in front of him. Lindsay Lohan partied with the Muscle Milk people at a beach. Today's Gossip Roundup is acting irresponsibly.

Police have charged Anders Behring Breivik, a 32-year-old right-wing extremist and Christian fundamentalist, as the suspected gunman in yesterday's massacre at Norway's Utoya Island youth camp—which left at least 85 people dead—and the bombing at the government headquarters in Oslo, which killed seven.