We're not hip or cool enough to have been invited to the amazing social music service Spotify. But here's what Mark Zuckerberg listens to on the service: Jay-Z, Taylor Swift and electronic music.

Fertile China! Psychic dogs! Killer papaya! ADHD safety! Internet addiction! Breastfeeding asthma! Shrinking brains! Love psychology! And uncalled-for lizard posing! It's your Monday Health Watch, where we watch your health—out of sheer desperation!

Here's a trailer for Haywire, Steven Soderbergh's upcoming scorned secret agent on a rampage of revenge movie. It looks pretty revengey!

18-year-old Kymberly Wimberly is suing her McGehee, Arkansas public high school for barring her from being valedictorian because of her race. (As opposed to the equally unfair but way less depressing "funny name issue.") Kym's federal lawsuit claims she had the highest GPA in her class and was told she would be valedictorian, but got pushed out last minute for white students.

A Facebook designer has uploaded new photos of Facebook's enormous world domination facility in Menlo Park, California. Boy, are we starting to get creeped out.

There is precisely one person on Earth for whom this terrible debt ceiling debate has been a net positive: Erick Erickson, CNN political analyst and blogger at RedState.com! He's used it to portray himself as the most important person in Republican party politics, with his trenchant blog posts. Did you know that House Republicans need his permission to do anything? It's true! Our politics are just that healthy.

Among the many, many people who irk the anarchic message board 4chan, cyberbullying expert Parry Aftab is one of the most consistently despised. So it's not surprising that an anonymous internet denizen sent a SWAT team to her New Jersey home this weekend.

Not but two weeks ago we received the grim news that three of musical teensplosion Glee's lead actors — Chris Colfer, Lea Michele, and Corey Monteith — will be leaving the show after this season. Everyone was so upset! But maybe now that's not happening?

Three guys who refuse to answer for sleazy spam tactics on behalf of their startup might expect to be shunned. Circumstances being what they are, the same three guys are bathing in money and adulation.

Bros: You know when you're hanging out with a girl, and she's talking about the time she was raped, and you're like, "Whoa, this chick is totally talking about her vagina. Now I'm all horny. How can I turn this brutal tale of violent degradation into a sexual opportunity?"

Gentleman's Quarterly magazine, aka "GQ", recently sat down with milliongenarian TV personality and budding stand-up comic Larry King to ask him some weird 'n' wacky questions. They even played Fuck Marry Kill with some of King's CNN colleagues. And his answers were sexy.

Did Anders Breivik, the Norway massacre suspect, act alone? In court today he claimed that he was aided by an extremist organization with two cells still at large. He previously ranted about founding an militant anti-Islam group called the Knights Templar.

On last night's episode of Brawl in the Family, it was finally, foreal this time, Christmas. Actual honest-to-goodness Christmas, with Santa and presents and all that. Well, actually, it was just Christmas Eve. And first we had to finish a party.

In sleepy Raleigh, North Carolina sits Peace College—not a hippie school, as you would suspect, but a women's college, which is basically the same thing. But not for long! Peace has announced plans to let dudes attends. But, as a compromise, they will remain segregated in classes. Way to satisfy no one at all!

It's a brand new week in debt ceiling negotiations, as America teeters towards the brink of insane, self-inflicted collapse. Hooray!

Lindsay Lohan screams drunkenly into the void. Kristin Cavallari's fiance dumps her. Leighton Meester sues her mother. Chris Evans is "drowning" in "raging insecurity." Ben Affleck has Bieber hair. Monday gossip is a lost cause.

Although USA Today dedicates the bulk of its reporting resources to angels and infographic porn, the paper is also committed to being America's primary source of news about What Ladies Are Doing. The answer? Partying&mdashif you know what we mean.

It was a patriotic explosion of patriotism at the box office this weekend, with our ultimate superhero and protector soaring to high heights. Those blasted British wizards still did good too, unfortunately. And some red-blooded American youths played all right as well.

The hotel maid accusing Dominique Strauss-Kahn of attempted rape, Nafissatou Diallo, has spoken out in Newsweek and on ABC News. If you spent the last few weeks being called a hooker and a liar, you'd probably want to give your side of the story, too.

Though at a club full of eligible ladies, this hoopsman took a young fella home from the club. Also today: pregnant Teen Moms, celebrity dads jealous of their celebrity daughters, and orgasm classes.