Saying you follow the Moorish Science faith has become the new "I'm 1/16th Cherokee," at least among financial fraudsters. All across our great, greedy nation, people are falsely claiming Moorish Scientist status in order to file phony legal documents, avoid paying taxes, and declare one's self above the law, among other illegal things.

Here's a trailer for Battleship, a movie based on the classic board game, but really in name only. This thing, directed by Peter Berg of all people, actually seems based on something more recent.

The guy John Kerry chose to be vice president in 2004 turned out to be a glassy-eyed sociopath and pathological liar. That's bad! But the guy Kerry chose to introduce him at the 2004 Democratic National Convention? Turns out he's a pedophile and fraudulent war hero.

Scotland Yard says it's arrested the leader/unofficial spokesman of the notorious hacking group LulzSec, a hacker who went by the handle Topiary. The noose is about as tight as it can get around LulzSec now.

Bravo has released a trailer for the second season of their hit show Real Housewives of Beverly Hills and it's bizzonkers! I mean, if you're into that sorta thing. If you're into meth and shrieking and dinner party nervous breakdowns.

Counselors at the youth summer camp that we know more commonly as the "House Republican Caucus of the 112th Congress" penciled in time for a movie yesterday! All of the campers were so excited to relax a little bit after pretending to be members of Congress for so long. And better yet, they got to watch an R-rated movie — without their parents' permission! Is that even legal?

Your favoritest and blondest celeb couple has called it quits. Alas, alack. Also today: Leighton Meester's love life heats up, Hugh Hefner's cools down, and Kristin Cavallari is very sad.

McDonald's, which for years has played wicked witch to our plump little Hansels and Gretles, has announced that they are making their happy meals a bit healthier. Will this keep our children from having their first aneurisms at 12 years-old?

Lispy CNN host Piers Morgan's increasingly desperate claims to have had no knowledge of phone hacking during his time as editor of the Daily Mirror just got a little harder to believe: The Telegraph and Daily Beast have published audio of Morgan admitting to a BBC Radio interviewer in 2009 that he played all kinds of dirty tricks.

This washed-up actress knows how to go downtown. ("I'm talkin' downtown.") Also today: the continued adventures of Coke Mom, a couple unhappy with a pregnancy, and a rabbit-keeping singer.

At first glance this story seems pretty straight forward in the crazy sense: A 63-year-old Los Angeles man who was suffering from a protruding stomach hernia decided he couldn't wait any longer for surgery so he tried to remove it himself. But instead of at least using a sharp object to cut himself open, the man used a butter knife. Shockingly, it didn't work and his wife freaked out and called police. Here's where it gets really good:

Norwegian mass-murderer Anders Breivik could wind up doing time at Halden Fengsel, multiple news outlets claim, which calls itself a maximum-security prison, but looks more like a cross between an IKEA and college dorm. Take a tour of its Banksy-like wall murals, climbing walls, and recording studios in this video. [via atlanticwire.com]

A new study by the University of Pennsylvania suggests elephants are even smarter and more socially complex than previously thought. The conventional wisdom was that elephants lived in small herds that centered around females, while the males wandered independently. The new study shows that the herds are actually interconnected social groups who "track one another over large distances by calling to each other and using their sense of smell," according to Dr. Shermin de Silva.

Here's the trailer for New Year's Eve, an upcoming ensemble film from rom-com king Garry Marshall. The movie follows several couples (and some poor singles) around New York City on the last day of the year—where they all become intertwined in some way, naturally—and looks to be a carbon copy of Marshall's last movie, Valentine's Day, except in a different city and on a different holiday.

If you're going to fail your driving test, you might as well go out with a bang — and a crash, directly into the Department of Motor Vehicles. That's what happened to a male driving student (not the one pictured) who rammed his car into the side of the Roseville, Ca., DMV on Monday evening when he accidentally pressed the accelerator instead of the brake.

Ever wonder what The Office would look like if it were transplanted to Kabul? Here's the trailer for The Ministry, which will soon premiere on Afghanistan's largest television network, Tolo TV. A mockumentary-style sitcom about employees at the country's Ministry of Garbage—there's a "sleepy security guard, underappreciated butler, man-hating secretary, and bumbling Minister"—the office environment is just like Dunder Mifflin. Except with a lot more government corruption and drug trafficking. [via WaPo]

Fashion designer Alexander McQueen, who committed suicide in February 2010, designated 50,000 pounds ($82,000) towards the care of his three dogs — Minter, Juice, and Callum, pictured — according to the will made public on Tuesday.

Oldest living STD-getter Hugh Hefner's whirlwind romance with Crystal Harris may have ended in a flurry of tears and hocked engagement rings, but at least she's making up for having stranded him at the altar by discussing their terrible sex life with Howard Stern.

Much like Jon Stewart earlier this evening, Stephen Colbert took aim at President Obama's primetime address on the debt crisis on tonight's Report. After telling viewers that he expects America will default next Tuesday, he pointed out that the disastrous scenario has a silver lining: America has an entire week to finish off its bucket list! Video of the segment is above.

One day after lambasting Congress for letting partisan interests get in the way of solving the debate over raising the nation's debt ceiling, Jon Stewart opened tonight's Daily Show with an equally critical take on President Obama's address to the nation yesterday. Video of the segment, during which Stewart took particular issue with Obama's suggestion that the American people take matters into their own hands to solve the crisis, is above.