If we didn't attend the week-long Burning Man festival in Nevada every year, we probably wouldn't be the deeply spiritual, open-minded individual that we are today. We'd just be another emotional eunuch living in America, ignorant in the ways of radical self-expression. Sadly, we and our collection of fruit-flavored body paints and hovercrafts won't be able to go hang out on the Black Rock City playa this year, because last week festival tickets completely sold out for the first time in its 25-year history.

When the 200-student Bronx primary school Our Lady of Mount Carmel needed a new principal, its pastor, Rev. Eric Rapaglia, knew exactly who to hire: White supremacist author Frank Borzellieri.

Leanne Suter, a reporter for KABC in Los Angeles, was shot in the hand with a BB gun yesterday while doing a segment on weather. We can't find video of the incident itself, but apparently Leanne is such a bad-ass that "viewers could not tell" she was shot.

The city council in Sheboygan, Wisconsin wants to remove the mayor from office because he's a self-proclaimed alcoholic who recently went on a three-day bender during which he got into a fight and passed out at some schlubby tavern that, from pictures, looks just like how stale Cheese Doodles smell.

Not long ago we told you about Ryan Bradford, a mailman and writer in sunny San Diego, California who photographed and blogged about all the snarling, chompy-ass dogs on his delivery route. Yes, well, he won't have to worry about those dogs anymore.

You'd think that the successful breeding of a dog that glows under ultraviolet light would be, more or less, the successful completion of science. Why bother doing anything else, now that you made a dog glow? But no! Apparently this dog actually furthers, rather than completes, scientific endeavor:

House Republicans proved that they hate Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D - Nev.) sufficiently by calling a vote and rejecting his debt ceiling proposal before the Senate even got a chance to vote on it. [NYT]

With so many of America's criminals going the "violent psychopath" route—an overdone schtick if there ever was one—it's nice to hear about a burglar who sounds as though they derived stylistic inspiration from illustrated children's books. This person's even vegetarian-friendly.

Jerks in the federal government announced on Friday that they'd uprooted 468,960 pot plants and arrested some 100 people as part of a two-week long operation in the Mendocino National Forest, called "Operation Full Court Press" by authorities and "Operation What a Bunch of Assholes" by everyone else.

Given what we write about police sometimes, you might conclude that all officers ever do is beat up homeless men, drive drunk, and carelessly toss internal documents into Dumpsters. But cops do more than that, sometimes!

Not all robots are bad! As you can see in the video above, Trossen Robotics' DARwIn-OP has okay taste in beer, even if it can't do anything except kick the can for now. Maybe it will even let you and your fellow humans keep some Tecate in your communal slave refrigerators, after the robot uprising. [via Popular Science]

The feds are now investigating the death of Kelly Thomas, a homeless, schizophrenic man who died earlier this month after being severely beaten by Fullerton, California police officers. If agents determine that Thomas' civil rights were violated, they'll send their info to the Department of Justice, who can file charges.

Bored rich moron Pamela Geller is a big deal in the internet anti-Islam scene, thanks to her unreadable blog Atlas Shrugs. Norwegian terrorist Anders Behring Breivik is reputedly such a big fan that he gave her a few shout-outs in his manifesto! Which is why we're interested in an email she got in 2007 from an anonymous Norwegian who was "stockpiling weapons."

After a drive-by shooting involving two teens, Chicago CBS affiliate WBBM interviewed a few preschool-aged criminologists who happened to witness the incident—including a four-year-old boy who had some pretty "scary" things to say completely misrepresent!

Maybe you were out enjoying the cooler temperatures all week and couldn't check your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you're about to leave for the weekend and need one last visual fix. Well, whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the most amusing and entertaining videos we watched during the week that was.

Why do we even bother with our stupid old "democratically-elected government," anyway? Let's replace it with Apple, Inc., which not only has a better design aesthetic but right now has more money than the U.S. Government:

Another warm summer weekend, another opportunity to squander it by sitting in a dark room watching make believe. This week cowboys fight aliens, Steve Carell fights Julianne Moore, and the Smurfs fight any reasonable standards of common decency.

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The House has just passed Speaker John Boehner's debt ceiling bill — the third version, of course, after Boehner had to throw in a modest constitutional amendment today to get a few more Tea Party members on board. It doesn't really matter, because the Senate will still instantly kill it, and then... well, something will get through by the Tuesday deadline. Right? Ha ha, probably not.

Why does Scarlett Johansson hate America's troops so much? She declined an invitation from a Marine Corps sergeant to attend the Marine Corps Ball.