"Look at that plate of brownies sitting over there by the laser printer. Who would do that? Who would leave a whole plate of delicious, gooey, chocolate fudge brownies by the laser printer, and force me to stare temptation square in the eyes like that? I bet Kathleen from marketing brought those in. I shouldn't have one. Don't do it. But they do look good! Oh fine, maybe a quarter brownie, just to satisfy the craving. Wow. I ate two brownies. Piggie. They weren't even that great. [45 minutes pass.] Why am I laughing? Do I have something on my face? I feel like I have ladybugs all over my face. I never actually noticed this before, but the VP of Sales looks exactly like a Latino stegosaurus. What am I even talking about? Why do my hands suddenly feel as heavy as bowling balls? You're freaking me out! Stop it! Wait — you're me! When did I start staring at myself in the bathroom mirror?! Just walk back to your desk and get through. This. Day."

A month has passed without a single American soldier having lost his life in Iraq, according to the Department of Defense. That would be a first since the 2003 invasion. It was also the deadliest in Afghanistan: 67 are dead.

There's an intriguing back-and-forth going on regarding the movie Contagion — aka The Movie in Which Gwyneth Paltrow Gets Sick and Dies — over at the Sneeze Fetish Forum.

There's a bit of an art world brouhaha unfolding right now, and, not surprisingly, Banksy is at its center. The controversy surrounds works created at the tail end of 2007, during a project called Bethlehem Santa's Ghetto in which the famed, anonymous graffiti artist left his mark upon several public surfaces in the West Bank.

With the coming of Diddy's Labor Day White Party, the ancient druidic event that marks the end of the summer season, so too comes another ancient tradition: The Fall Music Preview. What delightful sounds can we expect to be emanating from stereos over the next few months?

The rumor-plagued actress has kept working despite, and it's slowly paying off. Also today: bad news for Dionne fans, good news for Big C fans, and the strange popularity of Grey's Anatomy.

Airbnb, a website for renting your apartment to to tourist meth heads, has announced plans for a big expansion. Which is funny, because less than a month ago Airbnb was profusely apologizing for failing to protect customers, return phone calls or even blog properly. It must be time to lean in to the failure.

What is happening this week in America's #1 state, Arizona? In Prescott a police officer tasered a mentally handicapped man who was standing there with his hands up. The officer, of course, had no choice:

Many observers have understandably raised concerns for the safety of confidential informants whose identities are revealed in the full, unredacted copy of Wikileaks' State Department cables that was made public this week in a Keystone Kops farce. But the biggest victim of the latest disclosure is Julian Assange, who no longer has a reason to demand your attention.

Tenth anniversary of 9/11 got you down? Why not enjoy a crisp "9/11 Remembrance Roll" from Phoenix, Arizona's Stingray Sushi? "Spicy crab, avocado and asparagus topped with tuna and white fish." Wash it all down with some 9/11 wine (Sake?). If you don't use chopsticks, the terrorists win. [Eater]

"Are tiny plastic toiletries on their way out?" asks AngelPulitzer-winning newspaper USA Today. I certainly hope that the answer is "no." Let's see... the answer is "yes." Drat.

Here we have the latest shouty comedy video From the Desk of Donald Trump, in which our host reviews the Dick Cheney memoir that he has not read. You might even like this one! Trump, he just knows that Dick Cheney's a liar about everything, and doesn't like to see him "ratting out" his old colleagues.

Joran van der Sloot, the longtime main suspect in the 2005 disappearance of American student Natalee Holloway in Aruba, has been officially charged with murder in the death of Stephany Flores, who was murdered in Peru last year.

Journalists reporting on Libya's civil war have stumbled upon 21-year-old UCLA math student Chris Jeon, who has joined the Libyan rebels because "It is the end of my summer vacation, so I thought it would be cool to join the rebels."

HBO finally bought so many ads on the New York City transit system that MTA let them buy an entire car. Coming soon to a 2/3 track near you: A vintage subway car from 1917, with rattan seats, a ceiling fan, and ads for Boardwalk Empire. If you end up on this car you will probably enjoy it a little, but will have to pretend you don't, because you're sick of this mind control ad immersion bullshit, and don't want to be associated with the Instagram obsessives tweeting twee pictures of it. But secretly? Old-timey transit is fun. Admit it, you want to ride in this car.

Lady Gaga has used her latest column in V magazine to go after New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn and institutionalized critics in general. She'd much rather all the bloggers of the world be judging fashion instead of, you know, the professionals.

Your crush on Prince Harry is about to end. At a nightclub in Croatia, he was videotaped climbing onto a banquette and performing a catastrophic sideways shuffle dance, culminating in a loss of balance and a dive into the swimming pool behind him. Then he gets up, pulls the ol' "I totally meant to do that," dances his way to shore and climbs out, saggy denim butt dripping all the way. Apparently if he were not a prince of England, Harry would be an overgrown frat boy in the Meatpacking district. Good to know.

Thanks to a comical series of blunders by Julian Assange, Wikileaks' entire cache of unredacted State Department cables is now on the internet for anyone to download. (You can do so at the whistleblowing site Cryptome) But that's not stopping Wikileaks from holding a fake Twitter "vote" on whether it should release them.

One-percent presidential candidate Jon Huntsman is playing a sneaky game in his desperate quest to remain a viable presidential candidate throughout the fall. He's trying to preserve his media image as a "moderate" alternative by letting it be known that he believes in evolution and climate change. Since we have such low standards for "moderation" now, this makes him appear serious. But then he sneaks off and delivers the Republican base a radically conservative plan for the economy, a.k.a. the thing that matters. Do not fall for this seemingly nice man!

The days will soon get shorter, the weather will get colder, and you'll soon have actual things to do at your job now. The end of summer sucks, doesn't it? But at least there's going to be all sorts of new stuff on television! Let's look at everything that will give us a glimmer of hope this fall.