Late yesterday, we linked to Endeavor superagent Ari Emanuel's "Confusion of the Day" on the Huffington Post, never daring to dream that this seemingly tossed-off flirtation with blogging might become a recurring feature. Much to our delight, Emanuel (who at least partially inspired Jeremy Piven's character "Ari Gold" on Entourage) has deftly evolved this daily gripe into something new and exciting, "Ari's Frustration of the Day" (which, we hope, he'll rename "What's Eating Ari Emanuel?", a much catchier title):

We can't really fault the editors at People for mistaking Jennifer Aniston for her body double. Even Vince Vaughn's confused about his publicity deal for The Break-Up. He wasted an entire afternoon pretending to make out with the doppleganger on that balcony before lawyers reminded him that in order to meet his contractual obligation, he needed to bounce the real Aniston in his lap until someone "secretly" took a picture.

In what we hope (but doubt) will become a recurring feature, Defamer is proud to present Overheard Celebrity Movie Reviews. In this debut installment, budding auteur David Duchovny offers a brief critique of director Cameron Crowe's critically savaged Elizabethtown:

"Listen, I'm not kidding when I tell you that the Church's new impregnation technology is amazing. We can start a human life without the messy realities of intercourse and grow a baby absolutely anywhere—anywhere! Hey, Katie, it doesn't look like she believes me. Get me pregnant on the inside of my mouth, right now. Just watch, this is gonna blow your mind. Ahhhh..."

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are authored by our visually gifted readers; send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line, unless you want our e-mail filter to trash your submission) and let the world know about your latest encounter with Seth and Summer.

· After cutting its prices, Netflix is kicking Blockbuster's ass, and won't stop its assault against competitors until every last brick-and-mortar video rental outlet is burned to the ground. [Variety]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Gill-Man Edition: Universal will remake Creature from the Black Lagoon, with Breck "Sure, Dad, You Might've Gotten Me My Foot In The Door, But What Have You Done For Me Lately?" Eisner to direct. [THR]
· Tony Scott, figuring that a post-hurricane New Orleans couldn't possibly be as big a mess as Domino, will return to the Big Easy to shoot the Denzel Washington vehicle Deja Vu in February. [Variety]
· NBC is reportedly in talks with Jesse Ventura to star in a sitcom, indicating yet again that the network will give serious consideration to virtually any idea, no matter how pointless or absurd. If talks stall, expect the network to spit-ball a Spanish-language Will & Grace spinoff starring Sean Hayes, "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan, and a talking carrot. [THR]
· The Weinstein Co. hires either former Miramax exec Michael Cole or a samurai warrior (kind of hard to tell when you're just skimming) as their LA-based co-president of production. [Variety]

The LAT notes a dust-up between red carpet scourge Joan Rivers and a writer on a BBC radio show yesterday, in which Rivers became so angry over her perception that she'd been labeled a racist that the force of her ensuing rage threatened to undo thousands of dollars in delicate plastic surgery:

With CBS's Without a Trace finally prying apart ERs cold, dead grip on the 18-49 demo on Thursday nights, it seems that we can officially declare NBC's onetime "Must See TV" juggernaut dead. Joey, Will & Grace, and a flagging Apprentice are nobody's idea of a programming Murderer's Row (we picture something closer to a group of autistic five year-olds clutching inflatable bats), so fourth-place president Kevin Reilly is forced to consider drastic measures to reclaim his network's former Nielsen glory:

Andy Dick is a pro's pro. After an extended hiatus from troublemaking, a lesser voraciously bisexual, C-list maniac might try to ease his way back into the tabloids, but Dick always brings his "A" game. From Page Six:

The Apprentice executive producer Mark Burnett found himself in a quite a pinch. Yes, he'd promised a bored Donald Trump that he'd finally let him experiment with a nontraditional method of dismissing inadequate candidates, but Martha Stewart's struggling series really needed something fresh and daring to make a last-ditch grab for new viewers. Burnett knew in his gut (he'd always followed his gut—always) that Stewart's lackluster catchphrase, "You just don't fit in," would acquire a heightened poignancy if delivered after the homemaker diva vigorously tossed a downsized Apprentice's salad, an exciting, filthy version of Michael Corleone's kiss of doomed Fredo. The Donald would have to settle for a special two-hour "rusty trombone" edition of his show during sweeps. He'd understand; Burnett and Trump, savvy businessmen both, know that the keys to success are compromise and teamwork.

· "They've given me complete freedom," said lead-handed Crash director/screenwriter Paul Haggis, in reference to a pilot he's doing for NBC. Have more frightening words ever been spoken?
· This Dr. Phil clip made us taste bile, not chuckle, so officially we're still waiting The Showbiz Show to deliver its first laugh. There, we said it.
· Somewhere on the Fox lot, a series of high fives are being exchanged, as the network dominated the Parents Television Council's list of worst shows for primetime family viewing with The War at Home, Family Guy, American Dad, The OC, That 70s Show, and Arrested Development all meriting inclusion. Celebratory Fox News Cafe theme menu to follow—the I'm Terrified My Daughter Is Dating A Black Guy War at Home meatloaf is going to be delicious.
· We really hate to see Ari Emanuel confused. Maybe he shouldn't think so hard about politics and just take a little cat nap whenever he gets the urge to blog.
· Also, will someone help Michael Eisner find a job? It breaks our heart to think he's sitting around feeling unfulfilled, but we can't say we didn't see this coming.

· Don't Call It Hump Night Music Round-Up: Voyager One at King King; Medeski Martin and Wood at Avalon; Kinky at the Knitting Factory; The Black Crowes do night two of five (Are they ever leaving? They're never gonna get the smell of weed out of the place) at the Henry Fonda.
· ALOUD at Central Library presents Peter Guralnick, author of Dream Boogie: The Triumph of Sam Cooke, in conversation with Kit Rachlis, the editor-in-chief of Los Angeles Magazine. You don't have to go to Danny Masterson's jazz club to feel classy and cultured.
· Spike Lee reads from That's My Story and I'm Sticking to It at Book Soup. Book Soup's website indicates that the event is ticketed, which is probably to prevent people from wandering in off the Strip to ask Lee if even he can remember the last time he made a decent movie.

Nope, we checked: Even in the German version of In Touch, Heidi Klum's baby is still—um, how do we say this without giving the little tyke a self-image problem?—quite unpleasant to look at. We suspect it might not be hers.

Our pals at the LA.comfidential blog caught up with That 70s Show star Danny Masterson yesterday and discussed the local nightclub staple's new role as Los Angeles' cultural savior:

CBS has announced that it will air its four-hour miniseries John Paul II (starring Cary Elwes and Jon Voight in a young pope/old pope one-two punch) over two nights in the first week of December. And while it may seem that CBS's Les Moonves might have softened his stance on God-heavy programming, he did demand that the series complement the network's other programming. As a result, about two of the four hours deal with John Paul II's little-documented early days on the job, in which he supplemented his papal income by moonlighting as a forensic pathologist solving baffling crimes of passion in The Vatican.

At the Downtown LA premiere of Z: The Legend of Zorro, Sony chief Amy Pascal shares a candid moment with director Martin Campbell. "Yeah, I know the hat and mask are a little over-the-top, but if I thought it would help me avoid another Stealth, I'd carve a Z into my forehead with a butter knife. Come to think of it, let's not take any chances. Help me find a butter knife."

· Spike TV outbids USA, SciFi Channel, TBS, and TNT to get a six-year exclusive deal for all six Star Wars movies, paying a reported $65 to 70 million, a great opportunity for the network to show off how well the disappointment of the three latest films holds up on the small screen. [Variety]
· The Viacom split has been sped up, and will now be completed by year's end. There's nothing that soon-to-be CBS Corp CEO Les Moonves likes better than an accelerated divorce. [THR]
· NBC signs up Meet the Parents/Fockers writer Jim Herzfeld for a sitcom pilot based on his experiences working at an LA country club. "I tell the stories at cocktail parties, and people laugh," said Herzfeld, perhaps inadvertently revealing that NBC head Kevin Reilly made the deal while drunk and munching on crab cakes. [Variety]
· The WB "benches" Friday comedies Blue Collar TV and Living with Fran. It always makes us a little sad when the first time we hear of a show (who knew Fran Drescher was back?) is when reading a story about its impending cancellation. [THR]
· Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer Films pay $1.5 million for the rights to as-yet-unpublished Ahmet "No, Not Dweezil, The Other One" Zappa novel Monstrous Memoirs of a Mighty McFearless, about "a young brother and sister who learn their family is part of a long line of monster hunters... [and who] must band together against the most diabolical creature in the universe." Didn't take long for the Disney folks to take a thinly veiled shot at Michael Eisner, did it? [Variety]

The Church of Scientology has deployed its lawyers to stop the New Zealand website ScienTOMogy.info from confusing the net-surfing public into thinking that the COS sponsors a site that prominently features Photoshopped images of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes in straightjackets, videos clips of Cruise electrocuting Oprah, and numerous disclaimers disavowing any connection to the COS. From the LAT:

Finally realizing that the even the most avid of homemade celebrity pornography connoisseurs probably have no interest in his DVD, Tom Sizemore has desperately invoked the biggest name in the amateur sex tape game in a last-ditch effort to goose sales. Says The Scoop:

Hey, all you people who care about stories of "national importance," breathlessly awaiting your fancypants indictments for CIA leaks. Hollywood's got its own problems, thank you very much, as its collective face turns blue waiting for indictments to be handed down in the Anthony Pellicano Wiretapping Trial of the Century, when we will finally find out which of the industry's players wind up groped by the cold hand of scandal. The NY Times runs down the all-star roster of names tied up in the case against the eavesdroppingest private detective in town: