In perhaps the most elaborate Halloween costumes we've seen yet, Renee Zellweger absolutely nails the post-op tragedy of Meg Ryan, while Robert DeNiro Methods his way under the skin of an utterly convincing Goldie Hawn.
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are authored by our visually gifted readers; send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line, unless you want us to lose your hard work) and let the world know about your latest brush with Tarantino at Roscoe's or Clooney at Dan Tana's.
· Endeavor partner John Lesher leaves to head up Paramount Classics, which, as an "insider" points out, means no one in charge over there has had any experience making movies. As we pointed out earlier, why is everyone so hung up on this experience crap when there are hugs to be given out? [Variety]
· Under the stewardship of Hall of Fame reliever Rollie Fingers, DirectTV posts a $94 million profit in the third quarter of 2005. Sure, that's the default handlebar mustache joke, but had to be done. [THR]
· Matt LeBlanc is producing The Watch, a film which "revolves around a team of highly specialized soldiers sent to blow up a Nazi fuel depot, only to discover they are being hunted by an evil spirit unleashed by the Nazi's secret occult experiments." And you were worried that he'd never cultivate a respectable career in features! [THR]
· Two weeks into its run, Comedy Central picks up a full season of The Colbert Report. Since we have no wiseass comment on TCR, this would probably be a good time to wonder if The Showbiz Show has been put out of its misery yet. [Variety]
CourtTV.com reports that a Mastro's steakhouse valet named Juan Anderson has filed suit against Omar Sharif, star of such classic films as Funny Girl and Dr. Zhivago; the suit accuses the 73-year-old actor of "beating him in a drunken rage and calling him 'a stupid Mexican' after the valet refused to accept Euros as payment."
Put yourself in Amanda Scheer Demme's shoes. You've already created a club so dense with celebrity-fellating self-importance that it threatens to suck half of Hollywood Boulevard into the world's trendiest black hole, and, probably as much out of utter boredom as malice, you've (allegedly!) instructed your thick-necked protection squad to brutalize a former Super Bowl MVP just so you can see your name in the papers. (Legal papers, sure, but still a rush.) Where do you go from here? Vegas, baby. Vegas:
It doesn't take a Jeff Zucker-level wunderkind morning show producer to know that the mathematical equation of Today host + celebrity cult flack = good television. Today on Today's "Mysterious Faiths" series came Round Two with The Church of Scientology (or as their representative Michael Rinder pronounces it, "The Chooch of Scientology"). Rinder, level-headed as a milkmaid, was clearly sent to suck some of the crazy-stink off the Scientology brand still lingering from the Tom Cruise-Matt Lauer interview debacle of last summer. But opposite peppy piranha Katie Couric, Rinder can only muster FEMA-calibre levels of damage control:
It's official: Endeavor agent John Lesher is taking over Paramount Classics, touching off the inevitable discussion about whether or not it's a good idea to put someone with no actual "experience" making movies in charge of a studio that "makes movies." We do know one area in which Lesher's bonafides are unimpeachable: hugging. A quick stroll through WireImage reveals that the man is a master in the art of the Hollywood clinch, pulling off manly one-arms, full-body smothers, reclined reacharounds, and the high degree-of-difficulty "four-man flying wedge" (top left). With these estimable people-smothering skills, we have no doubt he'll make a fine studio executive.
Confident that she's honed her acting chops sharper than a coke-flecked razor blade on the whetstone of Herbie: Fully Loaded and fifteen minutes on the set of Robert Altman's A Prairie Home Companion, Lindsay Lohan accepts her greatest challenge yet: trying to remember her lines while staring into Jared Leto's pretty, vacant eyes. According to today's Variety, Lohan has signed on to star opposite rumored real-life hump-buddy Leto in Chapter 27, a film about the murder of John Lennon. Leto will channel Lennon assassin Mark David Chapman, while Lohan plays a Lennon fan who gets friendly with Chapman right before he kills the pop icon. The pairing should make for some fascinating conversation on the shoot, with Leto reclining in his trailer, idly strumming a guitar, and musing, "Like, I'm a musician? So I totally understand what it's like to have all these people love you, and, like, have one jealous dude who wants to kill you? I can connect with that. So, like, I'm coming at this from both sides. It's a total mindfuck." To which Lohan will coo, "Totally, baby. Um, also, you're laying on my hair?"
· Will Kevin Federline finally dance out of the background and onto the hip-hop charts? Nah, y'all ain't ready!
· This Page Six report that Paris Hilton's latest Greek shipping heir love interest, Stavros Niarchos, offered a homeless guy $100 to dump a soda on himself doesn't sound too nice. But when you realize that Niarchos first offered the homeless man ten times that amount if he and his pals could hunt the panhandler for sport, it puts the whole situation in perspective.
· Towleroad gets an early look at Jarhead, in which Jake Gyllenhaal tries to do for a Santa hat what he's already done for a pair of chaps in Brokeback Mountain.
· In other onscreen gay cowboy news, Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams have birthed a Matilda.
Roughly every five years since primitive man first scrawled a scene on his cave wall depicting his pets brutalizing each other with household items, a "new" study arrives at the same, inevitable, ACME-explosive conclusion: Cartoons are too violent and/or too dirty. But don't blame the MPAA, says president Dan Glickman. Blame yourselves! Blame society!
· Music round-up: Pete Yorn and Friends play the Troubadour' we expect that whatever attractive women between the ages of 20 and 26 who don't show up there will almost certainly be worshipping at the altar of Bono at Staples Center.
· Renegade gameshow host J. Keith van Straaten celebrates the one-year anniversary of his What's My Line? Live On Stage quiz extravaganza tonight at the Acme Theater. We offer our congratulations and our continued wishes that every week's mystery guest be of at least Rip Taylor quality.
· The Mint hosts a Hurricane Katrina benefit featuring Chris Hardwick, Andy "MTV Thought I Was 14 When I Signed The Contract" Milonakis, Dragon Boy Suede, and the "stone cold death rap" of Cracked Out. We thought the stone cold death rap community would never get around to helping the victims of natural disaster, but there you have it.
A high-level Defamer operative filed this brief report on a Halloween party for Top 40 mediocrities Maroon 5 at music producer Rick Rubin's place, where Jeremy Piven proved that stale pick-up lines don't necessarily play any better on a night when half of your quarry is dressed as highly sexualized versions of nurses, various varieties of felines, and schoolgirls:
The international black-market trade of pretty-faced, androgynous leading men continues unabated, as reports have surfaced that Leonardo DiCaprio has been put up for sale by longtime girlfriend Giselle Bundchen. Girlie-boy epicure Sienna Miller, who only recently brought in a pretty price for one slightly-used Jude Law, put in a bid immediately:
If you're wondering why the engagement of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is dragging on so long (Really, kids, what's the hold up? We're dying to catch the fake bouquet!), current tabloid speculation holds that Holmes's father is checking and re-checking what must be the world's most complicated prenuptial agreement:
Is Amanda Scheer-Demme's celebrity-fellating nightlife empire crumbling around her? The AP reports that former Denver Broncos running back Terrell Davis has filed suit against Scheer-Demme, accusing the hostess of a racially motivated cockblock at a post-Emmy party hosted at the Tropicana Bar. Davis's lawsuit also alleges that Scheer-Demme ordered her "attack dogs to physically assault and eject Davis from the private party," a punishment usually reserved for the likes of Tara Reid after a misunderstanding involving the definition of a "bottomless margarita." Defamer's obtained the actual court filing (click here to download), but we suspect that you lack the attention span to wade through the entire document, so we've helpfully transcribed two particularly compelling sections for your convenience:
Brad Pitt and George Clooney, perhaps a little exhausted from their Las Vegas casino plans, are thinking smaller. Taking their cues from what countless other aging, well-to-do couples have done before them, the two have gone to Laguna, bought a gay bar and plan to spruce the place up into a delightful bed and breakfast [sub. req'd]:
· The New Paramount™ president Gail Berman loves to laugh, telling Var, "Comedy, comedy, comedy. I love comedies," Who knew? She's greenlit a Jackass: The Movie sequel, demonstrating her ardor for chuckling at guys who staple their scrotums to various objects. [Variety]
· Reese Witherspoon is developing the dramatic thriller The Reckoning as a starring vehicle through her Type A Films shingle at Paramount. Clearly, Gail Berman's seen Just Like Heaven and realizes that comedy, comedy, comedy might not be the way to go with Reese right now. [THR]
· More on the Warner Bros. layoffs: Warner Independent production head Michael Andreen is also felled in the bloodbath. [Variety]
· CBS wins a sixth straight week in the Nielsen wars, mass suicides in NBC's utterly demoralized programming ranks to follow. [THR]
· ICM suddenly finds itself with $100 million in new investment capital, but what to do with all this cash? Buy an agency? Encourage senior members to retire with fat pockets? Hire a small army of gold-plated hookers to service the entire staff? Yeah, they'll probably go with that last one. [Variety]
