If nothing else, 2005 will surely go down as the Year the Love Died. In its honor, we present to you the above photomosaic, made up of the misty water colored mem'ries of a year's worth of lost celebrity love (which were conveniently compiled for our looting by a third party). If you stand several feet back (say, 20) and squint, you will notice that the individual images amazingly add up to one larger picture: that of a Pierrot clown, nose pressed tightly to a ceramic straw as he blows a line off a mirrored tray, and catches a single, heartbroken tear running off his own cheek in the reflection. A thousand words, indeed.

In the beginning, God made Lindsay Lohan the Actress, and He saw it, and it was good. Well, it was decent and could carry a Disney remake. But then the Actress begat the Party Girl, which in turn begat the paparazzi-demolishing Truckasaurus we now think of at the mere mention of her name. If we could, we'd like to take you back for a moment, to the primordial stirrings of the event that started it all, as there has been a major development in the case:

An interview in the NY Post with Lillo Brancato Jr., the star of A Bronx Tale and The Sopranos, who was charged recently with the shooting death of a cop in a failed attempt at stealing Valium, reveals many new, sad details of the story. Brancato claims he had no idea his co-defendant, the one who pulled the trigger, was carrying a gun the night of the botched burglary. Now, sitting in prison on Rikers Island, recovering from two bullet wounds, the reality of the situation has fully set in:

For those of you who care not to get crunk with Erik Paladino on the Paramount lot, nor does the thought sound appealing of watching Dick Clark pretend he didn't have a stroke as Ryan Seacrest, his frosted-haired, dwarf replacement, stands at his side, eager to snatch the Rockin' Eve baton from his now perma-clenched hands, there is a third New Year's Eve option. NBC's New Year's Eve with Carson Daly, Presented by Chevrolet, promises to be the best of all possible New Year's worlds: you get the arguably talent-free host, minus the awkward All About Eve political infighting, without ever having to leave the comfort of your home! And to sweeten the deal, we are including some exclusive script excerpts so you can read along at home with Carson. We don't think we're giving anything away when we tell you a big ball is dropped and everyone screams, but there still are some cliffhangers that even the script doesn't answer. For example: Will Megan and Peter fill in the required missing statistics in time? We'll just have to wait and see!

· Extra! Extra! Smaller "niche" films such as The Constant Gardener perform healthily at overseas box office! And in blogging news, associate editor sticks head in oven over pathetically boring news day. [Variety]
· Fox pushes the release of Just My Luck, starring road menace Lindsay Lohan, to May 12, hoping it will find an audience of teenage girls who have no interest in Warner Bros.' Poseidon Adventure remake. And for the rest of us? Let's hope there's a nice "niche" film opening that weekend. [Variety]
· Paramount Network TV hires Kate Adler as their new VP of comedy. Adler used to be in scripted development at Worldwide Pants but then went on to become a reality producer on Survivor. Which just goes to prove that old saying: "A development executive who starts in scripted comedy but then forges a career in reality can still get work in scripted if she changes her mind later." [Variety]
· A THR analysis of the outcome of the Guilds' demands for industry standards for forced brand integration whoring has come to the conclusion that they are being completely ignored. Are you going to take that sitting down, Radical Rosenberg?! [THR]
· The Weinstein Co. has reverted all distribution rights of their Cannes pick up Wu Ji/The Promise back to its producers, with the new, leaner Harv just not wanting to put Hero-type money behind its promotion. [THR]

Woody Allen the new, back in top form, keen-eye-for-the-nuances -of-British-class-warfare Woody Allen recently subjected himself to an interview with Current, a college campus magazine, in which he was asked for some words of advice for any youngsters out there who aspire to follow in his showbiz footsteps:

Blogger Dorking Out had the inspired idea to take a closer look at the source code for the URL for which we y'all weren't ready, kevinfederline.com:

Shockwaves are still radiating from yesterday's announcement that veteran distribution president Wayne Lewellen had been fired from his post of 33 years by turning-out-to-be-not-so-nice New New Paramount head Brad Grey, a man who enjoys firing people in the same way others might enjoy, say, golf. Page Six has further details:

· This is how Michael Vale, who passed away Christmas Eve, became the Dunkin' "time to make the" Donuts guy.
· Just to give you an indication of what we're working with, here is one of today's more compelling headlines: Mira Sorvino Made Honorary Pa. Deputy.
· Wasn't there a Seinfeld about this once?
· Single? Looking? Have we got a guy for you!
· Dave White helps us sort through the year's best worst movies.
· Sylvester Stallone's Pathetic Projects Make Headlines, Chapter XXXVII: Sly Vs. Sly.

· Wednesday night music: Punk cabaret duo The Dresden Dolls perform at Jensen RecCenter Studio in Echo Park, and the Echo features its regular Wednesday night dancehall extravaganza, Dub Club, featuring MC's Jah Faith, Chicho Don & Benjahmin. Ribbiiit!
· Not to get heavy, but isn't it about time you started thinking about your place in the universe? Ethan Kleinberg signs and discusses his book Generation Existential, about the impact of Heidegger s philosophy, at Dutton's Beverly Hills.
· The New Beverly is screening "rare and unseen Orson Welles film clips." We hear they are the Citizen Kane of rare and unseen film clips!

People magazine reports that Jessica Simpson, having spent a full two weeks mourning the dissolution of her sham marriage to Nick Lachey, has already found her groove again in the form of a $3 million home in Beverly Hills:

Greetings, my fellow ill-fated deskbound worker elves! This is just a little reminder from your associate editor that Mark is on vacation this week, so it's just you, me, and ghost town LA for the next couple days. Say, we know what will cheer you up: A Defamer operative sent in this rare triple spotting of two well known actors (both reportedly Scientologists), and a reality TV star (religious or cultic affiliations indeterminate), at the Silver Lake Echo Park* hipster hangout, the Short Stop!

Boing Boing notes an interesting bit of dialogue from the original Syriana script, pictured above, that didn't quite make it to the screen:

It was the unlikeliest of pairings: She, a Kennedy, tireless founder of the Special Olympics, mother to the first lady of California, and 51 years his senior; he, a movie star whose career was launched on the popularity of his self-styled televised scrotum-stapling showcase. They met at a promotional event, and the attraction was immediate he was a sucker for her irresistible grin and flowing locks of snowy blond hair (his favorite); she, his dashing good looks and proper erectile functioning. Yes, he was married. But so was she. That just made it hotter. Before you knew it, it was every second weekend at the Cape for another "Ringer junket."

When last we checked in with darling-faced actor Chris Klein, he was waxing misogynistic with a rapt Elle reporter about his hobby of telling the women he sleeps with they look fat, while cautiously side stepping any questions about his ex-fiancee Katie Holmes, her engagement to Tom Cruise, or her meticulously constructed habitat at the Scientology Zoo and Nature Preserve. Now Klein says he has declined even to send Katie something fuzzy for her little bundle of contractual obligation on the way:

· Heads at the New New Paramount continue to roll! Veteran Paramount distribution president Wayne Lewellen, described as "part of the studio's old guard," (italics ours) is sensitively drop kicked in time for the new fiscal quarter and replaced with DreamWorks' Jim Tharp. [Variety]
· A noted lead actor on a TV comedy is making his feature film directing debut in a movie about "alienated youths in suburban New Jersey." No, this isn't a two-year-old story about Zach Braff and Garden State. It's Entourage's Kevin Connolly directing The Gardener of Eden, produced by his buddy Leonardo DiCaprio. [Variety]
· Oxygen network orders 10 episodes of The Janice Dickinson Project, a reality show about the self-anointed "first supermodel," in the hopes of netting the women's network the highly coveted 50-79 "nightmare bitch" demographic that is so attractive to advertisers. [Variety]
· VH1 will launch a new show called Web Junk 20 in January, a weekly top 20 featuring the hottest viral internet videos. So basically, by the time the Chronic(What)cles of Narnia goes from SNL, to the internet, then back to TV, it will surely be as hysterical as the first time you saw it. [THR]
· A conservative media watchdog group called The American Family Association is stepping up its campaign against NBC's upcoming series, Daniel, which their website claims is about a "drug-addicted Episcopal priest whose wife depends heavily on her midday martinis," or, as it was pitched in the room, "Thornbirds meets Will & Grace." [THR]

Blogger The Apiary has compiled the latest sightings of Mike Myers sent into our New York City-mouse cousin Gawker. Myers, we recently noted, has announced the unfortunate end of his seemingly happy marriage. While his publicist's statement revealed very little about what went down, the Gawker Stalker story, told from several strangers' corroborative eyes, gives us a fuller picture of a man in a state of ever-deepening despair:

Stuck in town and still not sure about your New Year's Eve plans? Pamela Anderson has just turned that issue into a no-brainer: Simply join her and a few thousand of her closest recreational investors friends on the Paramount lot for the Party of the Year!

An ABC publicity photo promoting their annual depressing-party-in-a-box, New Year's Rockin' Eve, is causing controversy for having Photoshopped in a smiling, fully upright, pre-stroke Dick Clark next to co-hosts Hilary Duff and Ryan Seacrest:

· Color us shocked: Us Weekly has another celebrity engagement exclusive. This time it's Tori Spelling (who isn't even divorced from husband #1 yet) and her boyfriend of four months, Canadian actor Dean McDermott, who according to IMdB "loves to play golf," and "owns two Golden Retrievers." As if being Canadian wasn't boring enough!
· The LAT profiles mother of dreamy-eyed, gay-cowboy-illusionist Jake Gyllenhaal (and screenwriter in her own right) Naomi Foner.
· Turns out comedian Mitch Hedberg did die of an overdose.
· Blogger Thighs Wide Shut argues the case for Munich, and we heartily agree. We particularly enjoyed the paragraph covering how well the goyische cast (the Jewish Caesar, the Jewish Bond, the Jewish Sade and the Jewish Hulk) infuse their characters with Hebraic realness.
· SNL may have finally produced its first new breakout star since Will Ferrell, but it took the internet to do it.