In our second edition of Living Lohan’s most valuable lessons as taught by Professor Dina, we couldn’t help being distracted by our studies in good parenting by upcoming rapper Ali’s sudden, unexpected and quite exciting new personality. Did the former zombie-ish little Lohan really just throw a fit? Yell at the almighty Dina? As captivated as we were by this week’s tips from Dina, lovingly crafted by Defamer Video Vixen Molly McAleer, we must note our newfound appreciation for this screaming version of little Ali. It’s like, we can’t put our finger on how exactly she’s changed but, oh wait! Yes, she’s showing her very first signs of Becoming Lindsay. Finally, the process begins. With that, we present three rules of manicured thumb we learned from the big D last night:

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

We admit there's not a whole lot of shattered Earth to be found in Sunday's NY Times survey of the limping, lethargic new/old MGM (i.e. deep library, shallow future). Hats off to chairman Harry Sloan, though, for abandoning the low-energy talking points early on in the process and getting straight to the bitchslappy good stuff — whacks at his own new premium-cable partners ("If you don't have a major summer and a Christmas picture, you're not a player at the studio level. ... The best you're going to be is Lionsgate") and theatrical pals ("I thought I was making a deal with the guys who'd just come off Oscars for Chicago, Gangs of New York and Aviator," he said of the Weinstein Company. "Instead they went to the festivals, picked up movies and arbitraged MGM's deal on Showtime").

Here we go again! VH1 (who else?) has just greenlit Scream Queens, a reality show in which 10 unknown actresses desperate to be the next Jamie Lee Curtis or Janet Leigh will compete for a starring role in an upcoming “major” Lionsgate film. And boy are they excited — one Lionsgate rep tells THR that “discovering new talent is always exciting,” while another chimes in by teaching us that “VH1 has had a tremendous track record in launching alternative programming that captures viewers' imaginations.” Yes, yes it does! Our brains have been expanded by Viacom's ongoing carnival featuring women degrading themselves in hot tubs and music execs attempting to Make A Band, Any Band Will Do quarter after quarter. But with a reputable horror studio behind Scream Queens and the fact that scary movies have launched more than a few major careers, this one may put its You’re The One That I Want and It Factor predecessors to shame. We look back at five recent Next Big Thing reality shows in an effort to place our bets:

While it's tracking nicely and all set to smash Friday the 13th's other green menace—The Happening—into M. Night Smithereens, Universal is still not taking any chances on getting The Incredible Hulk word out. Besides the new one-sheet featuring a Herb Rittsian, rear-view shot of the verdant one filling out a pair of Levis HulkFit™ jeans (one must never underestimate the power of the all-mighty gay dollar!), a new TV spot puts what was supposed to be a surprise cameo—Robert Downey Jr.'s Tony Starke, aka Iron Man, aka the new Marvel-Universal Quality Assurance Seal of Approval mascot—at the very top, there to ease the concerns of a traumatized fanboy nation who still wake up in cold nightsweats screaming, "ANG LEE'S TAKE ON THE MATERIAL WAS ENTIRELY TOO CLINICAL AND ROBBED OF ALL HULK-SMASH PASSION!" The two may eventually go on to fight alongside one another in The Avengers movie, something hinted at by Iron Man's own super-secret-surprise cameo—which revealed itself only to moviegoers who sat through the credits. If you missed it, it's after the jump:

ManojWatch has been underway at Defamer long enough to know that the director's latest, The Happening, faces a bit of an uphill climb when it reaches theaters at last this Friday. But while previously we'd only had one anonymous review and a pair of introspective pre-mortems with the "press-shy" Shyamalan — the latest appearing yesterday in the LA Times — the film officially screened for press for the first time on Sunday evening. Naturally 20th Century Fox lost our invitation (and thus, we suppose, instructions for a review embargo — we'll never know!) in the mail, but we heard from a reviewer who was there and has new word on Manoj's Folly:

The Primetime Emmy nominations will be announced next month, and the "For Your Consideration..." ads are in full beg mode. Will William Shatner and James Spader get their 110th nominations? And what of Kelsey Grammer, late of the sorta-okay-but-canceled Back to You? Will Sideshow Bob become one of lady Emmy's most winningest? Magazines like Entertainment Weekly have already run articles listing their ideal Emmy nominees, so we thought we'd follow suit. How about some love for The Paper? And what of the criminally (heh) overlooked The Wire? After the jump find some (maybe out-there) suggestions for each of the Big 10 categories.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

Just in case you haven’t already sunk into a envy-induced stupor reading story after story on how much cash Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are spending on the Chosen Two, the NY Daily News chimes in today to ensure you finally succumb to full-fledged depression. On top of the reported $20 million the pair is spending on French villas, armed cars, and getaway helicopters, not to mention Brad’s uber-modern shopping spree on oddly shaped furnishings for said villas, the king and queen of Wombwatch Central are finally getting around to the nursery. And this is not just any other nursery — need we remind you, this haven will serve to protect the most important little girls ever born. And from the sound of it, Brangelina are well aware of this. The breakdown, including how much more dough these brats-to be are costing the pair via newborn necessities like chandeliers and cashmere toys, after the jump.

We were with Joel Silver up to a point in his career-counseling session last night with Denise Richards, whose professional fork in the road towered above the myriad harrowing dilemmas faced on It's Complicated. Playboy encore? B-movies? Something more conservative? How about more television, suggested Silver and his right-hand woman Susan Downey — a sitcom, maybe? Something to highlight the actress's sterling sense of humor and cosmic, cosmetic comeliness? She was so good on Spin City, you know? And the hours are convenient for a mother! More importantly, however: What would Neo from The Matrix do? We're not sure if Richards plans to take Silver's advice or if she just always looks the way she does at the end of the scene; you be the judge after the jump. [E!]

· Hot-new-screenwriting-thing Dan Mazeau has been hired by DreamWorks to whip the script for Untitled Doug Liman Moon-Colonizing Project Starring Impossibly Swoony-Eyed Lunar-Settling Dreamboat Jake Gyllenhaal into shape. [THR]
· Top-rated GSN poker shows High Stakes Poker and World Poker Tour have yet to be renewed, and many fans are concerned that the new network president David Goldhill might cancel them. Asked to comment, Goldhill played things close the vest, peering out from beneath the rim of his lucky Harrah's sun visor in a pair of wraparound Blublockers as he gnawed silently on a complimentary chicken wing. [THR]
· VH1 orders Scream Queens, a reality show that attempts to find America's Next Top Co-Ed Who Insists on Wandering into the Laundry Room Alone Knowing A Killer Is Loose on Campus. [THR]
· Amber Tamblyn will star in ABC's The Unusuals, playing "Detective Casey Shraeger, a smart cop who also is the black sheep of her wealthy family." [THR]
· Harrison Ford's next role will be playing the real-world dad who stopped at nothing to find a cure for his son's rare condition. Just to clarify, this character is not Indiana Jones, and his son's condition is not Ow LaBeouf's Balls. [Variety]

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

Nicole Kidman’s rehabbed, country-crooning husband Keith Urban has infinite knowledge on many things: how to prepare cocaine for free-basing, which hair salons in Australia promise the best blond guylights and where one can pick up a sweet pair of skintight leather pants. But one area of expertise Urban hasn’t quite nailed down yet is this whole baby business. At the CMA Awards on Friday night, reporters bombarded the surprise performer with the inevitable string of wombwatch-related questions, one of which involved the topic of gifts the odd couple have received for the upcoming celeb spawn:

Sidelined with a creative misfire so severe in Elizabethtown, the entire movie needed to be checked into Cirque Lodge for depression, Cameron Crowe is finally back doing what he was born to do: putting together kickass movie soundtracks. From Variety:

Many of us learned more than we needed to about that trendy college dorm infection known as pink eye from Knocked Up and Stephen Colbert. In the elegant Apatow flick, we learn that farting on pillows will cause it, and on a recent Colbert Report, Stephen noted that farting on your boss’s computer is not cool, because of the e. coli and the, well, okay we’re done. But sadly the itchy inflammation is in the headlines once again thanks to Anne Hathaway, who delighted reporters recently by recalling her snotty, puss-filled, tear-blubbering kissing scene with Steve Carell while shooting Get Smart. As she said to Steve at the time, “My eye is red, puffy and dripping green — I'm snotty, and I'm just like 'Come here!'” Though Anne blames the irritation on sinus problems and the like, we wouldn’t be surprised if Anne’s slime actually came from her slimeball of a beau, considering a piece in today’s NY Post reveals the lawbreaker is in trouble yet again:

It's a shocker, we know: Leonardo DiCaprio is set to star in yet another biopic, this time as Atari founder Nolan Bushnell. The Hollywood Reporter notes that screenwriters Brian Hecker and Craig Sherman sold their script Atari to Paramount on Friday, with DiCaprio's Appian Way shingle producing the story of "the godfather of the video game industry," whom we'd probably like just fine were he not also the shithead who foisted the Chuck E. Cheese chain on an unsuspecting American public.

[Photo Credit: X17]

Whether you spent your Sunday pridefully snorkeling Jäger bombs in WeHo or simply watching the Lakers' Championship hopes slip away, chances are, you're feeling pretty gnarly this morning. Here's some box-office-numbers hair of the dog to ease your crushing hangover:

While the rumors of the CW's demise haven't quite been greatly exaggerated, they're looking a little premature this morning as news of the network's upfront success trickles out. Amid panic over plunging ratings and the looming ouster of boss Dawn Ostroff, the House of Gossip Girl apparently wrapped up its advance sales with as much as $370 million — about half of last year's numbers but not half-bad under the circumstances. 90210 apparently speaks for itself, after all:

Despite having apparently cleaned up her boozy gurney act, finding a new boyfriend who doesn't wear wifebeaters and even spending quality mini-SUV-riding time with Sean Preston and The Other One, Britney Spears has still been getting flack from the press. Why? Namely because she's been seen looking slightly less svelte than usual while covering her belly (which, of course, leads to unwed-mom pregnancy stories). But comeback number infinity is still chugging away! Last week, we reported on her planned string of "flashy" shows in Vegas, and now we learn that Spears has reportedly undergone a rapid weight loss using none other than the Victoria Beckham starvation method. Details on what Spears has been replacing her Cheetos with, how she's comparing to Posh these days and the exact dimensions of her new dress size (you know you want to know) after the jump.