As we sadly noted earlier this month, soon-to-be-dad and LA’s resident surfing community iconoclast Matthew McConaughey had quite the rambunctious stay in Nicaragua earlier this month, “dirty-dancing” his way through every girl at a bar and drunkenly diving into sewage ditches searching for his beloved flip-flops. But more details about the chest-baring rabblerouser’s boozy nights are now coming out, and despite his endless attempts to kiss and “put the make on every woman in his path,” McConaughey reportedly wound up going home with two male bar buddies instead. And his two new guy pals in question made it all the way to his hotel room. What happened once the threesome got there, after the jump.

Not that claims like these are shocking when you’re part of that wild fame-chasing bunch currently Living Lohan, but Star is reporting that one of Michael Lohan's old flings has taken a paternity test to prove her 13-year old daughter is the newest member of everyone’s favorite dysfunctional family. According to the mag, a Montana woman named Kristi Kaufmann is coming forward to “make sure the truth comes out...‘My daughter has a right to know who her father is — and it’s Michael.’” Now married to a new cowboy hat-wearing realtor, the 44-year old’s claims aren’t exactly being denied by the wig-loving Born Again. Michael’s ambiguous response, and whether or not the details and timing supplied by Kaufmann support the possibility that Lindsay Lohan has yet another little sister who will inevitably want to "be just like her," after the jump.

Nine out of ten talking heads agree, nothing clears your mental palate in advance of the weekend like tearing into a hearty Dirt Sandwich. No matter what happened to you during the work week, Molly McAleer's compilation of the week's best moments from the world of celebrity infotainment will cure what ails you. You get called "oily" on national TV? Try a Dirt Sandwich. You end up in sex tape with Mini-Me? Try a Dirt Sandwich. You set off a brawl between the Paps and the Surfs? Try a Dirt Sandwich. Short of a fistful of paco, nothing will turn that end-of-week-frown upside down faster than a Dirt Sandwich. Enjoy!

So far, I haven't had the best luck convincing guests to join me on the To Do videos via satellite, but when Gramforce-1 called me and said that he got Rosie O'Donnell to co-host this weekend's To Dos with me, I was thrilled. I mean, have you seen Car 54 Where Are You? But the Rosie we got was a lot closer to that sea monster she played on The View than the delightful Lucile Toody. See for yourself after the jump!

[Photo Credit: X17]

In what sadly may become a regular feature of our industry coverage here at Defamer, we feel compelled today to recap one of the ugliest weeks in recent memory among those toiling in the independent-film trenches. if you haven't been able to keep it all straight before now, please read on (and keep the liquor handy):

Right on the heels of Mary-Kate Olsen's passive aggressive jabs at ex-classmate and David Letterman punching bag Spencer Pratt last night, the professional Hollywood sleazeball has promptly retaliated by releasing a few downright cruel and unoriginal insults to Us today. As Pratt tells the weekly:

Last November, the currently off-the-radar Hilary Swank appeared on Oprah and proved just how much holier she is than drug-addled Swank’d victim Chad Lowe by cutting off nine inches of her hair for cancer research. Claiming she’d “been growing her locks long so she could donate them to a cancer sufferer, ‘knowing that it would go to a woman in need,’” Swank’s return to the short hair style that won her an Oscar was clearly a charitable and warm-hearted gesture. But after seeing these photos of Swank taken over the weekend, in which the Oprah-styled chin-grazing look has been replaced by a very Brandon Teena-like cropped cut, we realized the sacrificial gesture will also benefit another worthy cause: the Hilary Swank Oscar-Baiting Campaign! How Swank is saving both cancer victims and her career, plus a closer look at her return to he-she hair, after the jump.

Join us today in mourning a true, trashy landmark among film locations, which Top Gun immortalized with a simple declaration of lust 22 years ago and which a fire completely gutted Thursday afternoon. Yes, folks, San Diego's Kansas City BBQ — where Tom Cruise warbled, ahem, "Great Balls of Fire" to Kelly McGillis and where Meg Ryan ordered Anthony Edwards to "take me to bed or lose me forever" — is but a charred, smoky memory:

The Ballad of Anne and Raffaello took perhaps its most distressing turn this morning when it was revealed that in all the oily-boyfriend dumping and alleged deity-swindling, a 2-year-old is perilously caught in middle. But little Esmeralda won't be in limbo for long, we hear — not if an ally of jailed Hathaway ex Raffaello Follieri gets his way:

Thanks this week go to Chelsea Art Museum, Honda Fit, Jet Blue, MGM Grand Foxwoods, Three Olives, Top Tips for Girls and Windows Live Search. If you would like to join this esteemed group of Defamer advertisers, all of the requisite information can be found here.

Mary-Kate Olsen is en fuego these days. First she proved that she's able to smile without looking like Renee Zellweger, then her Wackness co-star Ben Kingsley announced she is quite the siren when it comes to on-screen kissing skills, and now she's teamed up with David Letterman to slowly and swiftly decapitate Hills villain Spencer Pratt. On Dave's couch to plug her film, MKO's stoner voice waxed rhapsodically about her hippiefest of a birthday celebration at Bonaroo, and what it was like to, as Dave put it, "kiss a really old guy." But things turned far more interesting after Olsen slyly inserted the robotic nobody Pratt into the conversation. And Dave couldn't have been more pleased. Hear what MK had to reveal about going to high school with Pratt, and join us in applauding her ability to spark an insult-laden bout of commentary from Dave regarding the "wormy," "oily" Pratt.

Just a few days ago, we outlined our top three reasons as to why Madonna and her (current) husband Guy Ritchie will never be having "incredible sex" again. Well, it seems that we can now add a fourth reason to that list — Madonna has reportedly enlisted the counsel of top notch British lawyer solicitor Fiona Shackleton. Before you dismiss "Steel Magnolia" (no really, that's her nickname) as being nothing more than the English version of Arnie Becker, it's worth noting that she is the tiny, dental-hygiene-challenged island's highest profile divorce litigator, having negotiated both Prince Charles' and Paul McCartney's divorce (the latter of whom left his case $50 million poorer). However, lest you think that Madge is driving this lorry all by her lonesome, it's worth noting that Guy Ritchie seems to be just as fed up with Madonna as she is with him. Quoth The Daily Mail:

It's funny — we were just talking to someone last week about the slow decline of Lawrence Kasdan, who wrote and/or directed some of the '80s best films of their respective genres, including The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Body Heat, Silverado and The Big Chill. Little did we know how desperately he seems to regret not having a piece of the cult 1981 sword-and-sandals classic Clash of the Titans, a Kasdan-written, Louis Leterrier-directed remake of which is now on the way from Warner Bros.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

Only when we accidentally stumble upon Ted Casablancas and his long-winded, sinewy blind items do we realize how sorely we’ve missed them. The painfully obvious hints, the ridiculous nicknames – and today, one of the first blind items we’ve read in a while that doesn’t out any closeted actors:

We know pretty much everyone in the world except a few drones at Defamer HQ can't seem to wait for noted genre waffler Guillermo del Toro's take on The Hobbit, previously reported as a pair of films he'd make over several years in New Zealand with producer Peter Jackson at his side. But last night at the LA Film Festival, where his Hellboy II will premiere Saturday night, del Toro kicked Middle-Earth off its axis by hinting that he wasn't beholden to a second film at all. Not only that, but he confessed an antisocial streak suggesting he might kill the project just to watch it bleed.

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

Welcome back to Defamer Attractions, your handy cheat sheet to the best and worst of this weekend at the movies. Not that a new Pixar film requires much tire-kicking ahead of time, or that we haven't already spilled our guts about its gloriously confectionery pop-trash competition, or that last weekend's biggest disappointment wasn't assured to hemorrhage more money in week two. But! You shouldn't attempt to get by without our underdog pick or a typically scintillating scan of the latest DVD releases. As always, our predictions are not only our own, but also the very soul of precision. You can thank us later!

Dan Klores is the smartest man in PR. That's because he's not in PR any more. He founded his eponymous agency, which made (and still makes) him a ton of money, and then decided, "You know what? Fuck this shit. I'm gonna make movies." Now he spends all his time making (actually good!) documentaries and hosting soirees for various power brokers, without ever having to deal with the actual PR industry much. And he's about to move further up the entertainment industry food chain, because HBO has signed him to direct a movie version of his Believe-it-or-not psycho documentary Crazy Love. This, I will watch.