And You, And You, And You—You're Gonna Wed Her. Jennifer Hudson was given the greatest gift for her 27th birthday any ascendant American Idol also-ran could ever ask for: an engagement ring from her boyfriend, David Otunga. Like his fiancee, Otunga himself is a notable reality TV runner-up, having been passed over for lifetime studding services by a professional skank on VH1's I Love New York 2. Back then, the world knew him as Punk; but from here on out, it's Mr. That Guy With J-Hud. Congratulations to the happy couple! [AP]

We don't generally turn to inspirational humanitarian news for our gossip, but that's where we found sort of an accidental blind item hiding in plain sight over the weekend. According to the OC Register, a 17-year-old Zimbabwean boy named Beloved traveled to the States last year for reconstructive surgery on his face; he had been disfigured in a land-mine explosion when he was 10. The cost: $180,000, which a charity administrator named Jennifer Trubenbach had reportedly wrangled from a "movie star, whose face is a common sight in celebrity magazines." And why won't she name him? Because the next thing she knew, the star yanked the cash:

The Emmys, Oscar's Paste-Eating Cousin™, will broadcast live on ABC this Sunday, presided over by a Frankenhost monster conceived in a test tube by devious tinkerers from the science wing of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences. The Creative Arts portion of the awards, however, were held Saturday at the Nokia Theater. It was an evening for some of the year's more specialized TV achievements—from those of Matt Damon-fornicating singer-songwriter Sarah Silverman to the hairdo Michelangelos of Mad Men, spinning beehives into gold—to receive their due. Kathy Griffin took best reality program for her second year in a row, this time eschewing acceptance speeches commanding the Prince of Peace to "suck it" in favor of less blasphemous shows of appreciation. From Gold Derby:

It's apparently Male Pulchritude Day here at Defamer, and we could hardly let such a momentous holiday pass without a tip of the hat to erstwhile Monkee Davy Jones. It seems that when one shirt closes, another one opens, for the stunning new refusal of Mario Lopez to go barechested has been shown up by Jones's surprising willingness to air out his rack in concert. The Daily Mail has all the age-inappropriate details (in an article helpfully titled, "Hey, Hey I've Got Man Boobs!"):

Click to viewBoomp3.com A reunion of TV teen icons took place at the conclusion of the star-filled Nautica Malibu Triathlon when Saved by The Bell stars Tiffani Thiessen (AKA Kelly Kapowski) ran into Mark-Paul Gosselaar (AKA Zack Morris). As the two caught up on all of each other's exploits, it quickly became apparent that the two looked as if they were transported right back to those magical days at The Max. That is, until Thiessen turned the conversation towards the potential of a Saved By The Bell spin-off. Gosselaar seemed unsure about the idea of a spin off, considering the misfires that were Saved By The Bell: The College Years and Saved By The Bell: The New Class. Thiessen was unrelenting, though, going as far as to use the recent 90210 spin-off as an example of an old show that got a big boost by incorporating some of today's cooler and edgier positions on teen life. Thiessen said, “It would be so much fun. Just imagine the theoretical child of Zack and Kelly raising heck all over Bayside. Meanwhile, Zack would be raising heck in the corporate world or maybe real estate and Kelly is running for vice president or something.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

To many celebrities, civic engagement can wield an almost narcotic allure in an election year. And as hinted at earlier this month, few of Hollywood's addictive personalities are as susceptible to political jousting as that of Lindsay Lohan, who is quickly surpassing other pundits around the left as Sarah Palin's most vocal critic. It was bad enough that Palin would dare to exploit her daughter's pregnancy, Lindsay blogged a couple weeks ago; but now, with Palin having implacably assumed the national spotlight with six weeks to go before Election Day, a more general study is apparently in order — via MySpace, natch:

Ben Silverman—dubbed by some "the Russell Brand of TV execs" as much for his ids-gone-wild approach to the job as for his untamed nest of rock-star hair and penchant for ultra-skinny jeans—has found himself in recent months the source of much industry deathwatch chatter. By now we're well aware of the criticisms—long absences from the development fold, turning a blind eye to VP-on-showrunner affairs, signing his name and likeness over to a line of Graffix bongs, etc. None of this, however, seems to be of much concern to Ben, who has devised an ingenious way to profit off the one thing NBC has over the other guys: a lack of viewers. He explained the concept to Variety:

Though newly minted Extra host Mario Lopez may appear squeaky-clean, longtime readers of Defamer will remember the oh-so-smooth skeleton in his closet: Chesthairgate! Caught in a terrible lie about whether or not he shaves his chest (who can forget the plaintive Star magazine commenter "chris," who said, "He talks about how religious he is, and has such a strong faith. Excuse me...since when is not being honest ok?"), Lopez suddenly found his most valuable physical asset the object of intense scrutiny. Now, as he ascends to the position of respected celebutainment anchorman, a cruel Lopez is threatening to take his smooth, smooth toys and go home:

Click to viewBoomp3.com The baristas (baristi?) at a Toluca Lake coffee shop reached their breaking point with frequent customer Miley Cyrus over the weekend. According to one barista who spoke on the condition of anonymity, Cyrus’ frequent abuse of the homey atmosphere of the store may lead to her permanent eviction. They said, “We don’t mind it when people come in and hang out. We encourage it, but you have to buy a drink first. It’s the unspoken rule. She usually doesn’t order a drink until after an hour or two of just hanging out.” Apparently, Cyrus was in the store on Sunday for over forty-five minutes before placing her order for a caramel mocchachino with skim. It was at that point that Steve, the manager, warned her that she had just gotten her second strike. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

It's a special day for moviegoers — the first time in three weeks those studio jokers didn't leave the equivalent of a flaming bag of crap on our doorstep Friday morning. Thanks, Hollywood! Their reward? One of the best non-Labor Day September weekends in years, as illustrated by our regular browse through the Monday Morning Box Office: 1. Burn After Reading — $19.4 million The Coen brothers' admirable, totally nonsensical spy farce rode its all-star ensemble like a rented mule, albeit sort of a haunting mutation of mule — one with frosted tips, a hoof-full of Oscars and an unusually foul mouth that nevertheless enticed enough curious viewers to make Burn the biggest opening of the Coens' career. And it's almost enough to settle Focus Features' therapy bill incurred after Hamlet 2.2. Tyler Perry's The Family That Preys — $18 million Add another fun fact to Defamer's Tyler Perry Encyclopedia: Five of his six films have now opened among their respective weekends' top two grossers. On roughly two-thirds as many screens as this week's No. 1. With virtually no white people in the audience. Be impressed. 3. Righteous Kill — $16.5 million And it would have been even more had Robert De Niro and Al Pacino not already fulfilled most Americans' demand to see them sleepwalk through scenes together. 4. The Women — $10 million Critics be damned — Picturehouse was determined to make this work if it was the last thing it ever did. And, alas, it was. 5. The House Bunny — $4.3 million The Cult of Anna Faris kept her in the Top 5 with barely a 20% drop from last week. Seriously: If Tyler Perry had an adventurous bone in his body he'd write her into a Madea film and let the Brinks truck do the rest.

Once upon a time, we thought that the babydaddy mystery surrounding Kelly Taylor's love child on the new 90210 would be the "Who killed Laura Palmer?" of the CW set, with Jennie Garth given mysterious, clue-laden bon mots to drop all season, then a hasty denouement revealing Kelly's torrid night of cappuccinos with Nat at the Peach Pit five years ago. Then, producers threw us for a loop, stating that Shannen Doherty would reveal the big secret as early as tomorrow night's episode when Brenda confronts Kelly about dating the hot hipster teacher at West Bev. Now, in the wake of that hint, a tipster has informed us that a Canadian ad for the big episode may unwittingly supply the father's identity. Spoilers, after the jump...According to tipster "Lezzy McGuire":

Remember those risque Gossip Girl posters that promoted the teen soap by using quotes from objectionable reviews, like the Boston Herald calling it "every parents nightmare"? They were fun! And dangerous. And now we have a new quote from the marketing folks to slap up on the ads. It comes from Stephen Baldwin, the bloated born-again brother of superior actor Alec, who delivered a "20 minute rant" at the Family Research Council Action's Values Voter Summit, calling the show "trash" and saying that those OMFG posters were "mocking God." Great line! Our Photoshop guy, Steven Dressler, has put that quote up on our favorite poster, for your and Mr. Baldwin's enjoyment. Click for larger.

· If you think Brett Ratner, Brooke Hogan and Robert Pattinson were pleased to see us at the VMA's, that's nothing compared to the totally overmotherfuckingwhelming joy we had liveblogging it! · Jeremy Piven's date(s). Anne Hathaway's shoes. Paris Hilton's doc. Mickey Rourke's fans. Just another week in Toronto Film Festival hell. · If pimping out the Catholic vote to a presidential candidate is wrong, than Raffaello Follieri doesn't want to be right. · Wait — did we really just spend a week following Jordin Sparks PurityGate? We did? Wow. Seriously? · Kanye West allegedly brutalized a pap at LAX — ninja-style! · We laid down our bold predictions for Fall Movie Hell. Watch No. 11 come true this weekend. · You know your presidential campaign is in trouble when Barbra Streisand and Adam McKay are your secret cultural weapons. · Dane Cook will always look back at My Best Friend's Girl as the one that got away. At least until he's sued. · Apparently we weren't the only ones stifling our gag reflex during those Two-Face scenes in The Dark Knight · While At the Movies introduced its new critics, its old ones were getting beaten up in Toronto. · Of all the new friends Matt Damon made this week, Sarah Palin was sadly not among them. · At least the Righteous Kill press tour is kind of entertaining. And free! · 90210 dramzzzz!!!! No worries, lady — Molls has it covered. · Boy pants, half-off.

Click to viewBoomp3.com Popular significant other to the stars Katie Holmes appeared to be melancholy after leaving rehearsal for her play, All My Sons. When asked, “Why so glum, sugar plum?”, Holmes replied that she didn’t know where to start. Holmes was mostly upset that nobody admired the Grease inspired pants she wore today. Holmes said, “ My pants look like the ones Sandy wears at the end of Grease. I wore it because, you know, it's dress like your favorite character from a play day. Nobody noticed. Everybody made a big fuss over Dianne Wiest dressing like Laura from The Glass Menagerie, but nothing for me.” Holmes felt that the best remedy for her blues may be to go over to Brooklyn and crawl into a big bowl of mac & cheese. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Being a celebrity is hard work — just ask the Republicans! Though they've long claimed to eschew stars, they now have one of their own in Sarah Palin, and the newly minted veep candidate has so much drawing power that she's even crossed over into the world of celeb-focused tabloid television. That bizarre intersection of politics and Hollywood gossip offers a lot to chew on, and so does today's Dirt Sandwich, packed full of delicious ingredients by our intrepid videographer Molly McAleer. Move over, Matt Damon — stars like Meg Ryan, Eva Longoria Parker, and Annette Bening all want a piece of the Palin action! As for the indomitable Cloris Leachman, she may say she's obsessed with John Stamos, but we can tell that what she really wants to know is, "Did Sarah Palin's husband Todd actually wear a wedding veil?" For the answer, let's go to the tape!

Her debauched "Thirsty Thursday" exploits behind her, Molls decided to go ahead and class it up a bit for another festive Friday in Koreatown. Enter Alexis Hyde, whose status as a party partner-in-crime defers only to her magic with a makeup brush; together, along with three shades of eye shadow and your weekend To-Dos, they bring unprecedented red carpet glam to the McAleer household and Defamer in general. Koreatown, you're on alert. The rest of you, read on for Plans B, C and so forth.FRIDAY · The Friday Forty at IO West · Brian Wilson at the Hollywood Bowl · Slideshow at The Fake SATURDAY · Phantom Planet at the Fonda · Hollywood Men at the Highlands · LA BBQ Festival at Santa Monica Beach SUNDAY · The Concert for Hope at the Gibson Amphitheater · Common and N.E.R.D. at the Wiltern · Lindsey Buckingham at UCLA

Even though The Wrestler hasn’t even come out yet, isn’t it about time we started discussing what Darren Aronofsky’s gonna do next? Rumors have circulated that he’ll be helming the Robocop reboot, but according to a recent interview with /Film, the director has set his sights on far nobler pursuits—namely a huge religious epic about the story of Noah.

All she wanted to do was direct, and now look: The gang at Variety all but scoffed today at Natalie Portman's forthcoming feature helming debut, scare-quoting an implicit vote of no confidence in the job she has now. But she'll show the "trade paper" yet, with her short-film bow on the the way in the omnibus New York, I Love You and more outstanding performances to come in 2009. Seriously — this is an Oscar nominee! Have they not seen Closer? Or that film she did years ago with Luc Besson? Oh. Wait. [Variety]

Bogus: According to TMZ, shoegazing director Michael Bay was the victim of a home burglary last night in New Mexico, where he's staying while filming Transformers 2: Rise of the Finger-Splinticons. No criminals have been apprehended (we're looking at you, Scarlett Johansson clone!), but at least the story provides us with a terrific excuse to run this photo of Bay at a Playboy party two years ago. Check out that rack! [TMZ]

Saturday Night Live certainly has balls. They already booked an unfunny guest host in Michael Phelps for this weekend’s season premiere, and now they’ve decided to compound the non-laughs by bringing in Barack Obama, an unfunny politician. At least he speaks clearly and doesn’t have an underbite like certain 8-time-gold-medal-winners we know. His sketch is still being worked out, but expect lipstick-on-a-pig jokes-a-plenty.Meanwhile the real question remains, will Tina Fey take on the role of Sarah Palin? SNL scribe Simon Rich was already ominously silent on the issue, and now Seth Meyers, the smirkiest Update anchor in recent memory, continues that tight-lipped tradition in the above clip from the Today Show. Despite being pummeled with good-natured jocularity from all four hosts Meyers reveals nothing. I guess we may actually have to tune in and find out. (UPDATE: It seems as though Barack has canceled his appearance on SNL due to Hurricane Ike. Looks like we'll have to content ourselves with Phelps and Phelps alone.)