Click to viewBoomp3.com Partially inspired by a recent late night viewing of the 1983 comedy Doctor Detroit and a string of doctor visits, hunky & quirky action hero Shia LaBeouf has started to practice medicine. While the Transformers star hasn’t visited a medical school, LaBeouf believes that he’s done enough research to perform simple house calls. LaBeouf said, “I’m not diagnosing major diseases, but if you got the sniffles or a headache, I’m the dude to call. My bubby has the best chicken soup recipe in the world. It’ll cure whatever ails you.” [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

On today's edition of The View, the political fireworks came not from Elisabeth Hasselbeck but from Richard Dreyfuss, who turned in a masterful bit of anti-promotion for his role as Dick Cheney in Oliver Stone's W. With little prompting, Dreyfuss turned on his director, branding him a "fascist" and, when asked what he was like to work with, declaring, "Imagine working for Sean Hannity." "I would like that!" Hasselbeck immediately chirped. We know, Liz. W. was already on somewhat shaky ground after an Oscar buzz-draining second weekend, but we're sure that Dreyfuss's deviation from his talking points won't help, either. Josh Brolin, it might be time to start vetting those Milk FYC ads.

The latest installment of Defamer's last-minute Halloween costume guide features an idea we guarantee you ladies will have all to yourselves come Friday night. Lucky you: This sultry get-up is in fact one of the hottest looks of the fall movie season, yet hiding in plain sight among action aficionados who will flock to see it next month at the multiplex. Don't let the opportunity pass you by, though — follow the jump to see how a cheap frock and a few other inexpensively obtained features can make you this year's overnight sensation.

· Mary-Louise Parker will star opposite Michael Douglas in Solitary—a May/Whatever-Comes-Three-Facelifts-After-December romance. Jenna Fischer, Susan Sarandon, and Danny DeVito round out the cast. [THR] · Defamer favorite Natalie Portman, meanwhile, will star in Love and Other Impossible Pursuits, based on a book about "a young woman who finds the key to recovering her marriage in her relationship with her precocious stepson." Don Roos will direct. [Variety] · David "Bud Bundy" Faustino will produce a loosely autobiographic web series for Sony's Crackle.com called Star-ving, which instantly raises the question: Can the web cancel a series? [Variety] After the jump: Why is Gus Van Sant about to drop gobs of acid?!· Jennifer Lopez has signed a two-year deal with Universal Media Studios, which will develop "a wide variety of Jennifer Lopez-related TV projects" for the studio. [Variety] · Milk writer/director team of Gus Van Sant and Dustin Lance Black will re-pair for an adaptation of the The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test, hopefully to feature Emile Hirsch as an LSD-induced, gayfro'd gnome in Ken Kesey's imagination. [THR]

The indomitable Cloris Leachman's quest to become a Sanjaya-level pox/boon to Dancing with Stars continued last night, and it looks like the 82-year-old has finally hit upon a winning formula. First, Leachman shuffles around, doing little but mugging. Then, just as people begin to tire of her simple soft-shoe, she pulls out the big guns: in this case, allowing partner Corky Ballas to grab one leg and one arm and spin her around in the air, treating all of America to an impressively unexpected upskirt shot.Will it be enough to stave off Leachman's elimination for one more week? We'll find out soon, though to judge from the audience reaction shots afterward, Leachman has already won over two disparate admirers: House Bunny star Anna Faris and Flipping Out's Jeff Lewis. And, as the old saying says, "Where the comediennes and OCD martini olive counters go, so goes the nation."

The Weinsteins are continuing their world-record pace for industry alienation this week, now leveling a lawsuit against Bravo alleging the network deliberately sabotaged season five of Project Runway. It's roughly the 22nd chapter in this year's tortured history between the brothers and Bravo's parent company at NBC Universal since the pair attempted to sneak PR off to Lifetime (a judge issued an injunction against the move last month following Bravo's own suit), yet wielding all the climactic juice that last week's season finale seemed to lack. Which is exactly the problem, according to Harvey and Bob.Recalling our own concerns from earlier this summer, when it looked like Bravo had handed the hit show's marketing campaign to an intern and the night janitor, the Weinsteins filed papers last Friday saying the network went out of its way to torpedo the franchise rather than see it flourish elsewhere. We can vouch for that on one hand — this season's competitor crop was no doubt the messiest of hot tranny messes to befall the series — but Weinstein Co. lawyers plan to unpack the real faux pas in court:

Snuffed. After Fox's hotel sitcom Do Not Disturb and ABC's traveling game show Opportunity Knocks, the third series to be tapped on the shoulder by the Grim TV Reaper's distal phalanx is a series entitled The Ex List (red flag #1), an "hourlong comedy" (red flag #2) based on an Israeli hit (you know where this is going) about a thirtysomething woman who's told by a psychic that she has one year to...ugh, we can't even finish this. The official line is that it hasn't yet been officially canceled, but rather "pulled from the network lineup," to be replaced by NCSI reruns. That could all change, however, when years later a psychic tells Les Moonves that one of his short-lived series was the only thing that can save his job, sending him on a frantic search for the hastily dismissed project. [AP]

Surely, Hollywood has entered a brand-new golden age of male objectification, whether it's the display of Jason Segel's flaccid member in Forgetting Sarah Marshall or Billy Crudup's irradiated super-schlong in Watchmen. Now, in an interview with USA Today about the Da Vinci Code sequel, Angels & Demons, producer Brian Grazer announces that the 52-year-old Tom Hanks will be the next male actor to bare (almost) all. While the scantily-clad Hanks won't be going full frontal (gotta keep that PG-13 rating!), Grazer promises the next best thing:

Hos Before Pubes. Whore-pampering hip-hop phenomenon T.I. appeared on The Tyra Banks Show today, where he was pressed by the fierce-eyed Amazonian couch dweller about his arrest last year for attempting to purchase machine guns and silencers in an Atlanta parking lot—a crime for which he's looking at a sentence of up to one year in prison. He also, for some inexplicable reason, answered honestly about when he lost his virginity. Said T.I.: “I’m embarrassed, 11, I’m sorry...If it makes it any better we had two kids together later on.” While the fact that he'll be a great-grandfather at age 38 does cut some of the sting, we still wish he had waited until he had grown out of his Mighty Morphin Power Ranger Underoos to give away that special part of himself. [Tyra]

On The Hills, Lauren Conrad can usually end an awkward situation by staring into the middle distance as the Black-Eyed Peas take us to commercial, but on last night's Late Show, she had to simply sit there and take it as David Letterman suggested an alternate take on all the friend drama Conrad's been through. "Maybe you're the problem," he said.Letterman then launched into a story about his own realization that he was a destructive "idiot," a story that prompted the well-compensated reality novelist opposite him to complain, "Does that make me an idiot, though?" Watch it, Dave — Lo may be back in the green room sucking on her dinner Jolly Rancher, but she's not afraid to defend Mama Bear. Fight!

With the hearts of tens of millions teenage girls wrapped around their fingers like a 24-karat white gold ring inscribed "Bros before harlots - John 8:17," recording industry phenomenon the Jonas Brothers are now looking to conquer other facets of the entertainment realm. Their last movie, a Disney Channel original called Camp Rock, was a ratings bonanza for the network. Now, their leap to the big screen has finally arrived, in the form of a searing drama exploring the emotionally destructive toll canine flatulence can take on a family. Variety reports:

With its star's $42 million worth of opening-weekend muscle and the all-important Kevin Bacon blessing behind it, Zac Efron and his Footloose remake are leaping to the front of the development queue at Paramount. The updating of the studio's 1984 high-school dance melodrama, which has been idle at the studio for years without that singular, Bacon-esque talent to guide it to market, now has a rewrite on the way, new songs in the works and one heartthrob to rule them all — for a price, notes Variety.Efron could pull in mid-seven figures for Footloose — by far his biggest payday to date — in addition to script approval for the story of Ren McCormack, a surly city kid whose relocation to a Midwest hellhole where dancing is banned ignites a particularly well-choreographed civil-disobedience streak. Dirty Dancing's Kenny Ortega is attached to direct while Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist director Peter Sollett is polishing the screenplay. All of which are secondary details, we know, to the burning questions of what will survive from Bacon's star-making original. The soundtrack will reportedly retain hits including "Let's Hear it for the Boy" and "Holding Out For a Hero," but more importantly, what arrhythmic schlub will replace the late Chris Penn in the first song's requisite dance-instruction montage? And does Efron have the brooding edge to own the latter tune's cutthroat, tractor-centric game of chicken? The End of Ideas jury is still out on this one, but if Efron vetoes the bleacher make-out session to "Almost Paradise," expect trouble. The guy has to get to second base eventually.

An All Gays edition: · We were kind of hoping Alan Ball would throw us a bone by way of some hot all-man, V-juiced action, but instead we got Lafayette getting busy with Milton from Office Space. [True Blood] · Sam Jackson wants these motherfucking civil rights abusers off his motherfucking gay marriage legislation! · 90210 hunk Dustin Milligan wrote a very thoughful and sweet apology on his blog in reference to an internet sketch in which he called Elvis the "King of Homos." ("No one should be made to feel like they or their sexuality/lifestyle is synonymous with 'stupid,' and no one should be made to feel like they are less than anyone else because of who they love.") We also learned from his website bio that he hails from Yellowknife, Northwest Territories. 9021O Canada! · Here they are, boys: Cosmopolitan's 25 Sexiest Men list! We didn't make it again. · And finally: the new Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince trailer. Gay wizards galore!

After donating to the No on Prop 8 cause, noted movie star/activist/burger glamorizer Brad Pitt has thrown his political weight behind another disenfranchised California minority— tattooed members of the L.A. Fire Department:

ABC will remain the lone holdout in the Obama campaign's plans to hijack all of network TV this Wednesday, perhaps solidifying our "Watch TiVo Kill" authors' easiest day yet. To wit — 8 p.m on ABC: Pushing Daisies. 8 p.m. everywhere else: It's the Great Pumpkin, Barack Obama, or whatever the presidential front-runner has up his tailored sleeve less than a week until Election Day. Guess along with us after the jump.Obama picked up a half-hour of prime-time air from CBS, NBC and Fox on Oct. 9 for $1 million apiece. The Live Feed reports that ABC offered its own 8 o'clock block around the same time, only to be rebuffed by the campaign for unknown reasons. Meanwhile, the participating networks have yet to learn what the candidate has in mind for his special — whether he might stick with Ross Perot's tried-and-true "Pie-Chart Filibuster" model from the 1992 campaign, or something a little more contemporary, like a modified version of Jeopardy! where every uplifting clue yields the queries "Who is Barack Obama?" and, we guess, for those three Daily Doubles on the board, "Who is Joe Biden?" We'd hate to see anyone left out.

Click to viewBoomp3.com Environmentalist/female naturalist Jamie Lee Curtis brought back her beloved Uncle Jam character at a Halloween party/charity event over the weekend. Regarding her costume, Curtis said, “Given the current political situation, it just felt right that Uncle Jam came out of the closet and reminded people that an election is coming up very soon.” [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

We usually think of bunnies as docile creatures, but there appears to be a pointy-eared showdown going down at Hugh Hefner's Playboy Mansion, where Hef's original Girls Next Door are being phased out for younger, more arrest-prone replacements. Though Hefner insists the split is amicable, founding bunny Kendra Wilkinson (perhaps emboldened by her recent hate-on for Tom Brady) has a different take on the matter, and she seethed on the record to E!.In a video interview conducted at the mansion's Halloween party (and out of sight from her publicist), a visibly tense Wilkinson interrupted one of the reporter's questions to state, "There will only be the original Girls Next Door. We built this show, and we worked our butts off to be here." Then, gritting her teeth, she added, "These girls are coming here afterwards, which I have no problem with, [but] we've made this for them. I would appreciate it if they would be a little more thankful." When pressed further, though, a suddenly circumspect Wilkinson froze and said, "I don't know if I can open my mouth anymore... Shh. It's a secret!" What girl-on-girl rivalries might be existing behind the scenes at the Playboy Mansion? And, most pressingly, do they involve pillow fights? Developing!

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: 10/26 — So I dropped a friend off at the United terminal at LAX yesterday at about 12:45 p.m. A cab pulls up in front of my car, and a wiry guy hops out. He in a plain white T and jeans, and just kind of standing there alone for a little while. And I look at his face, and think to myself—hey! I know that face. That's... TOPHER GRACE! I just kind of stared at him creepily from behind my windshield, waiting for something spectacular to occur. Nothing did. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

· Juiceboxxx, Icy Lytes, and Kid Infinity at Pehrspace, Melody Gardot at Largo, and Rademacher and Western States Motel are at the Echo. · GetALoadA Comedy presents a free show at the House of Blues's Foundation Room, featuring some of LA's best alternative comics, including Maria Bamford, Brent Weinbach, TJ Miller, Rob Delaney, Mike Nielsen, Peter Meadows, and your host, Kevin Robertson. Did we mention it's free? · Wanna put some good karma into the universe? Add some thoughts, prayers, or wishes to Wish Tree—a site-specific art piece by Yoko Ono at One Colorado Plaza in Pasadena. Your wishes will then make their way to the Imagine Peace Tower in Reykjavik!

The Dow finished lower again today and could get below the psychologically important 8,000 mark this week. Wait—there's a show about privileged, beautiful people on? Peace out, troubles! WATCH Gossip Girl [8 PM, CW] - Jenny (throat-bacteria victim, Taylor Momsen) befriends a model who convinces her to buck up professionally and let loose in her personal life. Serena and Dan go to an art opening as friends but things get weird when Serena meets an artist who strikes her fancy. Meanwhile, Blair attempts to seduce all-time genius Chuck. No one looked or talked like this at our high school, but we probably drank as much as them.The Hills [10 PM, MTV] - Details of tonight's episode are pretty hard to find, but we're 100% sure Spencer will still be acting like a douche. Also, Lauren Conrad appears on the After Show to deflect direct questions.