· Megan Mullally, Kelsey Grammer, Charles S. Dutton, Bebe Neuwirth and Debbie Allen will star in MGM's remake of Fame. They are still looking for the breakout star who will play Coco Hernandez, forced to undress in tears as she capitulates to the perverted whims of a phony director and his "screen test." Coco will never be the same. [THR]
· To recoup some of his holding company's staggering $1.6 billion debt, Sumner Redstone reluctantly sold his majority stake in Midway Games Inc.—which also meant relinquishing the prized Ms. Pac Man bow he loved wearing to industry functions. [Variety]
· NBC tasted a rare victory last night thanks to a fierce battle between some Vikings and some Bears, neither of which had anything to do with Rosie O'Donnell. [Variety]

After weeks of doling out clips to a Cheeto-starved global audience, MTV finally aired the paparazzi cautionary tale entitled Britney: For the Record last night. "No topic was off limits," boasted the introductory crawl. "No question went unanswered." And no follow-up question went asked! Thus, we left the special with almost as many concerns as we had going in, including:

Oscar's Stepchildren: Reclaiming the selective credentials that helped nudge Crash to a Best Picture win only three years ago, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is cracking down on new membership effective immediately. Among the first to feel the pinch: Last year's nominees Ellen Page, Casey Affleck and Amy Ryan, all snubbed in 2008 by an actor's branch that even Academy execs say might have gone too far in restricting invitations. But, reports the NY Times, Henry Winkler retains his influence, so, you know, as you were, Hollywood. [NYT]

Dreaming of a White Christmas? It's L.A., so a Wet Christmas is the closest you're going to get. It rained last week, so who knows, you might be making puddle angels in the Vons Hollywood parking lot while Santa cruises through the lower atmosphere. Let's just hope Ol' St. Nick's entrances require fewer sonic booms than the Space Shuttle Endeavor.

The rimjob ecstasy of that first Benjamin Button screening has worn off for director David Fincher, who is said to be tormenting Paramount underlings just in time for the film's Oscar push. Studio staffers were encouraged enough in recent days to even sell the notorious taskmaster out to Page Six, which reports today that Fincher has brought his shouty perfectionist passion to Button's marketing campaign.

Every so often, Vanity Fair will consent to putting a television star on their hallowed cover, but there's typically an implicit bargain that actor has to make to earn it. Think back to Teri Hatcher, who grabbed VF's top spot only after revealing how childhood sexual abuse led to fantasies of suicide (which the magazine teased on its cover with some disconcertingly unclad pictures of the star, because of course). Now, Vanity Fair has placed Tina Fey on the cover — an utterly justified spot, to be sure — and has finally nudged the actress and her husband to reveal something Fey always said she wouldn't: just how she got that famous facial scar.

Here's a couple lessons for all you rookie reporters assigned to cover the Hollywood beat: 1. Make sure your "SHOWBIZ PRESS" pass is always facing outward in the band of your fedora. 2. Place a decoy in that neaby row of telephone booths—that way you can call your scoop into the paper the second it happens. 3. Never, under any circumstance, ask Philip Seymour Hoffman for insights regarding the true nature of the possible child-molesting priest character he plays in Doubt.

Let's face it: The Wrestler wouldn't be a real Mickey Rourke comeback unless he did it the hardest way possible. Take a beating for your art? Check. Drop an anti-gay slur on camera? Check. And, as of Sunday, embellish your life story in the New York Times? Alas, check.

Fears that the R-word would keep audiences from the movies this weekend were unfounded, as the name "Reese Witherspoon" still proved an impressive multiplex draw. Have another helping of turkey-chip pancakes topped with cranberry syrup and a pat of yam, as we grind down to the last of the leftovers and run down the box office numbers:

It's been far too long since MGM was on the defensive over Valkyrie, the campaign for which uncomfortably started in its own office lobby but has since found decent enough traction in theaters and on TV. So! Right on cue, and apparently just for old time's sake, a high-ranking New York film critic has found something new to whine about.

· Mario Majorski should have known better than to bring samurai swords to a Celebrity Centre gunfight.
· One photo tells you everything you need to know to prepare for rockin', lip-lockin' time at the Playboy Mansion!
· Hey, here's a not-so-tough one: What loudmouth movie critic bashed the "old putz" his son was hired to replace?
· See? Nicole Kidman is totally, like, not strung out in any way whatsoever!
· Rahm might be the cute, melodic one in the new boy-pop phenom The Emanuel Brothers, but that doesn't mean he won't kick Andy Samberg's ass for that unaired SNL skit.
· In case of a late-night Fox emergency, break glass and pull Jack Bauer.
· SAG-beat brawlers Sharon Waxman and Nikki Finke provided the unlikeliest catfight of the week.
· The Twilight sequel's $12 million payday sure will buy Kristen Stewart a lot of Transylvanian Power Skunk.
· "Tribeca Steamboat Willie DeGeneres-Di Rossi" is only one of the fantastic reader offerings from the Defamer Simpson-Wentz Baby Name Generator.
· Fire up your Oscars (again) — here come da Milk! Have a great weekend!

As consumers brave Black Friday amidst a crippling recession, it's comforting to know that our comments of the week have earned their writers a truly priceless present: a Bambi Award from Karl Lagerfeld himself! "I admire you, not only for your snark, but also for your energy," said Lagerfeld. "You are to be reincarnated as the Norse god Loki, or as a muted palette in the Chanel resort collection." Congratulations (we think?) — now, on to the winners:

What does an Ivy League education get the average young Hollywood star these days? If Variety's recent collection of peer-on-peer salutations — featuring Natalie Portman and James Franco among many others — is any indication, it pretty much depends on the school.

Here at Defamer HQ, we'd agreed that no recent video packed so many delightful moments into so short a time as Stephen Colbert's rendition of "Peace, Love, and Understanding (f. Feist, Toby Keith, and a bear)," and then, a challenger emerged! Sure, there was lots of talk this morning about yesterday's Britney Spears performance at the German ceremony known as the Bambi Awards, but precious little of that discussion centered on Spears accepting her award from eccentric designer Karl Lagerfeld. We're at a loss to pick our favorite moment: is it Lagerfeld telling Britney, "[You are] coming back not only as a phoenix, but as a bird of paradise"? Is it Britney's "Y'all, double-u-tee-eff?" reaction? Or is it the random cutaway to a totally confused Meg Ryan? You be the judge — the clip is after the jump:

With Thanksgiving over, we'd like now to officially ring in the Archie season. Won't you sing some Archie carols and standards with us?

Winona Ryder's "Fishy Situations '08 Tour" continues its road trip across Europe, as the actress rebounded from her exciting, hospital-assisted London landing by heading off to Madrid for a Marie Claire event. The magazine lent the purchase-averse Ryder clothes, shoes, and a ring and Bulgari bracelet (pictured) that totaled $125,000. The next day, Ryder returned everything but the jewelry. A French magazine reported a claim from Ryder (since disavowed) that she had given the items to the front desk after checkout, but the surveillance camera didn't back the story up. Now, TMZ has a different, equally suspicious account:

To hell with the SAG strike: The real feud set to engulf Hollywood's acting community is simmering in the tony enclave of Beverly Park. There, Samuel L. Jackson, Denzel Washington and Sylvester Stallone are just a few of the heavy-hitters embroiled in what has come to be known simply as GateGate.

There were lots of huge, wonderful floats at the Macy's parade yesterday—we were particularly awed by the one of Gingerbread Roker and his crotch-investigating dog Mr. Sniffers, measuring an amazing 67 feet long, 39 feet wide and 34 feet tall. But for sheer entertainment value, nothing beat the float for Cartoon Network's Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. Seriously—this is the coolest parade stunt ever. Cartoon Network rocked not just our Thanksgiving, but our entire world. [via Zen Monkey Blake]

Happy Black Friday, everyone! We trust your yam-holes were well and truly stuffed yesterday, and today you partook of the wonderful sales being offered by retailers across the nation, without trampling any employees to death or causing miscarriages. While we've spent the last few days far away from a TV set, we understand NBC's Thanksgiving eve offering of Rosie Live—wherein Rosie O'Donnell attempted to revive the variety format by inviting some of her closest friends onto a Broadway stage to trade jokes, sing songs, and have a slice of a delicious roasted turkey dressed up in a dowdy pantsuit and wig to look like Barbara Walters—tanked in a major way. THR reports "a mere 5 million viewers tuned in...[matching] ABC's recently canceled Pushing Daisies as the night's lowest-rated program on a major broadcast network." Drudge Report linked that report, thereby summoning a geiser of profane anti-Rosie invective of the "LIBERALISM IS A MENTAL DISORDER" variety in the comments. Then again, the critics actually paid to sit through it weren't much kinder, with the LAT wondering "what was she thinking?" and TV Guide calling it "dead on arrival...a ghastly ego trip." In case you missed it—and you probably did!—we've collected some lowlights after the jump, each excruciating in its own, special way. Enjoy!

Back in March, we learned that Patrick Swayze was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and told he had mere weeks to live. Since that time, the actor has steadily held on, even shooting the upcoming A&E drama The Beast (set to premiere in January). Sadly, word is now out that Swayze's cancer has spread to his liver: