Here they are: your Puppy Bowl V starting lineup. Hopes and expectations are high for all-pro puppyback Eli, coming off another phenomenal year compiling over 4,800 yards passing, 39 touchdowns with only seven waterbowl interceptions.

Honestly, we only keep Huffington Post on our Google Reader to keep up with all of Alec Baldwin's histrionic musings. Still, we're glad we didn't miss today's HuffPo dip into kookier, Michelle Williams-related territories.

Rookie Oscarcast producers Bill Condon And Larry Mark gave their most expansive interview to date about the changes forthcoming for their inaugural show; we're not sure we agree, let alone understand.

Thus begins Super Bowl weekend, but we're more excited about Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl V. Watching cute dogs pounce around a miniature football stadium will help take the edge off your negative checking balance.

Videogum's weighing the evidence in the ongoing Nestor Carbonell: Guyliner-Wearer? controversy that erupted shortly after The Dark Knight's release, when audiences emerged wondering why the Mayor of Gotham looked like a closet Siouxsie fan.

Alan Cumming thinks he has found a man whose wang is bigger, wider, and even more America-shaping than Billy Crudup's cerulean love-stick: our president, Barack Obama.

Oscar season's smear-outsourcing trend spreads today to Italy, where bizarre new allegations threaten to complicate — if not quite derail — Team Benjamin Button's fledgling comeback quest.

We're thrilled to bring you yet more footage from the Ashton Kutcher/Demi Moore joint project no one wanted, He's Just Not That Into the Neighbors' Banging—sort of What Happens in Vegas meets Deck the Halls.

SATC cast (sans mole) to return for 2010 sequel. [EW]

Empire has exclusive behind-the-scenes images from Zack Snyder's Watchmen, featuring a flashback sequence set in Vietnam which explains the possibly Agent Orangey origins of Dr. Manhattan's blue wang.

The Karate Kid remake's turbulent, Defamer-aided casting process ended weeks ago, but that doesn't mean Ralph Macchio is ready to move on.

Nick Lachey offers ex-wife Jessica some backhanded support. [Extra]

Val Kilmer will preside over the Krewe of Bacchus parade that strolls through New Orleans two days before Mardi Gras, blissfully intoxicated on a heady mixture of beignet creme and boxed wine.

Anna Faris to marry Bright from Everwood. [People]

It's certainly laudable that Van Dien has thrown his weight behind Childhelp (less laudable: his hopelessly wooden acting), but we're not sure how exactly the rated-R, bug-killing character of Johnny Rico is supposed to tie in to this sensitive topic. Still, at least there's one silver lining: a studio's legal rights to a character apparently mean nothing anymore! Whee! Now, if you'll excuse us, we need to get back to Final Cut Pro to finish our PSA on the dangers of crystal meth-addled intercourse (starring Mickey Mouse!).

The track in question is "Outlaw Pete," the very first on new album Working On a Dream. To argue their point, a disappointed fan used the preferred method of all melody-embezzlement whistleblowers—putting the two songs side-by-side on YouTube.

After so many years of tired Oscar-campaign squabbles unfolding in our backyard, we're quite liking the change of scenery to the exotic slums of Mumbai.

We brought this on ourselves. Mere days ago, we wondered, "Why are there no leaked pictures of Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander in G.I. Joe?" And oh, how the internet obliged!

· 2 Dance 2 Flyiest star Channing Tatum was cast in The Brotherhood of the Rose, about two orphans raised by a CIA operative to become orphan-killing-machines. It's only loosely based on Maddox Pitt-Jolie's life. [Variety]

The real Coachella lineup was announced last night. It features many of the acts on the fake list Ryan Seacrest was selling (along with blowjobs) for five bucks in an alley off Yucca all week.