Among the myriad ways to enliven your Oscar viewing experience, the In Memoriam montage pool may be the only one entitling you to cry and win big money simultaneously.

Is Watchmen fever producing a tingly sensation in you? Then you may have an STD, brother! If only you'd slipped on the film's newest tie-in: a Crudup-emulating, cerulean rubber. Click to enlarge (ahem). [Robot 6]

Oscar season has claimed its first victim. Mickey Rourke's treasured, constant companion—his Chihuahua, Loki—is dead at age 18.

A judge on Tuesday denied Roman Polanski's motion to dismiss his 1977 rape case, but left a cracked-open window for the filmmaker to return this spring to try in person.

So they're back! Sort of. The Real Housewives of New York City didn't quite return to the city last night—they only got as far as the Hamptons. But it was close enough to smell blood.

Today we have a dirty Berlin casting couch, a fashionista with a cocaine rider in her contract, a rockstar's public threesome, a wicked family secret, and two actors who did it... to each other!!!

Which is less appropriate: A brand-newmom performing at the Oscars, from bed, or an image-conscious Olympian trying to lay low in a strip club? Decide for yourself.

Now that Late Night has worked YouTube's apoplectic Hong Kong flight misser into its skit lineup, other parodies and mashups can't be far behind. (Or at least SNL.) Clip after the jump.

Whoopi Goldberg's chat with Bill O'Reilly tonight was bizarre. O'Reilly told the black, female, comedian that he had risen from the "bottom rung" just like her. But that's not what angered her.

· She and 49 of her fellow Sin City prostitutes were outed over the weekend in a foxy newspaper spread. We can't wait for the calendar! Or the gigolo list, whichever comes first.

With Arnold Schwarzenegger missing the movies more every day, and with first choice Rod Blagojevich out of a job, Sylvester Stallone has offered the governor a role as himself in The Expendables.

American Idol and Biggest Loser clock in at two hours apiece tonight, which makes it perfectly justified to take a half-hour break from either to check out Snoop Dogg's new variety show.

Terrence Howard was the sole celebrity to raise a fist voice in solidarity with accused Rhianna-beater Chris Brown—a sympathetic stance that might have something to do with his previous arrest for wife-beating in 2001.

If the numbers truly don't lie, then neither Brad Pitt nor Angelina Jolie will collect Academy Awards on Sunday. But who needs Oscars when America's auction-scavenging elite are on your side?

Steven Spielberg is not used to hearing the word "No." But after having trouble securing funding and distribution deals, Spielberg is now being forced to beg to keep his passion project Lincoln going.

Well, hold on to your what-whats, because according to this "What's New with Samwell?" YouTube interview, What What (In the Butt): The Movie could soon fill the urban-comedy hole left in cineplexes between Madea adventures. (Indeed, we think Tyler Perry's What What (in the Butt) makes a far more logical casting scenario than the interviewer's suggestion of Leo DiCaprio.) Of course, lifelong "Butt" fan Johnny Depp—who, as Samwell tells it, loves the song so much co-star Marion Cotillard lured the artist to the set for a command performance—could probably spin the material into further career gold, with Tim Burton's help turning the reluctant bottom into another classic fairytale outsider. Like Edward Scissorhand, except with stuff going up his butt. [YouTube]

Deadline Hollywood reports that Endeavor—A-list Hollywood dealmaking nexus and after-hours playground to adult-diapered scenester photographers—is negotiating a merger with WMA, a marriage that would produce the all-powerful Whamdeavor!™ agency. (They're not married to the name.)

The fanboy crusade to earn The Dark Knight a Best Picture Oscar nomination may have failed, but one fan hasn't lost faith in the potential of Batman people-power.

Martha Stewart offered recession-time grocery shopping tips today, demonstrating how even small changes to one's routine—say, laying off a couple gardeners or only consuming local foie gras—can have a huge effect on the bottom line.

2/15 — Saw SHARON AND OZZY OSBOURNE in the lounge at the Chateau Marmont. They both looked terrific, dressed in black of course, and dined with some other rocker types. My friends in town from Minneapolis were impressed, but were hoping for a LiLo sighting. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]