For his sake. You know, to get her in bed. So says a model (well, from GoDaddy.com) named Simona Fusca, who supposedly went on a very rude date with the Broadway-abandoning actor.

Good morning and happy, miserable Monday everyone. (Snow on the East, rain on the West). While you cower inside, away from the elements, ponder over the weekend box office report and wonder... why?

Today we have a guy having problems with a transsexual, a bulimic actress, a smoking actor, an obsessive comedian, and a perfume-hoarding actress.

Jimmy Fallon's critics hate him for being so awkward and manic. But all indications are the Saturday Night Live veteran will embrace those qualities, crafting the geekiest Late Night yet.

Mickey Rourke's post-Oscar life has swiftly come into focus.

The more reserved of the two Hollywood watchdogs, Sharon Waxman hit out against her competitor Nikki Finke this week.

The people of Iran, that nation of possibly nuke-holding Mid-East bullies have turned their attention from negotiations with President Obama to more serious matters: Hollywood's portrayal of their fine country.

Past Oscar winners have gotten a bump in ticket sales after winning the little gold man, but Slumdog Millionaire is a different sort of movie.

Rather than trying to clean up her image, be-weaved country tune warbler Kim Zolciak, from Real Housewives of Atlanta, is doing the next best thing. She's decided to sue her former publicist.

As my final post, I thought I'd leave you with something you could actually use: a visual glossary of some of the most essential people, places, and things from the expansive Defamer universe. Enjoy.

I started writing for Defamer one year ago tomorrow. I am relieved of my duties today. Reflecting on the roughly 1,400 intervening posts — and looking ahead to the future — something occurred to me.

I've been instructed to use my goodbye post to relate a story I haven't told before. So strap in, kids: you're getting the never-before-revealed tale of my brief foray into reality television.

The 85-year-old Tonight Show sidekick and enormous check courier has been laid up in serious condition with pneumonia and other ailments, his rep announced today. And just when he was having a Cash4Gold comeback.

More speculation today surrounds the whereabouts of Precious (née Push: Based on a Novel by Sapphire), the celebrated, Benjamin Bratt-terrifying drama that won last month's Sundance Film Festival before tumbling into bidding-war lawsuit limbo.

As predicted, two of my American Idol predictions were wrong in last night's semifinal eliminations episode. Cuteso Kris Allen is through, as I'd hoped, as are Allison (good!) and shrieking Adam Lambert (very, very bad).

Casting has been announced for the movie version of Damn Yankees, the baseball musical. Jake Gyllenhaal will sing! Also in casting news are Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, a Woody Allen movie, and Gossip Girl.

Today we have a mean comedian, a spliff-smoking musician, an actor who was having some scary hallucinations, and an action star on Viagra.

Comedian Jerry Seinfeld gave the New York Times exactly two examples of disputes that might be tackled in his (dubiously) forthcoming reality show The Marriage Ref.

Jeremy Piven convinced five other actors his mercury poisoning is real, deadlocking a union hearing and sparing Piven penalties for leaving Speed the Plow. How did he do it? Maybe with some crying.

Tomorrow, the old Defamer guard—whose heartfelt, semi-coherent ramblings you've warmly welcomed into your homes, office cubicles, and Unabomber shacks for nearly five years now—will bid you all a fond adieu. But this story ends happily.