Well, it looks as though the economic downturn has found another media victim. A tipster tells us tonight that there's been a "completely unexpected bloodbath" at Access Hollywood.

Brian Graden, a veteran programming executive at youth culture battle-axe MTV, has thrown in the towel after twelve years. In his goodbye memo to staffers, forwarded to us, Graden mentions an as-yet-unexplored dream: To do musical theater. Adorbs.

Sure to be the loudest of all the loud summer films (until G.I. Joe), Michael Bay's Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen is about to drop. And it seems that in one scene, there's a little surprise. Well, two surprises.

Perez Hilton is launching a new website, his advertising agent reports, to "focus on longer-form, more advertiser-friendly content." Meaning, presumably, that the celebrity gossip can finally unleash his fearsome intellect.

Things disappear so quickly these days. They just fleet past, like car lights out on the Turnpike. I'm speaking, of course, of the premature end of Real Housewives of New Jersey, a show that we'd only just gotten to know.

New information has emerged on the child labor violations of "fledgling internet site" (ha) RadarOnline. We will cover this story with the same verve with which RadarOnline covers Octomom. Illegal, baby-endangering verve, that is!

Sean Penn has pulled out of two films, Variety reports today. While he's saying he needs the time to work on his (continually) troubled marriage to Robin Wright, a blind item last week is fueling speculation that it's drug-related.

Today we have a "spicy tamale" (that means Latina) who is dating three men, one of those annoying items that's about something nice, and a famous couple that's hiding a lot behind their movie star veneers.

Tens of imbecilic wingnuts turned out yesterday outside of Letterman's midtown studio to express faux outrage over his "perverted" jokes about Sarah Palin and her daughters, which in turn provoked Dave to spend almost an entire segment mocking them.

Levi Johnston, noted Palin daughter-nailer, has hired Tank Jones, "a size-58 suit-wearing black man," to manage his career and be his bodyguard. He's also developed an alter ego to help him destroy his Wasilla-ness and fully embrace douchedom—"Ricky Hollywood."

On Facebook, 439 people said they might drop by the Ed Sullivan Theater today to demand that CBS dump David Letterman for sexually assaulting telling a bad joke about Sarah Palin's daughter. Approximately 400 of those people are liars.

[Russell Crowe and friends on the set of "Robin Hood," a movie we are excited for; image via INF]

Now this is some sort of karma: a report says that the state of California is going after RadarOnline for exploiting Octomom's kids, with their relentless Octomom videos. [UPDATED below]

We have news from around the world today, but mostly from Foxborough and Australia. Two places both alike in dignity, but then suffering complete indignities like American Idol and movies about teenagers who save the world.

Today we have a male music divo (when they're boys they're called divos) who would like you to keep your feet off the furniture, a teen songbird who's having a May-December affair (she's May), and a wild actress gone mild.

Reports have surfaced that David Letterman offered yet another apology to Sarah Palin at this afternoon's taping of his show set to air later tonight. He couldn't have made a bigger mistake.

We don't know if James Franco is gay or not, but he certainly doesn't seem to care what the hell any of us think either way, so bless him for that. The latest tittering tidbit? An erotically-charged short film.

What we feared would happen last year has come to fruition. Celebrities are having a hard time commanding high appearance fees. A-listers still do all right, but everyone else? We're talking in the four-figure range. Depresso-rama!

After Al Roker showed the reality baubles how it's done in his neck of the woods earlier, the gurgling pair were taken to task by the Furies at The View. Whoopi said they were gonna end up on the street.

Heidi and Spencer Pratt, the soulless blobs from The Hills and I'm a Celebrity... were on the Today Show this morning discussing their behavior on the latter show, and Al Roker, finally sensing an opportunity, went in for the kill.