In her testimony at the Michael Jackson Child Molestation Trial of the Century, the sister of Jackson's accuser gave this account of a private flight that her family took with Jackson:
· Chris Klein and Katie Holmes have split. How much pain can Hollywood possibly be expected to endure in one day? We imagine that Klein grew tired of the way that every time the adorable Holmes stood still in a park, chipmunks would gather at her feet and bluebirds would perch on her shoulders. [Ed.note—For the record, we could never get tired of that.]
· Anna Nicole Smith did something wacky that may or may not have been fueled by a diet-pill binge? Get OUT!
· There's another great Photoshop contest at Worth1000. Collateray (left) is by far our favorite—watch for ABC to pick up a drama about a blind assassin tomorrow. [via MCN]
· You're too late to buy Jessica Simpson's grandparents' house, slaughter a hundred chickens in it, and correct the awful karma imbalance that it's unleashed on the world.
· The HerróthiCa art exhibit, which opens tonight at the Tropico de Nopal Gallery, showcases the work of Will Herrón III, the founding member of punk band Los Illegals. Punk art's not too egg-headed even for us, who engage in no activity more intellectually fulfilling than reading a Cap'n Crunch box. (Well, not the whole box.)
· Hey, they helped get you laid in high school, so it's time to return the favor: Attend the 26th Annual Planned Parenthood Food Fare at the Santa Monica Civic Auditorium.
· Jason Falkner plays at one of Spaceland’s tenth anniversary shows (how many parties do these guys get?), while Sage Francis plays the Henry Fonda without the benefit of some larger celebration.
The whiskey fumes rising from Dustin Hoffman's skin haven't even dissipated, and already the AP is looking at candidates for next year's Oscars. You can find all of the no-brainers in their round-up: Cinderella Man (dumb Russell Crowe/Ron Howard/Brian Grazer boxing movie that will pretend to be smart), War of the Worlds (Tom Cruise shouts while looking constipated, Steven Spielberg blows shit up), Memoirs of a Geisha (Spielberg was too busy blowing shit up to direct it himself), All the King's Men (Sean Penn gets serious, again, and perhaps squeezes in a manly cry), and Untitled Steven Spielberg Project (Spielberg begs Academy to forgive him for blowing shit up by making an Important Movie About a Tragic Event). Our bold prediction: We will be so fucking high while watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
We feel confident in naming this the press release of the week on a Thursday, knowing that it's going to take an HBO announcement that March 6th is "Cocksucker Day" in honor of Deadwood's premiere to top this:
It's time to put this week's blind item game to bed so that we can return to our usual level of inbox activity. Slip another hand under the sweater of One Derailed Diva Blind Vice:
Sure, it seems easy, but you have to blow David Geffen to get the PIN.
· The Brad Grey Era at the New Paramount™ begins with a splash, we guess, as Brad Pitt, Cate Blanchett, and Gael Garcia Bernal sign on for the drama Babel. We still like our idea for the Pitt star vehicle The Man of Few Words Who Smells Something Funny and Likes to Shoot Guns better. Perhaps Mr. Pitt can discharge a firearm somewhere in the picture and satisfy us? [Variety]
· Not to be outdone by Brad and Cate, Jennifer Aniston will hook up with Meryl Streep (figuratively, of course) to star in Wanted for Plan B, her and Pitt's still-kicking production company. [Variety]
· Two women who were once married to smarmy stars (Geena Davis and Rebecca Romijn) get pilots. Everybody works during pilot season! [THR]
· Jack Valenti comes down off the MPAA mountain to explain why Gunner Palace (the most profane PG-13 movie—ever!), received its rating. The reason? "Because I fucking said so! Now get outta my yard, you movie-pilfering imps!" Also, realistic portrayal of war, etc etc. [THR]
· Even with just a half-hour of American Idol and one arm tied behind their back, Fox takes Wednesday night. Next week, Fox will tempt Nielsen fate by running an hour of Idol commercials, and still will draw 25 million viewers. [THR]
As we all know by now, five-year lame duck Tonight Show host Jay Leno is among the all-star roster subpoened to be witnesses in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial. Realizing that the gag order imposed on people involved in the trial might impair Leno's ability to harmlessly jab at the legal circus in his monologue, his lawyers are asking for a clarification about what Leno can and cannot say; it appears that his first-hand knowledge from participating the trial will be off limits. For example:
To serve the growing need for rewards programs catering to our community's taut-face crowd, enterprising pharmaceutical companies and plastic surgeons are introducing a frequent-injector card for Restylane and Botox enthusiasts. From the Wall Street Journal:
Some of you might remember this casting notice from January, in which the producers of CSI: NY were trolling for a certain Miramax tyrant type to kill off on the show. ("Think Harvey Weinstein. He has a weight problem, can’t stop eating.") Since our TiVo has strict orders never to record any Jerry Bruckheimer production, we needed a reader to inform us that they finally snuffed the faux-Harvey last night:
Here's a story we just can't get excited about: Denise Richards is divorcing Charlie Sheen. (Does this smell like a preemptive publicity strike to anyone else?) After the water-tower-full-of-napalm that was the Pitt-Aniston split (and subsequent mindfucking of the public), this celebrity decoupling is hardly a fart in the bathtub of matrimonial disintegration.
· The 1,121 naughty words that you can't get on the back your customized NFL jersey include "ass bagger," "asswhore," and "fuckknob." Luckily for my fellow LA residents, "cokehead" seems to have slipped through the censor's, ahem, cracks. Should be a big seller. [via Wonkette]
· "Danny Glover has a serious mission for his new movie production company: Louverture Films will develop and produce movies of historical relevance, social purpose, commercial value and artistic integrity." HA HA HA HA HA. Good one, Danny! Where are you planning on setting up this company, inside Mr. Rogers' magic trolley?
· The crazy HOPE kids, who successfully staged protests of shoddy entertainment products by Paris Hilton and Ashlee Simpson, brought their movement to the Oscars and some parties.
· James Denton of Desperate Housewives may not be fighting off rumors that he's a lesbian, but he did move to Glendale. If anyone finds out, his career is so fucking over.
· The William S. Paley Television Festival kicks off tonight with the cast of NYPD Blue in attendance, finally freed from the tyranny of the flickering idiot box. The featured montage of Dennis Franz's dimpled ass set to "Fire and Rain" is not to be missed.
· Have you already seen Hitch four times and need a change of pace? AFI at the Arclight presents Serpico, featuring the great Al Pacino before he succumbed to a terminal case of the "hoo-ahs."
· The seemingly Inuit-threatening band Eskimohunter begin a March Wednesday night residency at the King King, while Divebomb, a self-described "night for people who like music," takes over the Knitting Factory.
A reader catches Ron Eldard in an incredible display of dedication to his craft:
An operative files this report from the premiere of Vin Diesel's attempt at a kiddie franchise, The Pacifier. (And here we thought that after Kindergarten Cop, we'd never again experience the magic of someone who struggles with the English language chasing after children.) Unfortunately for our mole, the after-party was predictably a bad scene for getting drunk and/or laid, though we think the bounce castle was clearly a missed opportunity:
