China: Not too hard on people who run over toddlers, but absolutely brutal when it comes to greedy civil servant grandmas with their hands in the cookie jar! A 50-year-old zoning official nicknamed the "land granny" was executed after having amassed a $23 million fortune in bribes and embezzled funds.

Last week, a 19-year-old guy from Arizona took the bus to Milwaukee to meet a girl he knew from the internet. On arrival, he discovered that she and her roommate wanted to have a kinky, possibly Satanic, threesome. So far, so awesome. And then came the part where he was stabbed and slashed 300 times.

The Department of Justice has charged six Estonians and one Russian in a massive cybercrime ring that hijacked four million computers in a boring but lucrative "click-jacking" scheme.

The Talented Mr. Adam Wheeler—the "crypto-tendentious" literary beefcake convicted of larceny, identity theft, and fraud for scamming his way into Harvard—is back in jail for violating the terms of his probation. His mistake: repeating that old lie about being Harvard material. The Harvard Crimson reports:

As Russian authorities try to identify 29 mummified women "dressed as life-sized dolls" in the home of accused graverobber Anatoly Moskvin, the press is having a field day.

As scrutiny of intra-protester violence and sexual assault at various Occupy Wall Street protests around the country increases, a man was found dead at Occupy New Orleans' protest site. He was apparently dead for two days.

A 50-year-old Croatian man had to seek medical attention after an explosive anti-aircraft shell that he'd inserted in his anus during some kind of sex game got stuck up in there. Sounds like somebody failed to think about the consequences.

On Sunday afternoon, 22-year-old Jorge Daniel Silva and his wife invited another woman over to their place for some menage a trois action. Hot! Except not, because Silva—who apparently has no idea how threesomes work—allegedly "freaked out" and ended up getting arrested on felony charges.

Like thousands of New Yorkers, Dr. Anthony Marx, the 52-year-old president of the New York Public Library, was massively inconvenienced on Sunday by marathon road closures. No problemo! He just threw his Audi A4 (registered to the library) into reverse, floored it — and slammed it into a garbage truck on East 138th St.

Updated. After a tawdry trial featuring a clothed death photo, a naked death photo, and a slew of unbelievable sad documents illustrating the King of Pop's demise, physician Dr. Conrad Murray has been found guilty the involuntary manslaughter of Michael Jackson.

Historian and "well-respected specialist in cemeteries" Anatoly Moskvin stands accused of robbing at dozens of graves in the Russian city of Nizhny Novgorod. His goal, according to Russian authorities: "Decorat[ing] his home with 29 mummified female bodies… dressed as life-sized dolls."

In case you missed this story from last Friday, it will start your week off on an inspirational note: the security camera video above shows Luis Rosales robbing a Los Angeles hotel—and then running into Brent Alvarez and Billy Denney, two MMA fighters who just arrived in town for a fight tournament. A group hug of crime-fighting ensued! The LAT reports:

Seven full weeks after the Occupy Wall Street began, the New York Post—which has become increasingly crazed in its condemnations of the OWS protesters—finally dispatched a reporter to "Zoo-cotti Park" to observe the "animals" in their native habitat. Somehow she lived to tell about it.

If Alexander Pratt and Clara Pearson were ever to write an illustrated manual together, they should call it The Joyride of Sex. On Thursday night the feisty twosome allegedly stole a Honda Civic so they could have a quickie. Sadly, they never got the chance.

According to a copy of her forthcoming book, obtained by the Associated Press, Gabrielle Giffords intends to take up her seat again in the House of Representatives: "I will get stronger. I will return."

The Secret Service is raising alarms about a so-called "black money" scam operating in the Northeast that's already relieved three idiots of $170,000. So if someone approaches you with a huge amount of cash that looks like it's been blacked-out with magic marker, don't trust them. Here's how the scam works.

Is there anything more satisfying than watching the ongoing implosion of Jon Corzine, a filthy rich privileged putz who thought his wealth entitled him to run the state of New Jersey, but who got tossed out of office by a fat man and went on to drive a derivatives firm into bankruptcy and criminal investigations? No, there is nothing more satisfying. Nothing.

Unless you're into the tonsured monk look, you should probably avoid pissing off Gabriela Nunez—a 19-year-old bouffant-ed brawler from Las Cruces, New Mexico who allegedly ripped the scalp off another woman during a particularly intense fight. She must have one hell of a hand-gripper exercise regimen.

LAPD Commander Andrew Smith told reporters that Mariah Yeater, the 20-year-old woman who filed a paternity claim against 17-year-old pop star Justin Bieber, could be the target of a police investigation, as their alleged Staples Center bathroom tryst in 2010 would qualify as statutory rape. As our own Max Read clarified in his report, the California penal code stipulates that any sex between someone over 18 and under 18 constitutes "statutory rape." (Yeater was 19 at the time; Bieber 16, and allegedly a virgin.) If the difference in age between the two is under three years, it's a misdemeanor, punishable by up to one year in jail. Ouch. Pretty harsh. Though prison might be the safest place for Yeater right now. [AP, Photo of Bieber (left) via Getty Images]

Stanley Roberts, a reporter for San Francisco's KRON-TV, hosts a Cops-like show on the station called People Behaving Badly. Roberts went from onlooker to participant recently when he incurred the sassy wrath of the man in this video, who wanted nothing to do with Roberts and his "fat, lazy, non-relevant, non-factor ass." Ladies and gentlemen, the new Antoine Dodson. [via Dlisted]