Johnny Salazar was arrested in Arizona yesterday after he burned his 5-year-old son's hand and wrist with a lighter thinking he was possessed. Of course he did this because he was on America's favorite gonzo drug, bath salts. When will people cut the bath salts out, already?

The verdict is in. After a tabloid-monopolizing murder trial, Casey Anthony has been found "not guilty" of killing daughter Caylee in 2008, which is odd, because the trial-by-press was pretty unanimous about her guilt.

Last month, deposed Tunisian dictator Zine al-Abidine Ben Ali was sentenced in absentia to 35 years in prison for being a piece of shit. And yesterday, he got an additional 15 years for illegal possession of drugs and weapons.

19-year-old Maria del Mar Arjona tried to break her husband out of a Mexican prison during a conjugal visit by stuffing him inside a suitcase and rolling him out of jail.

Mexican feds are on a roll. Just weeks after announcing they'd caught El Chango, Jesús Aguilar, a leader the Zetas cartel, was arrested and paraded in front of press. He's suspected in the killing of a U.S. drug agent. [NYT]

Writer Tristane Banon will bring attempted-rape charges against former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn over a 2002 incident. Banon's mother, a Socialist Party politician, convinced her not to file charges at the time; Banon first made the allegations publicly in 2007.

Former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn has been released from house arrest without bail, after revelations that his accuser might be so unreliable that the case won't hold up.

You know how sometimes you and a friend are in the middle of stealing someone's power tools when suddenly you get the urge to "make love" to them, plus also pepper-spray them a little? You do know this, right?

How's this for a nightmare: Lanell Dowling, a 26-year-old man from Brooklyn, was thrown into jail last year after someone told the cops that he looked exactly like the sketch of a violent mugger posted around the neighborhood. They looked into it, and wow! Even the Precinct commander remarked to the press at the time, "I've never seen something like that before," meaning how uncanny the similarity was. (Wait — isn't that the point?) So, convinced were they that they had their man, because — come on, have you seen the sketch? — they showed him to the four victims for positive identification. "Yup!" they said. "That's him!"

The U.S. Sentencing Commission has passed a new law that could reduce the length of sentences for the approximately 12,000 people in federal prisons for crack-related crimes. That's 1 in 17 inmates, 85 percent of whom are African-American, doing hard time for crack possession and trafficking.

The case against former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn is on the verge of falling apart. Prosecutors investigating charges that he raped a hotel maid in mid-May have found major holes in the woman's story, as well as "possible links to criminal activities, including drug dealing and money laundering," the New York Times reports.

A man in Kansas City was arrested yesterday afternoon for sexually assaulting a woman on the sidewalk in the middle of the day. When the cops discovered him with his pants unbuckled trying to run away, he told them, "I thought that lady was dead." Oh man.

Stow your valuables, hide your children. Recalcitrant glamour icon Lindsay Lohan is once again free to move among us, after serving just 35 days of home confinement at her Venice, Ca., townhouse. The original sentence for — quick, what was it? BZZ! Too long. "Pleading no contest to misdemeanor necklace theft" is the correct response — was four months in jail. So how did that become a month of lounging at home, during which she managed to violate her probation by testing positive for alcohol use? Because "she's a nonviolent offender and there are budgetary issues and jail overcrowding," a spokesman for the sheriff's department said. Of course! Those crowded jails. Big problem in Lindsay's Venice townhouse. (It's actually more of an '80s high-ceilinged apartment covered in paintings of herself. But whatever. It's overcrowded, 'kay?) [People, images via Getty and Bauer-Griffin]

If you were competing in the prestigious Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo barbecue cook-off and some other team started to annoy you, would you a. simply ignore them, b. taunt them for making "shitty bullshit food," or c. throw "some type of tear gas-like device" at them?

A student attending Michigan State's College of Osteopathic Medicine was charged with 13 felonies and one misdemeanor in connection with the killing, mutilating, or torturing dogs — Italian Greyhounds, to be precise.

A driver smashed full-speed into a man working on his disabled car on the side of a Houston road this morning. And that is the least disturbing part of this story. [Jalopnik]

We've all wanted to get back at our significant other's awful ex, but Natasha Larson went a little too far. She posted a personal ad on Craigslist posing as her husband's ex, posted her name and address, and told men to come over for quick, easy sex.

No, that isn't Charlie Sheen's shoe closet. Running shoes stuffed with nearly five pounds of cocaine were discovered in an abandoned suitcase left at John F. Kennedy Airport last Thursday, a spokesperson for U.S. Customs and Border Protection announced today.

Police in Delaware, Ohio, were called to the Bridgewater Banquet & Conference Center early Saturday morning to handle a domestic violence call. What they found was Stephanie Robinette, 30, a charter-school teacher, who, while attending a wedding at the center, had "gotten drunk and struck [her husband] several times before locking herself in a car." Here is how Delaware County Sheriff Walter L. Davis III describes what happened:

Emily Guendelsberger, an editor at The Onion's AV Club in Philly, was walking along with seven friend Saturday night when they ran into a group of teenagers (between 20 and 40 of them, according to different sources). And teens being teens, they attacked everyone for no reason, including Guendelsberger, who was knocked down and had her leg broken. She says that a bunch of girls came to her defense when they realized how badly she was hurt, so that's a bonus. Still, this only strengthens our longstanding support for a policy of incarcerating all Philadelphia-area teens between the hours of 8 p.m. tonight and 9 a.m. on July 27, 2014.