· We know that we're unacceptably late to the Weng Weng party, but that's no reason not to share this new tribute video. [via BoingBoing]
· If the Cavemen thing doesn't work out, there's always The Ad Couple for ABC to fall back on.
· Valleywag rounds up the four comedy video sites you haven't laughed at yet. We knew that Funny Or Die backlash was coming.
· The Bible, starring Luke Perry as Judas.
Famously sympathetic and non-controversial American Idol judge Simon Cowell sought out on-air sparring partner Ryan Seacrest on his radio show this morning to explain an ill-timed eye-roll that some people—we'd never make that leap, of course—may have uncharitably interpreted as an exasperated dismissal of contestant Chris Richardson's expression of sympathy over Monday's horrific Virgina Tech massacre. Cowell claimed to not even have heard the remark to which he was allegedly reacting, so enthralled was he by reliably insightful co-host Paula Abdul's thoughts on Richardson's explanation of his intentional use of the nasally upper registers of his singing voice. We feel it's our responsibility to pass along the above clip of the incident, allowing you to form your own judgments about a controversy threatening to tear apart a grieving Nation.
Since Lloyd Grove left his gossip post at the Daily News late last year, he's been bouncing around various offices in New York as a freelancer. In fact, he might be sitting next to you right now! Look to your left—now look right? Is that Lloyd Grove? While through his prosody Mr. Lloyd is known to millions, in the flesh he might pass unnoticed, appearing to merely be any number of undistinguished and fleshy middle-aged white men. To let your proximity to greatness pass by without knowing would be to squander your one true brush with the immortal. To prevent that agony, we've assembled this helpful video from some old footage we found by the crapper.
Late yesterday afternoon, we briefly noted the flap over international gigolo Richard Gere's osculatory battery of Indian actress Shilpa Shetty at a New Dehli AIDS rally, which prompted outraged protestors to set ablaze effigies of the satyr/activist for his public violation of their cherished star. Since we realize that our previous, blockquoted summary of the story was woefully inadequate in fully communicating the intricacies of this complicated matter, we point you to the fine work of Access Hollywood Cultural Analyst William "Billy" Bush, whose deep knowledge of Indian mores allow him to break down the shocking video of the event frame by frame and explain Gere's transgression with Zapruderesque attention to every taboo-violating detail.
We recommend that you immediately clear the next ten or so minutes of your schedule, for Kubrick-auditioning, extreme-overacting internet sensation Brian Atene has once again creatively spread-eagled himself on the YouTubes, unselfconsciously sharing his exposed Art with us all. We foolishly believed that it would be impossible to top his Planet of the Apes-themed holiday wish for the destruction of all humans, but his latest effort, a nearly nine-minute, improvised monologue evoking exactly what it would have felt like to be on the set of The Empire Strikes Back, represents a new, utterly exhilarating achievement in the craft of crazy.
We'll see you on the other side, after you're changed forever.
Fashion photographer Sante D'Orazio looks a lot like a late-in-life Dustin Hoffman all kitted out as a 70s Miami hustler. The buttons on his shirt rarely make it north of his solar plexus. And yet, he is almost always surrounded by naked models. His latest book, KatLick School, came out with its own party late last year. On Saturday night, at the just-opened second floor lounge of the Bowery Hotel, Sante's KatLick exhibition at the Stellan Holm Gallery was toasted. This kind of thing could go on forever, the book, the gallery show, the video game, the sudoku book. That the world likes to look at naked women isn't a secret, but it is Sante's secret to success. We brought our tape recorder to make this into an art project!
While we were trolling Craigslist earlier, we looked up to see none other than Craig himself lounging about in the front of the office. It was kind of like listening to Tiny Dancer and then looking up to see Elton John in a denim onesy banging on an old 88. Newmark himself is in fact something of a tiny dancer, a small man but full of brio. We grabbed videographer Richard Blakeley and scurried over to grill him on his legacy and on whether there was a whole generation of bastard children who have his Casual Encounters to thank for their conception.
Last night's edition of The Insider gave its audience a brief respite from incremental updates on who might be awarded the fatter, juicier part of Dannielynn Smith following a Bahamian judge's inevitable, Solomonic order to cleave the disputed infant in twain to share the fascinating story of the so-called Wolf Whisperer, star of National Geographic's documentary A Man Among Wolves. That this Whisperer was pragmatic enough, unlike Werner Herzog's ill-fated Grizzly Man hero, to choose an object of obsession that can't kill him with a single swipe of its paw bodes well for his future Hollywood prospects; if he'd met a tragic end chasing his feral dreams, his chances of having his story eventually adapted into a feel-good Friday night drama for CBS (starring Billy Ray Cyrus, red-hot off his Dancing with the Stars revival) would probably have died with him.
Last night the Academy of American Poets invited a number of noted intellectuals to read their favorite poems in front of a sea of old people at Lincoln Center. Historians David Halberstam and Simon Schama were there, ditto Dr. Bill Baker and of course, Ethan Hawke. Yes, by all of today's standards the star of Reality Bites is a public intellectual. And so we listened as the former Mr. Uma Thurman read his favorite poem, As I Walked Out One Evening. His stentorian voice soared through the auditorium. His limber tongue made quick work of Auden's trochees and spondees and thankfully, Gawker's Richard Blakeley was there to get it all on VHS.
We're so fond of our friends over at "Red Eye" that we had Gawker video boy Richard Blakeley put together a quick compilation of some of their greatest hits. Watch and learn how this crew of camera-ready professionals has become the only Fox News program to have as many articles written about it as it does viewers!
Even as we post this, "seven of the world's most highly-regarded graffiti artists" are painting a replica subway car in Manhattan. Is it a celebration of art? A validation of the importance of tagging? A nod to New York's storied history of graffiti? Sure! Most importantly, it's also a promotion for some new line of Adidas shoes. We sent our Richard Blakeley to the scene, where he spoke with graffiti artist Kiante.
Well, look at that! 'Vice' is doing a public service announcement about all the nasty-ass crap that's in the air and soil in Greenpoint and Williamsburg. Not that that's news, exactly, but we do like their implication that anyone buying one of those lovely million-dollar lofts springing up in the neighborhood is just asking for a great big case of cancer. They've got the obligatory quote from the hardened longtime Greenpoint resident, who tells the camera, "If I had that type of money I would be so out of here it wouldn't even be funny." Of course, they can't resist introducing the whole thing with a quickie anthropo-cultural tour of the area: "If you've been kicked out of art school anywhere in America in the past three years you're more than likely tending bar somewhere in the neighborhood." Or pretending to, at least.
On Friday night, Jimmy Kimmel guest-hosted Larry King Live on CNN. It was a very special episode about how the paparazzi and the media make the lives of celebrities just so difficult. He had a bone to pick with Gawker editor Emily Gould—apparently, a sighting had appeared on our Gawker Stalker map last June which seemed to catch the former Man Show host (who, let's remember, rose to fame on a show that featured him drinking beer throughout) "visibly drunk and talking loud." How unethical of Gawker to defame Kimmel's character by publishing this sighting without editing or fact-checking it, or even asking Kimmel's publicist for the requisite heartfelt denial! At first Emily thought that Kimmel was kidding about being so upset. He informed her that it wasn't funny. It's weird how people who are professionally "funny" often have no sense of humor! Anyway, Kimmel was so weirdly peeved that he told Emily that she was going to hell, cut her off midsentence all O'Reilly-style a bunch of times, and discussed the likelihood that "Emily's web site" would soon be shut down by the lawyers of angry celebrities.
While the rest of us are drinking and snoozing, the television is trying to transmit important information into our homes. Today, our special correspondent for T.V. punditry catches us up on the week in chat shows. Because we totally wouldn't watch that shit if you paid us. Get your tinfoil hats on!
If you've read Jalopnik—or seen the endless stream of posts they send over our way, some of them tangentially related to New York—you'll know that this is the week of the annual New York Auto Show. But what do New Yorkers know about cars? We sent The Assimilated Negro and Richard Blakeley to investigate.
