If you're a gay—or just like to pal around with the gays—today is a very nearly a holiday: Xanadu, the musical, opens on Broadway! That's right, a musical based on one of the worst movies ever made, camped up to a Gaydar-shattering 11. Last night "Nightline" spoke to the producer whose dream it was to see The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told on the Great White Way. Dig in, gays! Now that you're here, now that we're near, it is totally your time. [Note from our resident gay: "Also it stars Cheyenne Jackson, the gay who was so improbably in that horrible United 93." In case you needed any more convincing. ]

While most movie-tie in toys are conceived with no loftier goal than the draining of an indulgent parent's bank account, on last night's Late Show, David Letterman enthusiastically demonstrated Transformers's Optimus Prime-themed My First Orgasm playset, designed to help preadolescent males become comfortable exploring their rapidly changing bodies.

In our current dispatch from the New York (as opposed to the New York) fashion scene, Richard Blakeley journeys to Williamsburg, where he encounters a young musician with a fondness for Old Navy couture and (we're guessing) recreational pharmaceuticals.

I've always said that if there's one thing Silicon Valley needs, it's more show tunes. Which is why I'm such a sucker for the oeuvre of Randi Jayne and Jennifer Lee, the comedic duo behind such hits as "How to Get a Guy in Silicon Valley" and "Failure Is Fun (Valleyfreude)." (Jayne, newly solo, has come out with another brilliant number, "Crackberry," which you must go watch immediately.) But if you want to review Jayne's past works, you'll be stymied. "Valleyfreude" has gone missing. "It's a take-down," Jayne's site reads. I can't imagine that the disappearance of "Valleyfreude" anything to do with the fact that Jayne has a day job at Facebook. And that she's the sister of Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. And that Facebook's getting ready for an IPO. Oh, wait. I can imagine that.

Crowd-pleasing dances used to be the domain of the debonair and funky: Fred Astaire, John Travolta, Michael Jackson. But like everything else in mainstream culture, hot dancing has gotten geekified. Shimmy along with the ten best geeky dance videos of all time.*

On last night's Extra, socialite Lydia Hearst offered these words: "Even if it is just going to a party, that's a lot harder than most people think." Also, she claims that "socialites try to marry into money, and heiresses sort of come from it?" We never thought someone would make Tinsley Mortimer look like a genius, but we think Lydia just did.

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Audiences who opted to spend their holiday moviegoing dollars on a diet of giant fucking robots and LaBeoufian light comedy were left scratching their heads at a mysterious trailer that ran before the featured attraction, captured above by a cellphone-wielding audience member who managed to avoid MPAA anti-piracy sniper fire. Details were sparse—no title is given (IMDb lists its "fake working title" as Cloverfield), but the trailer tells us it's a J.J. Abrams production set to open January 18.

The extraordinarily well-adjusted Bee Schaffer attempts to complete a hug with her mother, Vogue editor Anna Wintour, outside the Ritz. It made us sad a little.

• Gore's son arrested on suspicion of drugs [LiveVideo.com]

While American actors still cling to the silly idea that most endorsements somehow diminish their personal brands, they've proven time and time again that once they travel overseas, they'll deep-throat virtually any product if the price is right. The Defamer Special Correspondent On Things Eva Longoria Will Put In Her Mouth For Money just sent us these two images from the streets of Madrid and Granada, respectively, depicting the Desperate Housewives star enjoying a chilly treat known as Magnum, a European item which we'll assume carries no connection to the extra-large line of Trojan prophylactics enjoyed by girthier men back here in the States.

On last night's edition of Larry King Live, CNN's in-house confessor to the disgraced Hollywood stars played host to the latest stop of embattled former TV surgeon Isaiah Washington's Breaking the Silence: I'm Mad As Hell And Not Going to Take It Anymore Tour, on which the controversially non-renewed Grey's Anatomy actor, freed of an apparent ABC/Disney gag order by his dismissal from the show, is taking to the media again and again to inform the public about the myriad conspiratorial forces (racism, gay puppetmasters, etc etc) that led to his being cast out of horny-doctor Eden.

Star magazine editor-at-large Julia Allison filled a seat on "Red Eye" last night, bringing her geopolitical expertise to bear on the subject of the recent attempted attacks in Britain. Maybe we should get Jules on the N.S.C.; she couldn't be any worse.

Before there was Facebook founder and future billionaire Mark Zuckerberg, there was someone much less deserving: Stephan Paternot (pronounced Pat-er-noh, but I like to pretend it rhymes with Hot-or-Not — on which, incidentally, Stephan would be rated a 6.2) In 1998 the 23-year-old millionerkind took his company (TheGlobe.com, a community site with a few million users per month) public for a record 606% first-day stock price increase. Paternot boozed and partied "the CEO in the plastic pants." Then the world realized that the Globe would never make money, and the stock price dropped from $97 to under a dime. Now he's an actor who's appeared in three movies — two of which he produced (Good sign? Bad sign). Then there's this breathless montage of news clips that he recently put on his blog.

With the highly lucrative days of (allegedly!) supplying Charlie Sheen with enough trannie valets to keep his fleet of luxury automobiles erotically parallel parked at all times long behind her, erstwhile whoremonger-to-the-Hollywood-stars Heidi Fleiss must find increasingly creative ways to leverage her unique brand for new lines of business. The latest, the cleverly named Nevada laundromat Dirty Laundry (it seems that Clean Clothes for Dirty, Dirty Sluts was already registered by a nearby competitor), should keep Fleiss solvent until she can find a place to park the trailer for her long-planned, lady-servicing Stud Farm brothel.

Sure, you may have enjoyed three-time Biggest Movie Star in the World titleholder Shia LaBeouf's fine work in Disturbia and Holes, but how much do you really know about the up-and-coming superstar handpicked by both Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg to be chased around their movie sets by giant fucking robots and old fucking archaeologists, respectively? Did you know that his unusual name, the bane of copy editors everywhere, means "Thank God for beef?," or that one of his parents was a pot-smoking hippie clown whose act once prominently featured a trained chicken?

Friday's "20/20" had a jailhouse interview with psycho fireman-impersonator Peter Braunstein. Braunstein, whose slurred cadence is due to the "don't be crazy" medicine they've put him on, describes the evening he held a former co-worker hostage and sexually tormented her for hours, as well as his hopes and dreams. It's a bizarre performance: The guy is clearly off the reservation, but how far off? He was polite enough to leave a thank you note at the scene of the crime, after all.

Uh, yeah, says "Access Hollywood."

Does what it says on the tin. We've got video of the Digg founder and his Diggnation co-host Alex Albrecht sitting outside a store in San Francisco waiting for an iPhone. "I'm gonna get two," says Alex, before the guys launch into their usual carny-like patter. Hm, are they really going to sell extras on eBay?

In the wake of last night's Larry King interview, Anderson Cooper devoted most of "360" to rehashing the old man's feather-light Paris Hilton inquisition. While Anderson was visibly disgusted by having to cover the subject, hey, you know, ratings is ratings. Anyhow, here's Andy questioning P.R. legend Ken Sunshine as to whether or not Paris should be doing one-hour interviews at all; he's apparently disgusted by "that lip-glossed mouth of hers."