Microsoft executive Megan Wallent, née Michael Wallent, has been keeping track of the number of times she's been called "Sir." It doesn't bother Wallent particularly. Even Tilda Swinton, the androgynous star of Orlando, gets addressed with the male honorific, she notes in the following video clip.

Time was, a camgirl had to turn on a 24-hour webcam to get some attention and maybe some gifts from her Amazon wishlist. Now this adorable little Japanese-American (or white girl who speaks fluent Japanese?) girl (woman? She lists herself as 21) named MRirian gets hundreds of thousands of viewers for each of her one-minute YouTube videos. Sometimes she speaks in Japanese, sometimes she even moves around, but mostly she just stares at the camera with her cute-overload face. Like so:

We know that we said we might not be able to continue on with our Celebrity Rehab viewership following its profoundly depressing premiere, as a weekly look at a largely incomprehensible, addiction-decimated Jeff Conaway would just be too disturbing to bear, comedic cutaways to a libido-overdriven Mary Carey's quest to achieve some inpatient sexual satisfaction notwithstanding. Still, we couldn't resist taking a peek at last night's episode, during which it was revealed that even in his mostly incapacitated, wheelchair-bound state, Conaway managed to smuggle in some cocaine.

Jobs told her off, saying her request was "rude." Surrounding Apple employees allegedly sniggered. Poor girl. As consolation, her retelling of the tale got her blog more than 3,000 votes on Digg. Ubiquitous egoblogger Robert Scoble caught Blue's reaction to the ordeal on video, eventually crashing Qik, his video-hosting service.

Last night Anderson Cooper, CNN's prettiest anchor, investigated that infamous video of Tom Cruise on Tom Cruise, Scientologist. His correspondent talked to a former member of the church and took us deep into the world of strange symbols and acronyms and claims made by America's favorite tiny grinning superstar actor. Then Cooper replayed a contentious interview with Scientology's head Inquisitor into the crimes of Psychology. Cooper even called the religion a fraud based on pseudo-science (or at least pointed out that that is a "criticism leveled against Scientology"). What's Anderson's beef with LRH?

"Please run a post explaining 4chan, /b/, the Encyclopedia Dramatica, etc.," asks reader Gabe Roth. "I just have no idea what that stuff is about, and it makes me feel old." While Gawker commenters know every obscure web site or at least can fake it, regular readers may want an explanation of some of the Internet's most strangely influential sites, an explanation shorter than Wikipedia's 2200-word article about 4chan. So I'll define Encyclopedia Dramatica, 4chan, /b/, Something Awful, and YTMND.

OK, so Ask.com is no longer Ask Jeeves, and you've never heard of Cracked.com. And really, the Internet isn't that much like a bad college house party at all. But still, parts of the humorous short "The Internet Party," from which we briefly excerpt above, ring true. Like the perky, plucky "Google," who's played by a much less pretty but equally nerdy version of Marissa Mayer.

Defamer's favorite defender of feminism/nicotine addict, Katherine Heigl, is making the rounds on the talk show circuit to ostensibly pump up the enthusiasm levels for her new rom-com, 27 Dresses. However, she spent most of her time on The Late Show last night emasculating her husband of two weeks, Josh "Katherine Calls Me Joshua" Kelley. That is, when she wasn't readily admitting that she wouldn't stoop to the level of actually paying to go see her own movie.

Can't get enough of John Hodgman, the Daily Show correspondent and Apple anti-pitchman? As "PC," he's ubiquitous today on NYTimes.com, where Apple has taken over the whole site with this supersweet ad. Sadly, Hodgman will not be coming to San Francisco for a show anytime soon, he told Valleywag. "I hope you enjoy the sound of geek-tech-folk-rock that is COULTON." Whatever you say, PC.

Here's what these two gentlemen, Rudy Villanueva and Tony Logan, told police in a recent YouTube video:

Pausing ever so briefly from the important work of culling tone-deaf attention-whores and those mentally unbalanced enough to believe their cruel co-workers are sincere when they say, "You should totally try out for American Idol, Billy! We love the way you rock out to 'It's Raining Men' in your cubicle every day! Make sure you bring your stapler 'microphone,' Simon Cowell will get a kick out of that," from the show's cattle-call population, last night's installment took some time to present the moving story of Never Been Kissed Bruce, a 19-year-old virgin who has yet to experience the pleasures of a woman's touch. Bruce was, perhaps not unsurprisingly, chaperoned by his not-at-all overprotective father, the curator of the heart-lock necklace into which his son will place his throbbing key pendant whenever he meets a lady of acceptable moral fiber.

Probably by not watching shows like the newly launched "Digg Reel." Instead of letting you just watch the top-rated videos on Digg, "The Digg Reel" shows them to you — but not before it wastes 96 seconds of your life with a bumper and chatter from overly loquacious host Jessica Corbin.

Remember Brenda Dickson? I don't! But the soap opera star, whose 1987 self-made video "Welcome To My Home" (featuring Brenda in various outfits showing off her crib) got passed around YouTube a year ago, is back with another. It's less satisfying but no less creepy/pathetic/adorable, as Brenda talks over photos of herself in different outfits before cutting to her documentary on The Young and the Restless. Below is the older video; the new one is on her personal site. "Hi I'm Brenda Dickson," she begins. "Ahhh, this couch is so comfortable," she says before reliving her heyday with poorly sampled TV clips.

As the early episodes of each American Idol season are nothing more than the televised, cattle-call slaughter of talentless attention-seekers anxious for twenty seconds of screen time (in a new twist, a jaded Simon Cowell has taken to dispatching the deranged and tone-deaf with a blast of an Anton Chigurh-style pneumatic cow-pulverizer before they even finish their first, off-key verse), there's hardly a shortage of material for "Look At How Crazy This Guy Was!" clips.

Last night, we were able to pry Intrepid™ Defamer videographer Molly McAleer away from "American Idol" long enough to cover the release of Feral House's new book, Hollywood's Hellfire Club. Held at the legendary Silent Movie Theater, the event featured a virtual treasure trove of Bundy Drive Boys memorabilia from Hollywood's golden days of yore. Of all the pieces on display, we found ourselves most bowled over by John Decker's notorious Barrymore Death Bed Sketch. Our snazzily scored video has got that picture and much, much more.

Click to view
via videosift.com

Well, in case you hadn't heard the news, we got hit with a copyright infringement notice from the Church Of Scientology earlier today. Frankly, we've been too busy watching repeat after repeat of Defamer's appearance on The Today Show this morning to pay it much mind. After all, that's what they pay lawyers for, right? Anyhoo, we managed to get our paws on another outtake from the DVD from whence the "Freedom Medal Of Valor" speech came*. In it, Tom Cruise helps explain how he saved America after 9/11 ... without even asking for permission!

Yesterday's ten minutes of Tom Cruise madness? Tip of the proverbial iceberg, SPs. The entire hour-long video, as the boss pointed out, has been passing between journos and Scientology critics for a while now. And someone sent us the whole director's cut. Attached, a couple clips from the ceremony honoring Tom Cruise's official Freedom Medal Of Valor (for Achievement in the Field of Excellence). Tom Cruise, as you'll see, destroyed the field of psychiatry itself, fought government oppression, and spread incomprehensible jargon across the entire world. Go ahead and cancel the Oscars, we'll happily watch this.