While American Idol positions itself as the greatest singing competition in the history of the world—and, let's face it...It is! It really is!—it also performs a crucial secondary service for which it too often goes uncredited: Introducing America to the Small Town Gay .

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Why the Today Show waited so long to combine massive martinis, Meredith Vieira and Martha Stewart into a segment is beyond us. After watching two of the most regal small screen dames tip back an early morning stiff one, we're ready to hand the producers a Daytime Emmy. The festivities began with Martha calmly asking Meredith if she'd prefer gin or vodka in her martini (no Cosmos for these boozehounds), Meredith got all flustered and said, "Uhhhh, whatever you recommend?!" Martha's suggestion? "I like vodka!"

Former Gawker editor Choire Sicha interviewed BusinessWeek's Jon Fine—husband of confused gazillionaire Mediabistro lady Laurel Touby—for this internet video thing called Bloggingheads. And he sorta made Jon uncomfortable! No one likes to talk about money, especially when they have lots and lots of it. "This short clip is my final, incoherent (and actually feverish) attempt at rehashing his wife Laurel Touby's complaints about her riches in the New York Times," Choire says. Enjoy Jon's hip Ramones shirt and admire his vast record collection, after the jump!

The 60s are back! Thanks to the candidate for change! Attached, Barry Hussein's new TV ad, set to run right here in New York City—which is briefly important again, did you hear? Barack Obama knows America is sick of the same old ways of doing politics. They're tired of dynastic families remaining in Washington for generations. He knows also that everyone loves the Kennedys! At least, most of the Kennedys. The dead ones mostly, plus the ones we don't see too much of, like Caroline. It was so nice of those Kennedys to adopt Barry and make him one of the family! Just like Brad and Angelina! Or maybe he's infused with the spirit of JFK himself, like Suri Cruise! (The Times notes that the spot references the moon landing, which NIXON did, while leaving out the Bay of Pigs. Seriously? You thought they'd include the Bay of Pigs? Why not a drugged-up Marilyn Monroe getting double-teamed by the President and the Attorney General too!) The full ad is below, watch and pine for the black and white America you don't remember but it seemed pretty awesome.

Tough love guru in the media crosshairs Mr. Phil has broken his silence™ about the Britney Spears incident, speaking with Matt Lauer on The Today Show this morning. Since exploding onto the national stage as Oprah's motivational-speaking protégé, no other case has managed to so rattle the foundations of his "Talk Loudly At People Until They Do What You Tell Them To Do"-based therapy practice.

THR's Gold Rush blog finally delivers video of the incident, though from the director's perspective; you'll probably have to turn up your speakers to make out Young's now-infamous "Get on with it!" exhortation, but the perturbed honoree's now-poignant "Have another cocktail" retort is clearly documented by the Reporter's camera. Presumably, the clip brings this turbulent chapter in awards show history to an anticlimactic close, at least until some blurry cameraphone footage of Young's subsequent ejection from the event makes its way to YouTube.

· Don't look so put out by that dude who's not cool with your knocking-up, Jessica Alba. He's the one who's helping to pay for little Cash, Jrs. baby clothes.
· As long as she's got a bottle of wine and two other jilted lovers, Maggie Gyllenhaal doesn't need AMPTP and his lies.
· Christian Brando, Christopher Coppola, whatever. Close enough.
· You know times are tough when the CAA Death Star bothers to lean over to devour the stringy, unsatisfying flesh of the fully grown in a desperate attempt to sustain itself.
· Well, sure. If no one tells the Japanese tourists that the little person the guy from Herman's Head has just reduced to tears is supposed to be standing in for a child, of course they're going to be a little disturbed by such an upsetting tableau.
· Seriously, though: if you watch only one video of a muscle-suited, 1994-era Ryan Seacrest having tennis balls fired at him by 12-year-olds, make it the one we posted this morning. Continue to ignore it at your own peril.

G4TV's impossibly shiny haired co-host of Attack Of The Show, Olivia Munn, sure is a trouper. During a bit that aired near the end of Friday's episode, Munn took a nasty spill while writhing about in a shallow pool of baby oil (and you wonder why we DVR the show every night?). Turns out that her slip-n-fall bruised more than just her ego; after the show was completed, paramedics were called to the scene and she was "whisked" away to a local hospital.

I want to believe Paul Fetch is the most cunning comedian of our time. If the videos by this YouTube user are parodies, and his entire online persona is a character, then we must all bow down to the new king; Zach Galifianakis, Tim and Eric, and David Cross must commit ritual suicide in front of him. But chances are he's just a terribly unfunny douche. Examine these three examples of remotely possible genius.

This clip from a 60 Minutes profile of IAC CEO Barry Diller which ran last summer bears watching again. Especially the last 10 seconds, in which Diller's wife and close advisor, Diane von Furstenberg, explains Diller's business philosophy:

Even battle-hardened, still-occupied, America-hating Iraqis are embracing this brave new media landscape of ours. According to newswire AFP, our wacky post-colonial subjects are posting some hilarious YouTube material lampooning us, our little war, and even themselves! Sort of. Mostly us, though.

The runaway success of NBC perfect storm Ben Silverman's resurrected American Gladiators, the spandex-clad, suspiciously muscled new stud of his network's strike-crippled primetime stable, inspired studio MGM Television to scour its back catalog for a way to further exploit the just-revived brand. According to THR, that desperate hunt turned up short-lived 1994 spin-off Gladiators 2000, a Ryan Seacrest-hosted curiosity that pitted pre-teen competitors in scaled-down bloodsports from the flagship show and added educational quizzes about health and fitness (cower before the brain-melting nutritional nightmare that is the Food Pyramid!).

· Take heart, Britney fans: On today's The View, one of the upstanding new people in Spears's life told Barbara Walters she's getting the help she needs for her "treatable" mental "issues"; Walters wants to believe him, though she admits she's not as reliable a lie-detector as the ones they use on The Moment of Truth.
· Eugene Mirman sets the standard by which all subsequent Tom Cruise parody videos will be judged. Sorry, Jerry O'Connell, it's going to take more than adding some outtakes to unseat the new, turtlenecked king.
· A jubilant No Country for Old Men's Josh Brolin dances upon the grave of the big studios who signed his paychecks.
· The Daily Show's Aasif Mandvi helps explain the WGA's often-confusing strike rules.

Ever since Quentin Tarantino blew the doors off an unsupecting Sundance Film Festival with the release of Reservoir Dogs, he's been a consistent January fixture on the Park City scene since that fabled winter of `92. Heck, after 16 years, he's practically a local by now. So imagine QT's surprise when he strolled out of local Starbucks with his mocha choca latté ya ya and encountered a pesky paparazzo standing there in the parking lot. The good news? QT looks like he's dropped some LBs since we last saw him (at the presser for Golden Globe nominations). The bad news? He got a little slap happy with the lensman.

• New Commonwealth Bank ad [YouTube]

Parodies of Tom Cruise's babbling Scientology video are coming so fast we're approaching the Tom Cruise Video Singularity. Everyone's seen the brief Craig Ferguson parody and the Stephen Colbert joke, but comedian Eugene Mirman did a good long parody, as have several other pros and amateurs. There's one particularly creepy mashup comparing the language of Tom's rant to Hillary Clinton's nearly-tearful video from New Hampshire. Here's EVERY PARODY VIDEO [with new ones added!].

A reader with much sharper eyes than ours asked us to go back and review a SAG awards audience reaction shot during the standing ovation for legend Mickey Rooney, feeling that there was something a little lascivious in Hairspray star John Travolta's sidelong glance at Eastern Promises' Viggo Mortensen.