We're but days into a new year, but already a landmark human rights milestone has been reached: Straight men who secretly wear pantyhose are finally stepping out of the shadows and embracing their long-stigmatized choice. Yes, the era of "mantyhose" is upon us, and not a second too soon for guys like Mack, 35, who for years "wore women's pantyhose under his clothes to keep him warm while he worked as a landscaper," but now can wear special men's tights like Comfilon's Activeskin Legwear for Men every day, even though he doesn't actually work outdoors any longer. They're just nice and comfortable, OK?

Prosecutors seeking to revoke Bernie Madoff's bail have submitted a list of gifts that he allegedly sent out on Christmas Eve to family and friends. There's still at least one package missing, though (and there may be others), so if you get a package in the mail with the return address of 133 East 64th Street and you open it up to find, say, a gently-used diamond watch, please contact the FBI. Thanks! [NYT]

When you woke up this morning, you never imagined that today would be the day when you'd be able to get rid of that boring ringtone on your cell phone and replace it with the voice of Ms. Anna Wintour herself, did you? Well, you're in luck! We're pleased to announce that the Vogue editor is now available in ringtone format (click on her photo to download), which features Anna dispensing populist fashion advice that you shouldn't take to heart for a moment. To balance the scales a bit, though, we've also created a more sensible André Leon Talley ringtone for you. Andre's wise advice and instructions on how to make these free ringtones work on your phone after the jump!

Ron Perelman may be selling his 190-foot yacht for $67 million, but the billionaire mogul isn't dry-docking the ship until a buyer comes along: Daniel Benedict and Andrew Saffir report that they spent New Year's Eve aboard the "beyond chic" Ultima III off the coast of St. Bart's. "It's the only place we ever want to be on New Year's Eve," the duo tell Fashion Week Daily. Take heart, gentlemen: If the economy continues to spiral downward, Perelman should still be in possession of the boat to ring in 2010. [FWD]

For any mere mortal with an unfamous last name, now would be about the worst time to launch a new business. But no such earthly considerations apply when you're fashion royalty like Moises de la Renta, Oscar de la Renta's adopted son, who tells Paper's Paul Johnson-Calderon that he's now working on a womenswear label, MDLR, as well as starting up a small design firm or "hub." PJC also reveals that Moises is an "uber-talented photographer," which makes it all the sadder that his relationship with camera-obsessed social Genevieve Jones didn't last long enough to earn her a thick portfolio of glossy pics.

• Hideki Matsui appears to be on the move: According to the Observer's Max Abelson, the Yankees outfielder is the one who plunked down $10.5 million for theater producer Rocco Landesman's three-bedroom penthouse at The Heritage at Trump Place. [NYO, previously]
• T. Michael Long, a partner at Brown Brothers Harriman & Co., and his wife Catherine have sold their fourth-floor apartment at 176 Perry Street for $7.5 million. [Cityfile]
• Former Merrill Lynch VP Rosemary Berkery and her husband, attorney Robert Hausen, paid $5.2 million for a 16th-floor apartment at 975 Park Avenue. [NYO]

• It wasn't just overly tanned Jews in Palm Beach who were ripped off by Bernie Madoff. London's Evening Standard says Italian fashion designer Valentino may have been a victim as well. [ES]
• Ten days before his arrest, Bernie Madoff convinced elderly Palm Beach entrepreneur and philanthropist Carl Shapiro into giving him an additional $250 million. [WSJ]
• Bank Medici founder Sonja Kohn, who raised $2.1 billion for Madoff from rich Europeans and Russians, is now missing. [NYT]
• Disgraced Madoff pal Ezra Merkin will step down as chair of GMAC. [FT]
• German billionaire Adolf Merckle, who committed suicide earlier this week, was in debt to the tune of $6.7 billion. [BN]
• American companies shed 693,000 jobs in December. [MW]
• Bank of America's Ken Lewis will not be getting a bonus. [BN]
• Ken Griffin's main hedge fund dropped 53 percent in 2008. [CNN]

If Katie Couric seems a little less cheerful around CBS headquarters this morning, that's probably because America's sweetheart is turning 52 today. Others celebrating: Magazine mogul Jann Wenner is 63. Nicolas Cage is turning 45. CSI: Miami's David Caruso is 53. Kenny Loggins is 61. And Dustin Diamond, better known as Screech from Saved by the Bell, will turn 32 today.

• Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick may seem really happy and content with life, but it's just a carefully-constructed façade that is now crumbling to pieces because Broderick can't stop himself from cheating. Or at least that's what the Star is claiming after it caught sight of SJP socializing with a real estate broker, something you wouldn't even think of doing unless you were planning to leave your husband and move out on your own, right? [Star]
• Peter Cook has filed charges against Christie Brinkley for refusing to hand over son Jack's passport so the two can go on a school trip to Egypt. [P6, OK!]
• Disgraced Lehman CEO Dick Fuld and his wife Kathy needed help using JetBlue's check-in kiosk in Palm Beach, poor things. [P6]
• Paris Hilton says she's not a slut because she's only had sex with "a couple of men," which, by that standard, means you're still a virgin. [The Sun]

If our Bernie Madoff ringtone failed to satisfy your craving for Madoff-related multimedia, perhaps this rap video will do the trick. We're going to go out on a limb and say this is quite possibly the first rap song in history to squeeze in references to both Libor and Larry Kudlow, but presumably this is what happens when investment bankers lose their jobs and turn their attention to novelty singing careers. And it's nice to see the grand tradition of Jewish rappers remains alive and well, isn't it?

A new report released today says millionaires in the U.S. have seen their assets shrink by 30 percent during the economic crisis and 55 percent of the people surveyed said they are now concerned they won't have enough money left to maintain their lifestyle. One solution: Put your money in the porn business, which seems to be faring well despite the downturn. [Reuters]

• If you were thinking you were the only person fed up with Agyness Deyn, you'll undoubtedly be happy to hear that BBC viewers have named her the "Most Annoying Person of 2008." [NYM]
• Marc Jacobs is planning to open yet another store in the West Village, believe it or not. [WWD]
• Because the '70s never go out of style, the Paco Rabanne brand may stage a comeback. [Vogue UK]
• Two more designers have bowed out of Fashion Week in February. [WSJ]
• Oscar de la Renta, meanwhile, has added a second show to the lineup. [FWD]
• Anne Hathaway has new extensions to go with her oversized smile. [Style]
• Former Vogue cover girl Liskula Cohen is most unhappy that some people have been calling her a "skank" and ''ho" on the Web. [NYP]
• Urban Outfitters is planning a giant store for the UWS. [NYP, NYT]

You certainly have to take advantage of the city's free Christmas tree recycling program if you don't feel like it, but would it be too much to ask to avoid tossing your tree into oncoming traffic? [Bowery Boogie]

• Those "anniversary specials" at the Four Seasons and Daniel? They may actually just be recession discounts in disguise. [W&D via GS]
• The latest contender to take over Wakiya is Danny Meyer. [Eater]
• Patois, one of the first upscale spots to open on Smith Street in Carroll Gardens, will serve its final meal on Sunday. [NYT]
• Momofuko Ko is offering a $225 Super Bowl take-out special. [Eater]
• The UWS's Emerald Inn won't be shutting down after all. [NYT]
• A Q&A with food critic (and former New York employee) Gael Greene. [RG]

If your child is in eighth grade, you have lots of money, and you've been having trouble snagging a reservation at the Waverly Inn, you now have another potential path to those $55 bowls of truffled macaroni and cheese. Greenwich Village High School—the private school backed by Vanity Fair editor (and Waverly co-owner) Graydon Carter, actor John Leguizamo, and New School president Bob Kerrey, among others—is taking applications for its first freshman class through January 15. [NYO]

It's been nearly two months since the town of East Hampton first began its crusade against Ron Baron, the investor accused of razing the 3,000-year-old dunes on his 40-acre beachfront property without obtaining the proper permits in advance. At the time, East Hampton threatened Baron with a $500-a-day fine until the problem was resolved and the "habitat was restored." Unfortunately, it turns out that $500 a day doesn't go very far when you're trying to scare a billionaire into submission.

Barack Obama has offered the job of Surgeon General to CNN's Sanjay Gupta, and he may accept the position in the next few days, "according to people familiar with the situation at the television network and in the Obama transition." As far as we know, Dr. Drew Pinsky has not yet been tapped to serve as drug czar, but the position is still open, so here's hoping! [NYT]

Bernie Madoff might not be able to leave his apartment, but now you can take him with you wherever you go! We're very happy to present you with the very first Bernie Madoff ringtone, which in a violation of everything Bernie holds dear, we're giving away for free. The ringtone features a few phrases from a talk Madoff gave in 2007, set, appropriately enough, to the theme music from the horror movie Halloween. As for how to actually turn this MP3 into your ringtone if you don't know how to do it, you should probably consult your cell phone manual or something. We have it working on a couple of Blackberrys—navigate your browser to this address, open the file, and save it your Blackberry and you'll see it appear in the directory of ringtones. It's a bit more complicated with iPhones, but here are instructions if you feel like giving it a shot. Oh, and we'll be giving away a few more ringtones in the next few days, so if you have suggestions, now would be a good time to let us know. [Bernie Madoff Ringtone - Download]

How bad is the unemployment situation in New York? Here's a clue: Both the New York State Department of Labor's toll-free hotline and the online filing system crashed today because "as many as 10,000 people per hour were trying to log into the system." [AP]

• Laura Bush either received $1.5 million for her memoir or $3.5-5 million, depending on who you believe. Either way, it's a lot less than Hillary Clinton's $8 million advance for Living History. [NYP, WSJ]
• Chris Matthews is not running for Senate, according to his brother. [P'ticker]
• A new buyer has emerged for TV Guide. The movie studio Lionsgate is picking up the cable network and website for $255 million. [AP]
• Senior Village Voice staffers are taking 10-15 percent pay cuts. [DW]
• Another reason kids can't find Iraq on a map: Foreign-related news coverage by the three major networks fell to a record low during 2008. [IPS]
• Those ads on the front-page of the Times run $75K on weekdays. [NYP]
• Ogilvy & Mather is cutting 10 percent of its staff today. [AdAge]
• CBS's Lara Logan gave birth to a son. [FBDC]