It seems Stella Schnabel is kind of annoyed that she's been described on this site as "scenester." She's a real actress now, don't you know? (She's currently starring in Ry Russo-Young's You Won't Miss Me, which debuted this week at Sundance.) Stella tells Spout.com that people who say such horrible things just don't "know" her. "They can write whatever they want because they are not basing it on anything. I mean, I go to a party or because I like to dance... they just actually write that I am dancing just because I am my father's kid, not because it is something different than another girl dancing at the club... I don't even go to clubs. I go to underground Cuban places in Harlem," she says. Not sure attending the CFDA awards or sitting front row at Zac Posen's show during Fashion Week is something every other girl gets to do, but we look forward to meeting up with Stella at one of these "underground" clubs in Harlem in the near future. [Spout.com]

A bit of advice: Be nice to the man serving you toro tonight. A 23-year-old Brooklyn man says he was attacked by an out-of-control sushi chef who used his 12-inch "work knife" to "fillet" the man's face after the two got into a traffic dispute. [NYP]

The local economy is about get a huge shot in the arm—well, the sections involved in selling liquor, Marlboro Lights and recreational drugs, anyway! Skanky supermodel Kate Moss and her quote-unquote rockstar boyfriend Jamie Hince may be planning to move to New York, so that Hince's band, The Kills, can "crack America." Kate has supposedly already shortlisted some New York apartments; neighbors, we wish you luck!

• Goldman Sachs co-president Jon Winkelried (left) has cut the price of his waterfront mansion in Nantucket. Originally purchased for $7 million in 1999, Winkelried put the home on the market for $55 million in October 2008. He's now lowered the price to $38.5 million. [WSJ]
• A. Robert Towbin, a managing director at Stephens and the former co-chairman of C.E. Unterberg, Towbin, has sold his 2.5-acre property on West End Road in East Hampton for $26.5 million. That's $11 million less than what it was first listed for back in mid-2007. [WSJ]
• Brooke Astor's former duplex at 778 Park, which has yet to sell despite a substantial price cut—it was first listed at $46 million before the price was reduced to $34 million in October—has been pulled off the market. The listing should resurface with Kirk Henckels as the new broker. [NYO, Curbed]

Be sure to watch the video to the very end to enjoy what will undoubtedly become an instant classic.

Law & Order's Mariska Hargitay turns 45 today. Developer Bruce Ratner is turning 64. Broadway heir James L. Nederlander Jr. is 49. Citigroup investment banking chief (and Obama BFF) Raymond McGuire turns 52. Tiffani-Amber Thiessen is 35. Legendary French actress Jeanne Moreau is 81. And Princess Caroline of Monaco is turning 52. Weekend birthdays after the jump!

• More on John Thain's ignominious departure from BofA. [WSJ, BN, NYT]
• Mary Schapiro was approved by the Senate to head the SEC. [DB]
• Citi is remaking its board and is ousting Ken Derr and Franklin Thomas. [FT]
• Some investment bankers are keeping busy: Pfizer is in talks to acquire Wyeth in a deal that could be valued at more than $60 billion. [WSJ, BN]
• Wesley Edens' Fortress is returning cash to investors. [WSJ]
• Marc Dreier will need to post a $20 million bond to walk out of prison. [NYT]
• Job cuts in UBS's investment banking division come next month. [AP]
• Rumor has it additional layoffs at Goldman are coming, too. [Dealbreaker]

• Lizzie Grubman gave birth to another son yesterday. Little Jack arrived ahead of schedule, though, which must be wreaking havoc on Lizzie's weekend plans. [P6]
• Larry King lost "more than $1 million" to Bernie Madoff. And some sources say Madoff is now contending with some "serious" health issues. [P6]
• Tom Cruise is undergoing an image makeover so he can win back female fans. This will reportedly prohibit him from wearing sunglasses on the red carpet, getting grabby with Katie Holmes, or lecturing TV hosts on psychiatric medications. [Star]

We didn't end up with a Kennedy or a Cuomo in the end. We got Kirsten Gillibrand. Unless, of course, Gov. David Paterson changes his mind between now and noon when he makes a public announcement. So you can still cling to the thought it's Fran Drescher. [NYT]

• Malia is totally into "pleats and pared-down things," but is not a "huge fan of sparkles." Sasha, on the other hand, totally adores "bright colors and sparkly things." Could America's first daughters be any cuter? [WSJ]
• IMG would really love it if Michelle Obama turned up for Fashion Week next month. [SF]
• The mood was not very cheery at Men's Fashion Week in Milan, reports Guy Trebay, who says designers appeared to be reacting to the downturn "by staging a mass memorial for themselves. [NYT]
• Rumor has it 60 Minutes is planning a story on Anna Wintour. [NYM]
• Is Barneys' parent company putting the retailer up for sale? [BN]
• A sneak peek at Scarlett Johansson's new ads for D&G makeup. [SW]
• Not surprisingly, Jason Wu's website has been flooded with traffic. [FWD]
• Christian Lacroix's fab Paris apartment is up for sale. [Fashionologie]
• Sad and very disturbing: Brazilian model Mariana Bridi had to have her hands and feet amputated due to a life-threatening blood infection. [NYDN]

You know what you don't need when you're under 24-hour lockdown in your apartment? Six cars. The trustee liquidating Bernie Madoff's investment firm has asked a judge to allow him to cancel the leases on six vehicles, including a Range Rover, Cadillac, Lexus and three Mercedes Benzes. Five of the six will go back to dealers in New York City and Long Island; keep an eye out for a 2009 Mercedes S550 that suddenly appears on the lot of Rallye Motors in Roslyn. Odds are it's either black or gray. [Bloomberg]

Ted Forstmann and Padma Lakshmi walking into Madison Square Garden last night to attend the Knicks game. [Splash News/CelebGuru via GS]

• Scott Conant says he has no plans to take over the Wakiya space. [RG]
• Photos from last night's Citymeals-on-Wheels tasting event. [GS, MM]
• Madaleine Mae on the UWS: closed temporarily or gone for good? [Eater]
• The legal problems at Hawaiian Tropic Zone are getting worse. [NYDN]
• Football haters rejoice: Kyotofu is throwing an anti-Super Bowl party. [GS]
• Nolita's Lovely Day will be back in business beginning tomorrow. [Paper]
• David Chang's Momofuku showed up on last night's Real World. [GS]

Those interested in pissing off their neighbors could learn a thing or two from Russian mogul Valery Kogan and his wife Olga. The two purchased a 20,000-square-foot Greenwich mansion back in 2005, then infuriated neighbors by announcing plans in May 2008 to tear it down and build a new 27,000-square-foot palace—replete with 26 toilets—in its place. That plan was rejected by the Greenwich planning commission, which led the Kogans to propose a somewhat more modest plan, which called for a mere 21,000-square-feet of living space and 15 bathrooms.

New York City's unemployment rate jumped to 7.2 percent in December from 6.2 percent in November. According to the Department of Labor, the unemployment rate is now at its highest level since July 2004. Feel free to listen to Beyoncé's "Naughty Girl" a few times if you'd like to achieve the full July 2004 time machine effect. [City Room]

Eric Roth has a lot to be thankful about. The award-winning writer of Forrest Gump and Munich, this morning Roth was nominated for an Oscar for his adaptation of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. The bad news? Whatever money he made from Benjamin Button—or any of his other movies—is long gone. In late December, Roth revealed that he'd lost "all his retirement money" to Bernie Madoff's $50 billion Ponzi scheme. Now Roth has filed suit against Stanley Chais, the LA-based money manager who helped collect an estimated $250 million for Madoff. So if Roth ends up winning on Oscar night and his acceptance speech strikes you as a little overly emotional (or you're just outraged that Button won), you should probably cut him a little slack.

If you've been wondering about Alexis Stewart's newly perky boobs—and who hasn't, really?—and you've been trying to figure out who was responsible for the handiwork, you're in luck: Page Six reports the credit goes to plastic surgeon Robert Freund, a disciple of Sherrell Aston and Dan Baker. Now if only we could get Martha to reveal who's responsible for her nips and tucks, too. [Page Six]

If you have a sec this afternoon, could you say a little prayer for Mario Cantone? The man has a dream, and if there's anything the election of Barack Obama has taught us, it's that big, bold dreams occasionally do come true: "In the [Sex and the City] sequel, I want Brad Pitt to play my boyfriend! Why not? He gave $100,000 to turn over the California gay marriage law. So, there! He should play my boyfriend." [NYO]

Ever looked at ads for exercise devices that promise to morph your body into that of a teenage Korean gymnast on steroids and been vaguely tempted, notwithstanding the fact that the before and after pictures feature a "results not typical" disclosure in 3-point font? Especially since the transformation is always touted as fast and involving a very minimal time commitment? Well, exercise physiologist Carl Foster has come to save you from yourself.

What was Martha Stewart's favorite part about attending the inauguration in DC? No, not watching Obama's swearing-in or attending the galas, silly. Martha says she was most excited about the train trip that she took to get there, since she got a really good deal on first class Acela tickets and ran into Dan Rather, too! [MarthaStewart.com]