A bunch of nuts from PETA turned up outside Madison Square Garden yesterday dressed as KKK members. Why, exactly? Because the Westminster Dog Show is currently taking place there and the American Kennel Club "promotes pure breeding of dogs that is harmful to their health." So that's what it was about! Unfortunately, no one seems to have handed the demonstrators the solid beating they deserved: "The most common reaction was to pull out a cell phone and start snapping photos." [Gothamist via Jossip]

We have no idea what the global financial crisis has to do with bowling, but Lucky Strike Lanes & Lounge is using it as a pretext to hand out 1,000 free Metrocards in Midtown next Tuesday. At least that's what the press release says, which you can view yourself below.

Here's the perfect accessory for those of you who have watched your 401Ks implode in recent months (or those of you who've been watching the market tank this afternoon): The company that brought you that novelty Jesus action figures a few years back is now capitalizing on current events with "Wall Street Victim" figurines. "These poor people represent the emotions many of us went through as we watched our investments plummet to unimaginable lows and then plummet some more," reads the product description. At the rate things are going, though, the company's "Angry Mob Play Set" may end up being a more appropriate purchase in the near future. [McPhee.com]

However much you might wish to, there's absolutely no escaping the increasingly well-documented trend for men to sport major facial hair (especially if you've recently ventured into Williamsburg, which is like stepping into the Appalachians). Amid all the hype, though, a very important related issue has been neglected, namely, what horrible afflictions might befall a woman obliged to kiss one of these hirsute creatures? "Chafing, eczema or acne brought on by beards isn't that uncommon," says dermatologist Hema Sundaram, and she warns that facial burns that bleed might require antibiotics. We do hope that porcelain-skinned model Jessica Joffe's new romance isn't subjecting her to such horrors!

• HarperCollins announced layoffs and a major reorg today. [NYO, Gawker]
• No one wants to take the editor job at OK! [Page Six]
• Ron Burkle's magazine distribution company is suing a bunch of publishing companies for trying to drive it out of business. We should be so lucky. [NYP]
• Michael Kinsley explains why micropayments won't save newspapers. [NYT]
• Time's Walter Isaacson, however, argued the opposite position last night when he appeared on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. [NYO, TDS]
• Hachette is dropping out of the Magazine Publishers of America. [AdAge]
• Live Nation and Ticketmaster have announced plans to merge. [NYT]
• CBS scored big ratings on Sunday thanks to the Grammys. [AdAge]
• A day in the life of Fox News anchor Shepard Smith. [Esquire]

You can add The Carlyle Group to the long, long list of financial firms looking to cut back on their private jet budgets. The Washington-based private equity giant that counts members of the Bush family as investors is now looking to unload its 2004 Gulfstream G450. Like its rivals, it's been a challenging few months for Carlyle, which was ranked the largest private equity firm last year by Private Equity International. In December, the firm announced plans to slash 10 percent of its staff—the first layoffs in Carlyle's 20-year history—and it also said it planned to close down its Silicon Valley office. The jet broker responsible for selling the G4 didn't indicate how much Carlyle is hoping to get for the plane. (Similar models run about $30 million.) But if you're in the market for a jet that's made its fair share of trips to Kennebunkport and Crawford, you may want to set aside a little extra to replace all the gaudy gold plating in the bathroom and kitchen. Photos and detailed specs after the jump.

So it turns out that various "natural" weight-loss supplements may actually contain real drugs, but you'll have to hurry to get your hands on them before the FDA sniffs out all the products that don't disclose their exciting illicit ingredients. Following a class action lawsuit against StarCaps by NFL players who tested positive for the drug bumetanide, the pills—which are sold by surgerized socialite Nikki Haskell with the tagline "Dare to be thin!" and endorsed by her friends like Ivana Trump—have been pulled from the shelves of stores like GNC, and the FDA is continuing to test other diet supplements.

Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner's revamped bailout plan doesn't appear to be providing Wall Street with much reassurance that the economy's going to get better anytime soon. The stock market has been plunging since Geithner's speech this morning, and the Dow is now down close to 350 points. [CNN, MW, BN]

Mark Green announced he was retiring from politics when he lost the Democratic nomination for state attorney general to Andrew Cuomo in 2006. But now we've got a crisis on our hands and Green is returning to the fray to save us from ourselves! Green announced this morning that he plans to run for his old job as New York City's public advocate: "In a time of crisis, the city needs leaders who combine proven experience with new ideas." And who appreciates these gloomy economic times better than someone who lost a bundle to Bernie Madoff? [NYT/City Room]

It seems the East Hampton town board has followed through on its threat to sue Ron Baron, the dune-destroying billionaire who installed an 800-foot concrete barrier on his 40-acre Further Lane property last year and has been battling the local authorities ever since. The Post reports that Baron has been ordered to appear in court on March 16th, where he'll face eight code violations for his failure to secure the proper permits and for construction work that led to the destruction of several 3,000-year-old dunes. Baron could face four years in jail if he's ultimately convicted. But we doubt Baron will get to that point. Even if he is someone who once likened his battle to get gay men to stop having sex on the stretch of beach in front of his house to the war in Vietnam.

We're not sure what purpose ASmallWorld serves given the Euro-heavy social network was eclipsed by sites like Facebook years ago, but we finally understand the value of this ASW "magazine" that the faded site introduced a few months back: It's a fantastic vehicle for self promotion! The "mag" checked in with a handful of people to ask them what they'd recommend buying in honor of Valentine's Day. Any what do you know? Most of them proposed items that they produce themselves. A few examples appear below. In the meantime, we eagerly await the upcoming food issue and Mario Batali's humble suggestion that we eat at Babbo every night.

• Last June, Karen and David Fleiss listed their duplex at 1030 Fifth Avenue for $47.5 million, later cutting the price down to $39.95 million and then $34.5 million. When that didn't pan out, they tried selling just the bottom floor for $15 million. Apparently that didn't work either, and so now the couple is back to offering discounts. The eight-bedroom spread is now on the market for $25 million, almost half what the couple was asking for it a mere eight months ago. [Cityfile, PDE]
• Bar Pitti owners Giovanni and Michele Tognozzi have paid $1.6 million for a five-bedroom house in Peconic on the North Fork of Long Island. [Newsday]
• Former Newsday publisher Raymond Jansen, who lowered the price of his Lloyd Neck home earlier this month, has gone into contract to sell the waterfront estate. [Newsday]

It looks like Vanity Fair editor Graydon Carter won't be available to educate your children after all. Although Greenwich Village High School was due to make its debut this fall, Andrea Peyser reports today that the school—backed by Carter, VF deputy editor Aimee Bell and actor John Leguizamo, among others—may never open at all, and the building was shuttered recently. Guess you'll have to be like everyone else and compete with 12,427 other parents for a precious spot at Dalton and Fieldston. Our condolences. [NYP]

Jim Cramer has a reason to be even more manic today: It's his 54th birthday. Recent Fox News arrival Glenn Beck is 44. Disney CEO Bob Iger is turning 58. This Week's George Stephanopoulos is 48. So is Alexander Payne, the filmmaker behind Election and Sideways. Restaurateur Elaine Kaufman is 80. Musical legend Roberta Flack is 72. Laura Dern turns 42. Actress Elizabeth Banks is 35. Robert Wagner is 79. Tween star Emma Roberts is turning 18. And swimming legend Mark Spitz is celebrating his 59th birthday today.

• Paris Hilton hasn't given up on her dream of musical superstardom. At a Grammy after-party on Sunday, she accosted Paul McCartney and asked him if he'd be interested in doing a duet with her. Paul politely explained that he didn't think he'd have the time. [The Sun]
• Gwyneth Paltrow didn't join Chris Martin at any of the Grammy after-parties, so he found another chick to hang out with instead. [NYDN]
• The Chris Brown-Rihanna situation has taken a turn for the worse. Rihanna's injuries are reportedly "horrific," and include bite marks, facial contusions, and a bloody nose. Brown has hired attorney Mark Geragos to defend him. Both stars have cancelled upcoming appearances. And Brown's Doublemint gum ad has already been pulled. [People, TMZ, NYP]

Oh, no! Poor Barack Obama bumped his head while boarding Marine 1 at the White House yesterday. Fortunately, neither the helicopter nor the president sustained any serious damage. [YouTube via Buzzfeed]

• Everyone on Wall Street is waiting for Tim Geithner to take to the stage at 11am to outline the administration's new bailout plan. Among other things, he'll be announcing a new name for the bailout: TARP (or Troubled Asset Relief Program) will be FSP (or Financial Stability Plan) from now on. [BN, DB, CNN]
• UBS announced a quarterly loss of $6.9 billion and now says it plans to cut another 2,000 more jobs at the bank. Is there anyone left? [NYT, WSJ]
• Linda Chatman Thomsen, who has led the SEC's enforcement division since 2005, has stepped down from the job amid criticism. [NYT, NYP]
• One thing Wall Street has clearly screwed up as of late? Its PR efforts. [TDB]
• Private equity firm Fortress has slashed 11 percent of its staff. [DB]
• Strangely, there are few buyers for the crappy assets AIG is selling. [BN]

• Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabanna are playing priests in Rob Marshall's new movie, Nine. Yes, that's right, priests. [WWD]
• McDonald's is the official coffee of Fashion Week. Yes, that's right, McDonald's. Free espresso all week, folks! [AdAge]
• Did Saks screw up retail forever when it slashed prices last November? Possibly. [WSJ]
• Istithmar says it has no plans to sell Barneys. [NYT]
• Vera Wang plans to branch out to footwear this spring. [WWD]
• Henry Holland's Grammy dress for MIA earned him tons of attention last night; he's now gearing up for London Fashion Week. [Telegraph, Independent]
• Jason Wu talks about what he has planned for Fashion Week. [NYDN]
• Alexander Wang is introducing limited-edition condoms. They'll be sold at Thompson Hotels and the proceeds go to Planned Parenthood. [NYM]

Animal rights activists have been trying to ban horse-drawn carriages in Central Park for several months now. (For some reason, they think the practice amounts to animal cruelty.) But now they've come up with an alternative: They're proposing that the city replace the horse-drawn buggies with replica of Model Ts. Tourists visiting from Iowa will still get to feel like they're stepping back in time, and because the vehicles will be powered by electricity, it'll be entirely eco-friendly, too! Aside from the grim aesthetic implications—"the sound of clopping hooves is one of the only aural pleasures available on the edge of the oasis that is Central Park," Michael Gross points out today—and the fact the proposal would put hundreds of carriage drivers out of work, PETA has managed to line up support from attention-loving City Councilmember Daniel Garodnick, who now says he plans to put the matter before the City Council this spring.

• What's that 20% surcharge on your bill? It seems a bunch of restaurants are now secretly adding gratuities to diners' checks even though it's illegal. [NYP]
• Tom Colicchio's latest gimmick: He's calling Craftsteak's front dining room "Halfsteak" and serving half-sized portions for $15 or less. [Eater]
• Drew Nieporent and Terrance Brennan discuss the lousy economy. [GS]
• It's not just the high-end that's hurting: Bodegas are suffering, too. [NY1]
• A look inside the newly-opened Butcher Bay. [Eater]
• Are Thomas Keller and Daniel Boulud launching a line of frozen foods? [Eater]
• Starbucks is trying its best to make people think it's super-affordable. [WSJ]