Trouble just keeps piling up for scandal-plagued art dealer Larry Salander. In 2007, his Salander-O'Reilly gallery on the Upper East Side was shuttered amid charges he'd bilked clients out of millions. This past June, after filing for bankruptcy protection, most of his assets were sold off. And now? He's behind bars. Salander was taken into custody at his Millbrook home this morning and has been charged with 100 counts of grand larceny, forgery, falsifying business records, perjury, and other assorted crimes. On the bright side, at least Bernie Madoff will have a really knowledgeable person to consult when he decides to decorate his jail cell.

If you were looking for an explanation for the slender physique that Harvey Weinstein has been showing off in recent months, you needn't look any further than the back of weight loss guru Dr. Louis Aronne's new diet book, The Skinny, which arrived in bookstores this week. Harvey was kind enough to issue a surprisingly cheerful blurb: "Dr. Aronne's new book is the most informative and intelligent approach to understanding weight loss and gain. Starting with page one, you will immediately feel healthier and better off. A must-read!" (As for that last bit, you can probably assume the "must-read" is just a gentle suggestion. Unless, that is, you're one of Harvey's poor assistants, in which case you should interpret it as an order.) But if you're one of those people who's been coping with the absence of Project Runway by binging on ice cream—and you're not inclined to shed the pounds by following Heidi Klum's suggestion and stomping up and down outside Weinstein's house—well, now you have an alternative.

When Padma Lakshmi said she planned to put her "passion for meat" into a new commercial for the fast food chains Carl's Jr. and Hardee's, she wasn't kidding, clearly. Her new TV spot for the company has finally debuted, and well, we certainly hope Teddy has no objections. [YouTube]

Jessica Szohr walking her dog downtown ... Hugh Jackman getting coffee in the West Village ... Ivanka Trump walking on Madison Avenue ... Agyness Deyn carrying a Barneys shopping bag down Fifth Avenue ... Missy Elliott getting out of an SUV ... Spike Lee walking on Central Park South ... Kelly Rutherford filming scenes for Gossip Girl outside the Pierre Hotel ... Diane Kruger walking in Midtown ... Jennifer Aniston heading to the set of The Baster in Chelsea ... and Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupri leaving dinner at the Waverly Inn.

Rarely are the experiences of athletes a lesson to those of us who tend to restrict their cardio to carrying a bag of groceries up one flight of stairs. But it turns out that the consumption of caffeine before competing in various sports like running, rowing, and swimming measurably enhances performance—which means that it's worth drinking coffee before going to the gym or getting on the treadmill, or indeed any half-assed attempt to burn calories. Caffeine not only increases the power output of muscles, say researchers, but also "affects the brain's sensation of exhaustion." And if you swallow enough, it provides hallucinations and communication with the other side, which would really liven up a dull workout!

• It looks like Karen and David Fleiss are willing to try anything to unload their duplex at 1030 Fifth. The couple originally listed the apartment for $47.5 million last June. They then lowered their price twice and tried selling off just the bottom floor for $15 million. When that didn't work, they took the listing down and lowered the price of the entire eight-bedroom unit to $25 million. But that didn't work out either, so now they've re-listed the bottom floor once again, albeit for a more modest $12 million. [Cityfile, PDE]
• Frederick Hill, director of Berry-Hill Galleries, has sold his two-bedroom penthouse at 43 West 64th Street for $2.55 million. [Cityfile]
• The 24th-floor Trump International apartment once occupied by Rand Skolnick, the former CEO of Solgar Vitamins who died last year, has been discounted by $1 million after just a month on the market. It's now $7.75 million. [Cityfile, Trump Realty]

Poor Gwyneth Paltrow: We can scarcely imagine how trying it must be to accept that ever since she won an Oscar ten years ago, the world has been increasingly remiss in validating her admirably high self-esteem. Her website, Goop.com, whose sole aim was "to put good things into the world," was widely misconstrued as the out-of-touch ramblings of a narcissist, and then with the release of one of the few films she's deigned to make recently, Two Lovers, all people could talk about was her co-star Joaquin Phoenix going nuts instead of her bravura performance. So how to rehabilitate the unjustly devalued Paltrow brand? Duh, a clothing line, of course! It's a collaboration with Parisian brand ZOEtee and even better, the proceeds are going to a children's charity. No one could possibly find anything to criticize about that, could they?

Fashion Week queen bee Fern Mallis turns 61 today. The legendary Diana Ross turns 65. Nancy Pelosi is 69. Keira Knightley is celebrating her 24th. Steven Tyler is 61. Curtis Sliwa turns 55. Michael Imperioli is 43. Journalist Bob Woodward turns 66. Author Erica Jong is 67. Martin Short is 59. James Caan is turning 69. Amy Smart is 33. Jennifer Grey is 49. Leeza Gibbons turns 52. Kenny Chesney is turning 41. NBC's Chris Hansen turns 50. Hedge fund manager William von Mueffling is 41. And Elaine Chao, the former Labor Secretary and current sister-in-law of Bruce Wasserstein, is 56 today.

• The Jeremy Piven sushi drama just won't quit. Piven's dispute with producers over his decision to leave the cast of Speed-the-Plow will now be heard by an arbitrator in June. But Piven doesn't seem too worried: He says he's "looking forward to testifying," since President Obama recently described mercury poisoning as "the world's gravest chemical problem." [Reuters, Us, TMZ]
• Sean Penn and Natalie Portman were supposedly spotted "making out" at the Sunset Tower Hotel earlier this month. At least that's what the Star says. [Star]
• Are David Duchovny and Tea Leoni getting back together? They were spotted "canoodling" on the beach in Mustique. [NYDN]
• Scarlett Johansson is on a "rigid diet" at the moment. She's also the "new muse" of Moet & Chandon, just so you know. [P6, WWD]

• Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner plans to ask for greater oversight of financial markets and stricter regulation today; his proposal will also seek more control over hedge funds and private equity firms. [BN, WSJ, NYT]
• The departure of two execs from AIG's Paris office could trigger defaults on $234 billion in derivative contracts, believe it or not. [WSJ]
• Morgan Stanley and Mitsubishi are merging their brokerages in Japan. [DB]
• Some say the insurance biz is the next shoe to drop in the crisis. [NYP]
• Commercial real estate loans are heading south in a hurry. Delinquency rates have more than doubled since September. [WSJ]
• Gross domestic product fell at a 6.3% annual rate during the fourth quarter of 2008; state unemployment claims are up, too. [WSJ, CNN]
• Hope you skipped business school: "The MBA will soon be joining equities and house titles in the museum of formerly overvalued pieces of paper." [TBM]

• Lauren Conrad isn't folding her clothing line. She's just taking a "couple of seasons" off, silly. [SW]
• Topshop gave away free stuff today. [Racked, NYM]
• Jason Wu has yet to meet Michelle Obama in person! Clearly, this outrage must be rectified at once. Get to work, Desirée. [Vogue UK]
• Thom Browne has accumulated so much debt that he may lose control of his own company. [NYP]
• Is Filene's Basement about to go bust? [WWD]
• A law under discussion in Texas and Florida would require minors to get a doctor's note before using a tanning bed. And the Florida provision would ban tanning for anyone under the age of 16. Bastards! [Style.com]

AIG issues new vehicles for executives [EV Grieve]

Exciting news, Lauren Bush fans: The most popular member of the Bush clan unveiled her new clothing line at Barneys today, and there was nary a scrap of burlap in sight! A step in the right direction? Possibly! Bush says the "mission" of the line, which is named Lauren Pierce after her first and middle names, "is about the fabrics and the cause." "I didn't want it to be about my personality," she explained. We're hardly fashion branding experts, but if you'd prefer your line to be more closely identified with your "mission" as opposed to your "personality," is it really the best idea to name it after yourself? At least she was thoughtful enough to do away with any association to her not-so-popular uncle, which should count for something. [VF, previously]

• Bouley was on every critic's menu today: Frank Bruni handed it three stars ("only Daniel and Per Se give you quite the same feeling of giddy privilege"); the Post's Steve Cuozzo was extremely pleased ("heartstoppingly beautiful"); and TONY's Jay Cheshes was perfectly happy with the food, although he thought the service could have been a bit better. [NYT, NYP, TONY]
• Word has it that the new exec chef at Graydon Carter's Monkey Bar is Elliot Ketley, formerly of Soho House. Also: Not surprisingly, people who collect a paycheck from Carter think it's absolutely marvelous. [Gothamist, NYO]
• Per Se's new à la carte menu—revealed! [Eater]
• The best dive bar in NYC per Details? Jimmy's Corner on West 44th. [Details]
• A visit to Dutch Kills, the buzzed-about bar opening in Long Island City. [BB]
• Red wine increases the female libido, for your information. [Decanter]
• Rachael Ray will be at the 92Y tomorrow if you've got $27 to spare. [92Y]

"While everyone and Matt Lauer has recently jumped on the Twitter bandwagon, did you know that Inside DVF has been twitting for quite some time?" We didn't, actually, but we were wondering what on earth gave Lauer the idea to start tweeting, and it's nice to finally have an answer. [DVF]

You heard about the 25 men—and they are always men—who were ranked the top-earning hedge fund managers of the year, walking away with a collective $11.6 billion during 2008. What about the biggest losers? Alpha magazine will publish that list tomorrow, but Dealbreaker has the deets on the top three people on the list: In first place is Ken Griffin, who watched $2 billion vanish, while Eddie Lampert came in second, having witnessed $1 billion evaporate into thin air. Right behind him is Steve Cohen, who was mercifully spared a 10-digit loss but still ended up down $750 million on the year. That doesn't account for the unrealized losses related to Cohen's massive art collection, naturally, but you can't really expect Alpha to tackle that. We're counting on you, Artforum! [Dealbreaker]

Sure, this recession piggy bank doesn't hold much change, but it's not like you have that much money sitting around, do you? If you do, it's probably about time you head over to TD Bank so they can convert your coins into cash. Do hold on to your quarters, though. You're going to need them! [Buzzfeed]

Dr. Drew Pinsky may say that America's obsession with vanity is waning, but for some women the lure of cosmetic transformation is impossible to resist: so much so, in fact, that a beautification-related crime wave has broken out! In one daring stunt, a 24-year-old British woman conned a makeover show into paying $50,000 for laser skin treatments, new teeth, clothes, and hair-styling, then disappeared before they could finish filming. We know: It's upsetting to see this most classy and wholesome of TV genres, the only purpose of which is to help people, be exploited so heartlessly.

Get your extra quarters ready: The MTA board voted 12 to 1 this morning in favor of raising subway and bus fares from $2 to $2.50 per ride, even though the agency also plans to carry out a round of service cuts and shut down certain bus routes and extend the length of wait time between trains. On the bright side, if you were one of the unfortunate souls to lose your job this week, this news shouldn't faze you much, since you won't have to worry about commuting from now on. [NYDN]

• A new poll finds that one-third of Americans under 40 think The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are replacing "traditional" news outlets. [HP]
• Nickelodeon is asking kids to unplug their TVs and gadgets for a minute on Earth Day to signal "a commitment to helping the environment." Just a minute, though! Then they can go back to filling their heads with mindless junk. [AP]
• CNBC's Larry Kudlow will not be running for the Senate. Crushing! [NYT]
• Ratings for President Obama's telecast last night "showed some audience slippage compared with his two most recent live events." [THR]
• The Chicago Tribune and LA Times are combining their foreign reporters into one unit. Meanwhile, the AJC is cutting 30% of its staff. [E&P, AP]
• How is Twitter going to make money? Good question! [WSJ]
• William Morris is likely to seal a deal with Endeavor this week. [TDB]
• Verizon says it plans to launch its own local TV channel in NYC this summer. It will be just like NY1, minus the incomparable Pat Kiernan, of course. [WSJ]