• These days, everyone keeps methadone in the fridge! [TMZ]
  

The real story of the week was the Sapphic cravings of popstitute Britney Spears. We turned to Lisa Parrish, the Hookup blogger for "The L Word"-based Our Chart, a randy lady-based social networking site, for help in dealing with the accusations of lesbian lady-craving leveled at Britney Spears in this week's In Touch and everywhere else.

· Sienna Miller is still losing her valiant battle with fame.
· Britney and that guy she dated for about fifteen minutes have "broken up." How much pain can the world endure in a single day?
· Ah, finally, some healing.
· Because we know how much you love lists: Radar's top ten stereotypes in cinema history.
· We promised ourselves no more Anna Nicole links today, but then Gawker went through the trouble of whipping up this impressively detailed obit.

• Falling all over the place, chomping on lollipops, and snapping her thong. Britney!! Just move here!! [Page Six]
  

• Britney Spears let her baby fat hang out at the Baby Phat party. [Us Weekly]
  

This should reassure precisely no one: The temporary joint custody agreed to by proud parents-in-Vegas-club-hopping-asbentia Britney Spears and Kevin Federline shortly after their divorce has been extended:

Lately, we'd found ourselves wondering whether broke-down songbird Britney Spears likes to drink alcohol. Luckily, Grub Street's reliably awesome Ask A Server column has finally answered that burning question, via their interview with Dirty Delta, a waitress at famed E. Vil drag queen restaurant Lucky Cheng's.

· The Film Experience blog compiles a list of people you're probably going to be pretty sick of by the end of 2007.
· The LAT examines the Spoof Movie Fart Joke Mystique.
· A question to which we don't care to ever know the answer: What's Up With Brit's Necklace?
· Rachel Zoe to reveal the utterly mysterious ways in which she transformed many of your favorite troubled starlets into stylish, stick-thin zombies.
· A fun thing for film nerds to discuss: Martin Scorsese's use of X's in The Departed.
· And the award for Best Sneaky Use Of A Network Catchphrase In A Publicist's Statement goes to this Bravo flack for working "Watch What Happens" into her response to the Top Chef spoiler flap.

Taking 'Drea to task for employing hyperbole is, of course, like spanking a fish for swimming. That being said, though, we were a little taken aback when we came to this line in today's column (a celebration of Kevin Federline's parental skills):

It didn't take Kevin Federline long to settle into his life's true calling as a career self-parodist, with his Nationwide commercial set to air during this Sunday's Superbowl. For those of you who can't wait, the ad is streaming at the insurance company's website, where you just might find K-Fed's rodent grin peeking out from under a snappy fedora while you unsuccessfully attempt to navigate your way to the page that might let you cash in on a deceased spouse's policy. As an added bonus, here's part of a Q&A sent to us from a flack assigned to the thankless task of stirring up as much K-Fed-related excitement as possible:

· Your moment of only-in-Hollywood-Zen: 10-year-old filmmaker sues for creative control.
· The PR teams of Hollywood's favorite Democratic presidential contenders have taken their battle to the media: "Star Wars Heat Up: Hillary's Hollywood Rebound" counters "Obama Excites Entertainment Community." Also: Help name the Hillary fan club!
· Residents of the west side, beware the Beverly Hills Yeti. While frightening to look at, at least you know it won't eat you.
· Britney's Other Baby is spotted on Take Your Neglected Child to Work Day at her recording studio.

Well, this is embarrassing. So we'd rounded up some gossip items the other day about America's sweetheart, Britney Spears: we mentioned a "leaked song" on YouTube that seemed to be her "Cry Me A River" to K-Fed, and we linked to Jeannette Walls' report that Brit seemed preggish. After Variety broke the story yesterday, Fox News reported that the former claim, at least, is untrue: "That is NOT her vocal, that is NOT a song on her forthcoming album," Jive rep Gina Orr is quoted as saying. Today's Page Six brought the Variety quotes to the non trade reading masses:

• Britney Spears might have a thing for Jews. [Radar]
  

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line) and let everyone know about the time Jason Bateman's gay dog mounted your friend's bi-curious daschund on Runyon Canyon.

Tailspinning poptard Britney Spears has not been making the greatest choices lately, having most recently ordered her accountants to fold the portion of her budget reserved for miscellaneous baby needs into the newly established $40,000-A-Night Vegas Suite for Private Time With My New Actor/Model/Soulmate Fund. But could Spears, whose mythically potent fertility has inspired primitive cultures as far as the Amazon to carve her image out of limestone and rub the statuette's belly to enhance their reproductive chances, have gotten herself knocked up again? The Scoop, noting a report from In Touch Weekly, presents the evidence:

• A leaked version of Britney's contribution to the Cry Me A River genre is up on YouTube. It's a pretty nuanced critique. [YouTube]
  

· A tip to those easily freaked out by the way 24 dramatizes the methods that terrorists can use to wipe you out: You might want to skip tonight's episode.
· Britney Spears dropped $40k to stay at the two-story Hugh Hefner Sky Villa at the Palms over the weekend, which includes a fee for the concierge to keep the kids busy at the slot machines while mommy and her new friend test out the Jacuzzi.
· Compared to the bi-curious pain that Miss Nevada USA put Donald Trump through, you'd think he'd be pretty excited that Miss New Jersey USA merely was impregnated by her live-in boyfriend. And the Miss USA folks really move fast, as the runner-up who assumed the NJ tiara due to her predecessor's inability to uphold the pageant's anti-knocking-up bylaws already has her headshot in the place of honor on MissNewJerseyUSA.com.
· Stars Killed By Gunfire: Perhaps the most morbid local TV station website slideshow we've ever seen. A real achievement!
· Cocktail conversation topics to avoid with director Taylor Hackford: "'Ask him what he's done since 'Ray' - that's guaranteed to get you punched out,' one pal of the couple helpfully advised."

Back on Wednesday, we showed you a video that demonstrated the publicist-stopping power of Taser's new personal security device. Late this afternoon, a Defamer operative reports on yet another practical Hollywood application of the technology:

Meet Isaac Cohen, the dude who's currently putting it in Britney Spears. He doesn't have that whole Kevin Federline weasel face thing, which is a plus, and he also doesn't appear to be sporting cornrows. But that's definitely a bandanna he's wearing underneath his backwards trucker hat, sigh. We are just going to go ahead and put it out there: Britney, maybe you could consider dating (or, you know, "dating") an actual black person? We don't understand this shit. It's like if someone preferred carob to actual chocolate. Uh, in a manner of speaking.

Stubbornly refusing to have the decency to succumb to some kind of debilitating medical condition and turn over his fashion-critiquing duties to a hungry up-and-comer like Ryan Seacrest or the deranged homeless man who hisses "Frumpy!" at each passer-by while urinating on Gucci's Rodeo Drive storefront, superannuated celebrity style arbiter Mr. Blackwell has once again released his annual list of Worst-Dressed Famous People. Unable to choose between nightclub narcoleptic Britney Spears, whose exposed vagina he probably mistook for a particularly ill-fitting pair of panties, and Paris Hilton, whose sartorial crimes against humanity hardly need to be recounted in this space, Blackwell decided to allow the duo to share his list's top spot, calling them "two peas in an overexposed pod." Also making the list: Lindsay Lohan ("tragically trapped in fashion's fast lane"), Christina Aguilera ("all crass, no class"), and, somewhat shockingly, Meryl Streep, whom Blackwell paranoidly accused of "stealing my adult undergarments and wearing them on her head at the Golden Globes."