We always eagerly anticipate Franklin Avenue's coverage of the annual pumpkin carve-off that pits the various media-related tenants of the Wilshire Courtyard office park (E!, The Weinstein Company, Variety, The Family Guy production headquarters, etc) in a thrilling exhibition of their impressive gourd-sculpting skills, an event that more often than not ends in a regrettable knife-fight in the companies' shared courtyard over perceived voting irregularities.
On a day when she should be celebrating the release of her Fake Superman-endorsed new album, embattled part-time mother Britney Spears once again finds herself the victim of a California child-welfare system gone utterly mad with power, discovering anew that the oppressive institution steadfastly refuses to acknowledge that successful parenting involves more than "paying attention" to her kids or establishing freedom-smothering "routines" that create chaos-minimizing home environments.
In the unlikely event that it's slipped your mind, today marks the official release of the most anticipated comeback in the history of music, Britney Spears' Blackout, a record that the erstwhile pop-star, her label, and the intermittently estranged children who want their momma to start earning a living again desperately need to make the public forget about the vagina-flashing, VMA-trainwrecking desperation of her post-In The Zone life.
Apparently Britney Spears is not having the greatest day at family court. This landed in our inbox: "When asked by an Extra reporter in the hallway outside a Los Angeles Superior courtroom as to how she was doing, Britney Spears shouted out, 'Eat it, lick it, snort it, f*%k it!' Spears walked back into the courtroom crying." [Extra]
Left: "A young boy plays with a toy rocket-propelled grenade launcher in the Shiite enclave of Sadr City in Baghdad, Iraq on Friday, Oct. 26, 2007. (AP Photo/Hadi Mizban)" Right: "Britney Spears arrives at court for a hearing to work out custody arrangements with her ex-husband Kevin Federline for their two young sons on Friday, Oct. 26, 2007, in Los Angeles. (AP Photo/Kevork Djansezian)" Not shown: "When asked by an "Extra" reporter in the hallway outside a Los Angeles Superior courtroom as to how she was doing, Britney Spears shouted out, 'Eat it, lick it, snort it, f*%k it!' Spears walked back into the courtroom crying. (Extra]
If you've truly given up all hope of living a productive and meaningful existence, we guide you now to AccessHollywood.com's live feed from the court steps of today's Spears-Federline custody hearing, where you can spend the next hour or so listening in on Tony Potts and Girl with Star-Shaped Microphone submit to an explosive bout of verbal, Britney-speckled diarrhea. Once you've sated yourselves with their insights, you can then continue onto similarly fulfilling activities, such as follicle-by-follicle pubic depilatory sessions and seeing how many canned olives you can eat before puking.
From Publishers Marketplace: "Mother of pop-star Britney Spears and television actress Jamie-Lynn Spears's personal story of raising high-profile children while coming from a low-profile Louisiana community, to David Dunham and Joel Miller at Thomas Nelson, for publication in Spring 2008, by Chip MacGregor at MacGregor Literary." Thomas Nelson is a publisher of Bibles, inspirational (Christian) books, and occasionally books by pontificating celebrities like Bill Cosby, so Lynne Spears is a natural fit for their list.
With a significant portion of Southern California engulfed in apocalyptic hellfires sent by a vengeful God clearly envious of our year-round good weather and easily accessible, delicious produce, the hardy footsoldiers dispatched to the front lines of this unwinnable war display extraordinary courage in the line of duty. We speak, of course, of the paparazzi angling for a shot of Britney Spears's home. The NY Observer reports:
"The horror of having to evacuate homes during Malibu's biggest wildfire in recent history is not being helped by fallen pop star Britney Spears' recent custody troubles. 'Basically, all the paparazzi are still out there trying to get their Britney shot,' said one resident of the beachy burg. 'They don't even care much about the burning houses.'" [NYO, Photo: AP]
With just eight short days until the release of "Blackout," Britney Spears's attempt at stepping away from all the sock-related distractions and again donning her popstar hat (a Kangol-brand porkpie), the first reviews have appeared, including a dispatch from the NY Daily News in which the critic is struck by the robot behind vocals:
From time to time the news cycle offers up an event of such import and complexity that it can only be comprehended through the medium of musical theater. This week resident composer Ben Greenman takes a closer look at the event that keeps us awake at night with anticipation: The impending death of now-childless young Britney Spears.
