Here's a riveting turn of events in the ongoing Spears-Federline custody saga that's all but certain to push the name Jamie Lynn to the tabloid sidelines for a minimum of two publishing cycles: The "Gimme More" singer's stubborn refusal to hand over her two children to K-Fed's custody led to a four-hour police showdown at her home tonight, requiring the presence of several squad cars, firetrucks, a helicopter and an ambulance—the last of which carted her off on a gurney to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. (Footage courtesy of myfoxla.com, accompanied by running commentary from a cameraman whose gripes of having to "follow this frickin' thing to the hospital" suggest he may not have been entirely aware his audio was being broadcast throughout the internets.)

We all know Britney Spears has been having a tough time of it right? Well, she may have just have had a psychotic break. As in, she snapped and the Britney Spears we knew as someone who flirted with insanity but never actually went there, has gone insane. Here's the deal: So earlier today she had custody of her kids, Sean and Jayden, for a finite amount of time before she had to return them to Kevin. At the end of that time, she didn't want to give up them up after her visiting hours were over. So the LAPD came. Her lawyers (who we though she fired, and maybe she did) came. Britney, they said, is "hysterical and just wants to keep the kids overnight." And, well—as an aside, this is really sad and doesn't give us that much pleasure to report—but PageSix.com is reporting "Paramedics just showed up at Britney's house. Paramedics just rolled gurney into Spears house. Sources are now revealing to PageSix.com that "someone is being transferred to the hospital for a mental evaluation." So it might not be Britney but if anything means anything ever it probably is.

• Britney Spears loses custody of her fifth legal team in her ill-fated attempt to take care of her kids. [P6]
  

The ongoing, late night room-service-binging odyssey of Britney Spears and Adnan Ghalib, a swarthy former paparazzo turned platonic (but open to more!) confidante continued with news from usmagazine.com that the two spent the wee morning hours at the Parker Palm Springs:

It's a little late, but the Jewish media titans controlling this site don't exactly know when the pagan holiday commemorating the birth of your false prophet falls on your calendar; what you call "Christmas," occuring on December 25th, is just regular ol' Tevet 16th, 5768 to us. Having said that, here's a video montage of Britney Spears set to one of her own Christmas songs, as compiled by Defamer's own Image Party Picasso, Molly McAleer.

Britney Spears took the love/hate relationship between a star and the paparazzi to its logical extreme this weekend when she allegedly bedded a photographer who, according to Us Weekly, "regularly covers" the pop star—which means that he either photographs her a lot or that this isn't their first tryst:

When news first broke that Jamie Lynn Spears, the up-and-coming, 16-year-old sister to down-and-going, 26-year-old Britney Spears, had made up her mind and was keeping her baby, those looking for someone to blame instantly turned to Lynne Spears—a big-league stage mother seemingly incapable of keeping her litter in check. Now, the publisher of what was widely reported to have been a guide to good parenting authored by Lynne leaps to her defense, claiming the book was in fact a cautionary tale about the pitfalls of breeding children for fame—a subject on which Lynne is arguably the world's foremost expert:

Larry Birkhead and Britney Spears? It's not as crazy as it sounds: Says an insider to In Touch, "Larry has a thing for vulnerable blondes - and no one seems more vulnerable than Britney these days." Of course, his lower back will always belong to Anna Nicole, but we're thinking those two might not be the worst coupling we've ever heard of—the Sean Preston/other one/Dannielynn/Casey Jr. playdates alone make it something worth exploring. [In Touch]

Having only pre-shot Spears-related pregnancy segments involving scenarios in which the reliably troubled, impressively fertile Britney is knocked up by either one of her record producers, a Starbucks barista with whom she spends more quality time than her children, or a Child Services case worker lured into her sex dungeon during a routine home visit, the media found themselves scrambling to deal with the wholly unanticipated news of Jamie Lynn's impregnation that broke late yesterday.Defamer videographer Molly McAleer has compiled this brief sampling of how some TV outlets (such as local ABC and NBC affiliates and the always-nimble TMZ) responded to this story of unparalleled international importance, wrapping it up with today's coverage from The View that had the advantage of an entire night's worth of Whoopi Goldberg's thoughtful contemplation.

With the shocking—just shocking!—news arriving late yesterday afternoon that knocked-up sixteen-year-old Zoey 101 star Jamie Lynn Spears, little sister of overmatched young mom Britney and the Spears clan's last hope to raise an earner who could stay out of trouble until her early twenties, might not have been properly educated about the contraceptive options available to teenage actresses who don't want their burgeoning careers stalled by unplanned motherhood, we've all had a sleepless night to adjust to the realities of this new, post-impregnation world. We now retreat into a defensive round-up crouch to handle the most recent developments in the story that will keep us all warm during the holiday slowdown:

In a Very Special Issue of OK! Magazine set to arrive on newsstands tomorrow, sixteen-year-old Zoey 101 star Jamie Lynn Spears, the pride of Nickelodeon's teen talent stable, will reveal that she's continuing the proud family tradition of ill-advised pregnancies established by infant-fumbling, mothering-impaired older sister Britney.

People.com's always-discriminating readers have spoken: Britney Spears, the serially troubled onetime pop-star whose head-shaving, custody-forfeiting, meth-addled-stripper-gone-to-seed-imitating misadventures have kept the shark-infested tabloid waters well-chummed for an entire calendar year, is the proud recipient of the website's coveted 2007 Bestie Award for Most Talked About Star. In what we'll assume was a landslide, Spears topped Angelina Jolie, who, much to her detriment in this particular race, did not lose possession of even one of the estimated fifteen orphans she collected during her Third World travels on behalf of the United Nations.

· For heaven's sake, people: Heed Tippi Hedren's warnings about what happens when you bend over in front of a tiger! It could save your lives!
· First impressions of Britney Spears's new video: She's wearing more clothes, she's standing up without the use of steadying device, and several Britney-like extras are on hand to perform choreographed dance moves. Triumph!
· Madonna, Leonard Cohen, John Mellencamp, The Ventures, and The Dave Clark Five will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, an honor the "Like A Virgin" singer has graciously accepted, so long as they start the ceremony with her, and she isn't expected to stick around for any of the decrepit British Invasion also-rans.
· "Tony Parker says he's not a double dribbler." We think this is about cheating, though he still might want to have a doctor check that out, just for his own peace of mind.
· In case you still haven't seen it, here's the NY Post's tasteful headline commemorating the passing of Ike Turner.

Oft-troubled mother-of-two Britney Spears, photographed yesterday wearing a pink wig on an aborted field trip back to the Hustler store (perhaps to return the fluorescent hairpiece to its rightful mannequin owner), has failed to show up to K-Fed attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan's offices today to deliver a deposition in her ongoing child custody dispute:

To be honest, we have no way to verify whether or not the following Britney Spears body-double casting notice, which landed in our inbox with only a single, introductory sentence reading, "Check this out - this shiz is real..." is, as claimed, real shiz. Still, the risks involved in not passing this incredible employment opportunity along to our readers seemed to outweigh all others:

Truth be told, we're a little unclear on the details of the arrangements the court has established for the care of Sean Preston and Other One Spears-Federline during their parents' ongoing custody dispute; as far as we can tell, they're primarily under K-Fed's care, with Spears' visitation rights now temporarily curtailed to a single, heavily supervised visit a week, in which the children and their favorite toys are placed inside a protective plastic bubble while a court-ordered monitor observes every interaction between troubled mother and offspring through that impermeable membrane. Whatever the specifics, today brings news that Spears' parenting time could soon take another hit pending an investigation into "multiple child abuse and neglect" allegations by the L.A. County Department Of Broken Pop Star/Background Dancer Family Services:

· If anyone knows where we can pimp our gas-guzzling ride with the words "Clean Energy" along the sides in massive blue letters, we're all ears. We hear it's foolproof horny-starlet-bait. [via TMZ]
· Congratulations to Lindsay Lohan, whose first post-rehab gig appears to be selling $5 Polaroids of herself to tourists with the rest of the Chinese Theater Justice League!
· Is it a coincidence that on the day reports emerge that #1 Yahoo search topic Britney Spears failed to show up to her "Piece of Me" video shoot, MTV and Jive Records announce their Make Your Own 'Piece of Me' Video Contest? Wethinks not.
· We defy you to resist these photos of injured hedgehogs with brightly colored scrunchie casts.
· It's the first night of Hanukkah. Has linking to Adam Sandler's "The Hanukkah Song" become a cliché? Yes. Yes it has. Do we care? No. No we don't.

• Jennifer Love Hewitt isn't mad that people made fun of her bikini pix and called her fat for herself alone, but for all women: "I've sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women's bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I'm not upset for me, but for all the girls out there that are struggling with their body image," she has blogged. [NYP]
  

• Britney Spears celebrated her birthday with Paris Hilton, as tradition dictates she must. [Pagesix.com]
  

Hoping that the public will believe that those paternity-claiming text messages InTouch paraded out yesterday are as authentic as the misspelled pleas for sexual companionship you drunkenly send your friends from your gag HornyLohan69 Hotmail account, "a source close" to alleged Britney Spears sperm-donor JR Rotem is claiming the supposed evidence is "faked." [UsMagazine.com]