• Is 30 Rock the new Saturday Night Live? Tina Fey, SNL alum and 30 Rock creator, is talking about bringing onto the show that whore chick Ashley Dupre and also that less-insane-by-the-day singer Britney Spears. Alec Baldwin and Tracy Morgan don't bring enough crazy to the party? Really?

The tabloids are sick of the pantyless-Britney Spears-faux-British-accent-high-on-unknown-substances-bad-mother yarn. Easter just passed and resurrections are hot right now. OK!, People and Us Weekly have all given her cameo on How I Met Your Mother raves. And to be fair, they probably know more about TV than accident-prone New York Times critic Alessandra Stanley, who described Ms. Spears' performance as "a relief." [Jossip]

"The very fact that she could recite her lines was a relief: the most lasting television image of Ms. Spears in recent months showed her tied down to a stretcher. But the most promising comeback platforms for the tarnished or forgotten are network reality competitions like ABC's Dancing With the Stars. That series (and its many imitations) gives full vent to the highs and lows of show business; each dance number is a balletic metaphor for disgrace, punishing exertion and forgiveness." [Times, Video]

Generation Rx sounded pretty cool when the term was first coined, but now that Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Britney and Lindsay have all boarded the Adderall bandwagon, we fear the pill-popping twenty-something crowd has officially snorted the shark. According to reports in both the New York Daily News and on abc.com, crushing the little blue pills and snorting them is the oh-so-coolest way to stay skinny, replacing old time faves caffeine, cigs and (if you're adventurous) cocaine. But just as we started hating on all the celebs using the pill-of-the-week to lose weight, we read a bit more about who else in Hollywood is hooked on the jitterbuggy meds. After the jump, learn which highest of highbrow actresses is also suspected of Adderall addiction:

Last night, Britney Spears returned to her legitimate sitcom stunt-casting roots for the first time since her Will & Grace guest spot of two years ago. This go-around, she was called upon by lesser-threatening CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother to play Abby, a dermatologist's receptionist smitten with the show's main character.

• Oprah Winfrey's best friend Gayle King bought a $7.1 million New York penthouse in the name of the talk show host's dead dog, because apparently there weren't enough lesbian overtones in their relationship. The pad is owned by "Sophie's Penthouse LLC." [Observer]

Ohh gosh. Britney Spears, calamine-stained wig collector and sideways recording artist, has of late been spending some time with David Hasselhoff, well respected star of the television series Baywatch and the film Floor Hamburger for Algernon. The two were introduced to each other by Britney's father Jamie, which makes mother Lynne "incandescent with rage at Jamie's stupidity." After all, Hasselhoff (also a famous baloney salesman in Germany) has had some substance problems of his own and may not be the best pal for old Britney walnuts. Lynne thinks it's all a cheap publicity stunt so Jamie can get some buzz for a new business. But it's possible that Britney is getting something out of these meetings (which involve watching many episodes of Knightrider and practicing "primal scream therapy" in the back yard). A neighbor says of the rendezvous: "Britney turns up looking like she's carrying a big bag of bad on her back and the noise can get a bit much, but she always leaves with a smile on her face." Though, the "big bag of bad" is just the Hoff in a papoose, which they use for their secret morning constitutionals. [Showbiz Spy] After the jump, exclusive video of one of their get-togethers.

Celebrity picture agency X17 has been running in respectable media circles lately. In the past month it has been the subject of a cover story in the Atlantic and a profile in Radar. Its client list now includes names like CNN. But X17's history, which includes allegations of hiring ex gang members and undocumented immigrants, is coming back to haunt the agency. Paparazzo Alison Silva, pictured, said he was badly beaten by three photographers working for X17 while parked a block from singer Britney Spears' house. "You should not be here. Only X17 gets these shots," he was allegedly told prior to sustaining "blunt head trauma" and a broken nose and being rushed to the emergency room. Three witnesses called 911, the LA police investigated and, according to MTV News, the alleged assailants are expected to be taken into custody Monday. X17 responded by not bothering to deny anything:

• OMG Paris Hilton is finally saving African kids with her beautiful love, just like she promised! Oh wait, the kids go to a private school and are wealthy. Paris' way too fashionable clothes don't even look dirty. Nice try, liar. [Faded Youth]

After the chilling lessons of last night's South Park, in which paparazzi and handlers carried on mistreating the surviving bottom-third of Britney Spears's blown off head as if nothing at all was wrong, we thought we'd take this opportunity to instead focus on some of the more exciting and positive things going on in her life. For one, Britney released an album this year! It's called "Blackout," it's available on iTunes, and mark our words when we tell you, this thing is going to pop up on more year-end Top Ten lists than you can shake a stick at. (We wish we were even kidding.) Moving along:

After a touching season premiere in which Cartman learns he's been accidentally infected with HIV, South Park decided to lighten things up in the second episode of their 12th season by having Britney Spears put a shotgun in her mouth and blow off 70% of her head. (Don't worry—she lives!)

Cartoon death trailblazer South Park last night finally ran a Britney Spears episode, featuring her gruesome demise. Not to give it away, but it's not just the shotgun that does it! Oh South Park, you are truly the world leader in animated superstar celebrity tasteless murder techniques. Below, a clip [P6] of headless Britney on the show.

• It's been so long since actress Winona Ryder stole anything that she's not up on the latest anti-theft technology. A drug store employee said she tried to steal makeup, via her purse, and was caught by the stupid door alarm thing and made to give it back. Wait, people actually stop for those alarms? I am always just waved through. But then my photo isn't taped up in every retail establishment in Los Angeles. [Daily Mail]

Back in October, the horny boys over at Maxim decided to morph into bitchy girls and rank their picks for the top five "unsexiest" women in Hollywood. And while some of their choices are semi-understandable (no offense to our troubled Britney Spears, but we would've ranked her higher than #5), their number one pick has responded to the listing in a very teary fashion. Sarah Jessica Parker was voted #1; as the struggling lad mag's editors put it, "How the hell did this Barbaro-faced broad manage to be the least sexy woman in a group of very unsexy women and still star on a show with 'sex' in the title?" But after six months of stewing in her own misery, SJP is fighting back:

• Singer Paul McCartney's ex Heather Mills was awarded $49 million after four years of marriage. The blog Knife Tricks estimates that's $43,000 per screw — way, way more than so-called-high-priced whore Ashley Dupre ever charged. Apparently Mills wanted even more.

From Trout Pout to Tunnock's Teacakes Kneecaps, the British press continues to excel at being nasty in their coverage of celebrity body parts gone wrong. Now that they've gone after some of the more obscure body parts (we're still waiting for their exclusive on Madame Tussaud's Wax-Filled Ear Canals), they're retraining their sights on the cellulite-ridden genre of "Elephant Legs." To be fair, we all know the old (and quasi-verifiable) saying that the camera adds ten pounds. But with masterful close-up shots (what do they do? kneel down and twist the zoom feature so far to the right that it nearly breaks off?) of a certain celebrity's thighs, no adage can be trusted in this case. So which target have they angled in on for having legs they deem elephant-like? Click through for the (shocking!) victim in question:

"Yes, I want to take full responsibility for destroying The Atlantic, 150-year-old pillar of American journalism, and now it's gone, thanks to me," David Samuels, author of "The Britney Show," the Atlantic cover story that has made the magazine temporarily relevant. [On The Media]

• Britney Spears can't have nice things because men will take them from her. Yesterday her dad got permission from a judge to sell off at least some of the singer's cars, and it emerged that former hanger-on Sam Lutfi allegedly intercepted "hundreds of thousands of dollars worth" of jewelry, fur coats and other luxury items intended for Spears.

· If Jonah Hill's movie career doesn't pan out, he can always headline mid-sized Vegas showrooms as Andy Milonakis: Insult Comic. [SNL]
· Mischa Barton's next project, the straight-to-video Closing the Ring, features the actress crying in an attic bedroom, wearing a period hairstyle, and completely naked. If that's something you might be interested in, here's an image gallery. [Egotastic]
· Heather Mills is awarded $48.7 million of Paul McCartney's $800 million fortune. We pray this is the last we'll hear of this, but suspect it is not. [Fox News]
· And finally, ladies, we ask now that you remain composed. Please keep your screaming to a minimum. Oh, fine—we give up! The men of Flight of the Conchords, almost naked in the pages of Maxim! [conchords.net]

Sadly, our cinematic dreams of Britney Spears and Mel Gibson making movie magic together will remain dreams for now. The odd couple's meeting in LA over the weekend was neither a business meeting nor a date, according to a People source: "There are no expectations, there is no agenda. It's simply an act of human kindness - one neighbor reaching out to the other." Maybe it's just us, but we're not exactly sure Britney needs a life counselor who's an alleged neo-Nazi, let alone one who's fond of calling lady cops Sugar Tits. Then again, he does have two years of sobriety under his belt. That and he's surely got it a bit more together than Michael Lohan. We guess you gotta take what you can get in these trouble-laden times. [People]