This just in from a bookworld tipster who, experience suggests, knows of what he speaks:

• After a year of tolerating her presence as their red-carpet representative, E! finally musters the courage to not renew View co-beast Star Jones' contract. We expect Jones to retaliate the only way she knows how: by beating the crap out of her emasculated "husband" Al Reynolds. [Page Six]
• How to make the upcoming season of the Simple Life, in which Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie will attempt to be surrogate mothers in strange families, all the more compelling? By intentionally seeking out husbands who'll try to cheat on their wives with the skanky starlets. [Scoop]
• Rush & Molloy spoil Jodie Foster's Flightplan, but only for the sake of pointing out how stupid flight attendants can be. [R&M]
• More rehab fun: Us Weekly marketing head Gary Armstrong heads off to a nice white room to deal with his drinking problems. [Page Six]
• Just a mere 18 months after ex-Nets player Jayson Williams was acquitted on charges of aggravated manslaughter, he's throwing a book party for his lawyer's new crime novel. [Lowdown]

While we were drunkenly singing Bruce Springsteen in a Chelsea apartment last night, at least someone in the family was doing his job. We speak, of course, of jocky little brother Deadspin, who, along with hordes of other heterosexuals, mobbed the sports bar inexplicably plopped in the middle of our neighborhood to attend the first-ever book signing for ESPN columnist Bill Simmons's first-ever book, Now I Can Die in Peace.

• Confessions of a (granted, emergency-landing-surviving) media whore. [NYO]
• Bossman Denton cruises the Jersey Turnpike on a bathwater-powered scooter, apparently. Also, he has a large head. [NYO]
• Nonfamous writer Matt Haber's past was pillaged by adorable and now-famous writer Benjamin Kunkel, and Haber'll be damned if you don't know about it. [NYO]
• Dan Rather wants to revisit Bush National Guard story; CBS brass won't let him. We await Public Eye's take, presumably that spirited debate is a good thing. [NYP]
• A day in the life of Us editor Janice Min — in which no one cares about Britney's baby. [asap/AP]
• Geraldo won't sue Times, but his feelings are still hurt. [NYP]
• Washington Blade launches a "gay Romenesko" site. We always thought that was us. [E&P]
• Turns out, SCOTUS nominee Roberts might not hate the press as much as the Times thought. Which still doesn't mean he likes it. [NYT]
• Sly gets up off the mat. [WWD]

From last night's Publishers Lunch weekly report:

Hey, SAG-card holding starfuckers, we've got some great news for you! The film adaptation of Lauren Weisberg's inside-Vogue roman clef, The Devil Wears Prada, is casting:

You thought that after last week's feces-soaked edition of the Times Book Review, things couldn't get any worse. It's hard to imagine the Gray Lady as a sexy scatological freak — but, sadly, it seems that She might be exactly that. After the jump, Intern Alexis goes back to Pooville so you don't have to.

• We've spent all weekend ignoring real estate harpy Barbara Corcoran's secret hideaway as featured in the Times, as we didn't want to express our rage at the cost of our "wit." Alas, time hasn't helped our case. So: NICE FUCKING PLACE. Did you sell it to yourself? Did you charge yourself a big sexy broker fee? We bet you did, you dirty little wench. [NYT]
• Is Kate Moss in Scottsdale, AZ right now? Golly, isn't the Meadows rehab right by there? [Oh No They Didn't]
• A reader reports of danger within the kitchen of Da Silvano: A Saturday night serving of lobster led to some nasty food poisoning. Graydon Carter, take note.
• James Frey kills Harry Potter. [Daily Transom]
• Big Pussy walks. No, not yours. Perv. [CityRag]
• Brian Sack sits down with the genius behind the Geico "tiny house" commercial. [Banterist]
• It's the Complete Idiot's Guide to Writing Dummies Books for Dummies. [Baltimore Sun]

• You can't even win in magazine publishing by appealing to the lowest common denominator, as tabloid king David Pecker is learning the hard way. [BusinessWeek]
• You can win, though, by appealing to the just-better-than-lowest denominator, as Jann Wenner — and his Us staff of the cool girls — has learned the fun way. [WP]
• OK! America has the Britney baby pix, allegedly. It's amazing what a little scratch can get you. [Access Hollywood via MSNBC]
• Oprah re-opens book club to works by contemporary authors. Jonathan Franzen is appalled. Then pleased. Then appalled again. [NYT]
• Economist gives free subscriptions to influential bloggers. We didn't get one, so take a guess who doesn't get a comments invitation. [Folio:]
• New weekend WSJ is a "spectacular bellyflop," says William Powers. Come on, tell us what you really think. [National Journal]
• "I'm a chiropodist," The Daily Show's Stephen Colbert tells his kids, according to the Times Mag. [E&P]

Things we don't understand, no. 427:

You know how we said we didn't find much exciting in last night's Publishers Lunch deal report? That's because we forgot to put on our special bookworld decoder glasses before we started reading. A more alert reader points us to an in fact very interesting announcement:

• Everybody who's anybody — and many who are nobody — turned out for a tribute to Peter Jennings at Carnegie Hall yesterday. [WP]
• The New Yorker/NYPD's Ed Conlon signs for first novel, gets $550K advance. Also, AMI shrinks Enquirer to save money. [NYP]
• Katrina shows Big Media are snobs, too. [VV]
• OK! America could pay up $2 million for pix of Britney's baby — unless the dreaded paparazzi get there first. [Radar]
• The Times further stokes Jack Shafer's ire — and this time rips his flesh, too — this time with a bogus trend story. [Slate]
• Elizabeth Spiers, who is friends with Dana Vachon, says the "continued prospects" of Men's Vogue "are positive." Si Newhouse exhales in relief. [MB]

We were sleepily browsing last night's Publishers Lunch deal report early this morning, disappointed to see that nothing in it got us particularly excited. Then we happened across this entry, which at least intrigued us:

It's day two of asap, the AP's new "younger audience service," and we think we now understand it: Younger audiences like brief, totally inconsequential and news-free items on ridiculously overexposed "young" "celebrities."

The First Amendment Project, an organization devoted to — surprise! — protecting the First Amendment, is using eBay for their latest fundraiser. Winners of various auctions will have a character named after them in forthcoming projects from writers such as Stephen King, Amy Tan, Jonathan Lethem, Rick Moody, and Lemony Snicket. Some auctions have already ended, but Staggering Genius Dave Egger's auction is still open for another 5 days. Writes Eggers:

In this week's edition of the Times Book Review, we ask Intern Alexis to go where no intern has gone before: scatology. (Okay, maybe some Gawker interns have gone "there," but we never had to actually ask.) There's only one book reviewer capable of pulling in Alexis with his poopy talk, and that Joe Queenan. After the jump, chocolate sausages and Frank Rich's Zadie Smith fetish.

The Looker notes that both late author Susan Sontag and shock rocker Alice Cooper were/are daily movie-goers. So quit harping on the physical similarities, you pricks.

It's nice to see you can lose two jobs in a week and still earn a living in this town. From last night's Publisher's Lunch deal roundup:

In her weekly review of the Times Sunday Book Review, Intern Alexis goes where no sane person hath ever gone before: Deep into the letter-writing mind of Donald Trump, where writer Joe Queenan dines at an all-you-can-eat blowjob buffet. It's enough to make poor Alexis lose her mind; her one-on-one dialogue with The Donald follows.

So we've been perusing the content over at our media gossip cousin Jossip's house lately, and we couldn't help but notice a fixation with Wenner Media that may, truthfully, put our Conde Nastiness to shame. Not that Wenner's Us Weekly and Rolling Stone aren't worthy of obsession, but, uh, they're not. It's Men's Journal that's the real gem of Jann Wenner's crown. But that isn't what's the problem, anyhow.