Oh, dear god: The Obama White House is liveblogging itself. What's the point of liveblogging this stuff ourselves when we can just read this stuff in our pajamas?

Oh, no! Poor Barack Obama bumped his head while boarding Marine 1 at the White House yesterday. Fortunately, neither the helicopter nor the president sustained any serious damage. [YouTube via Buzzfeed]

Think Barack Obama's Monday-night press conference was about economic policy or endless Mideast war or whatever? Fool. It was the latest round in the White House press corps' endless dick-measuring contest.

For a president elected on a platform of hope, Barack Obama sure knows how to throw around the doom and gloom when he wants to rise above the trifles of the Beltway political game.

Barack Obama is going to cost the TV networks literally millions of dollars, because he has to appear on prime time TV three times this month to sell his stimulus bill that no one likes.

President Barack Obama says he wants to save the economy, but all he does is give speeches and talk to fancy economists. Meanwhile, Michelle Obama is actually saving the economy, by shopping at Pottery Barn!

Barack Obama is in Elkhart, Indiana, one of those towns where there aren't any jobs left, to shame the Senate into passing his damn stimulus bill already.

• Details about the Obama administration's plan to revise the bailout are still sketchy, but more will be revealed by Tim Geithner tomorrow. [WSJ, BN, DB]
• UBS is slashing bonuses by 80 percent, but the bank says it does not have plans to get out of investment banking altogether. [BN]
• Barclays announced that quarterly profits exceeded analysts' estimates. [BN]
• More trouble for Bill Ackman's Pershing Square Capital. [DB, NYP]
• Goldman chief Lloyd Blankfein addresses what went wrong on Wall Street in a op-ed piece for the Financial Times. [FT, FT]
• Sunday's New York Times, meanwhile, provides an account of what went wrong between Merrill's John Thain and BofA's Ken Lewis. [NYT]

[Submit your own Gawker Stalker sightings to stalker@gawker.com] Feb. 7 @ 8:30pm Barbara Bush, Henry & Jenna, table of dudes and six waiters did a shot to Obama at Gradisca. What was the toast?

Within the self-involved newsrooms of America, there is much handwringing over ever-shrinking Washington bureaus. Why? They'd just as soon quit, from what we gather. Today's White House pool report from ace reporter Bill Theobald:

Nothing prior about this restraint: A man escorting Leon Panetta, Barack Obama's nominee for CIA director, grabbed CongressDaily reporter Chris Strohm at a hearing and pulled him away for daring to ask Panetta a question.

Boston police arrested graffiti artist Shepard Fairey on his way into an event at the Institute for Contemporary Art, which is hosting an exhibit of his works, including his iconic Barack Obama "Hope" poster.

Obama not here for french-fry free-rides. [Boston Phoenix via Wonkette]

Steve Rattner is the very prominent financier, the man who manages Michael Bloomberg's money, and a leading candidate to fill the post of "car czar" in the Obama administration. The nomination process, however, has stalled in recent weeks, according to today's Journal, and now there's a possible explanation for the delay: Rattner's wife, Maureen White, was arrested for drunk driving in October. Ironic, yes, and probably most unwelcome news for President Obama considering how many controversies have already been stirred up by his nominations over the past few days. But there's another layer of mystery to the story.

Would you read a comic book about unrepentant would-be terrorist Bill Ayers? Of course! Unless it was a comic book about his life as a teacher and his educational philosophy. That would be boring.

Were you wondering about the response of entitled comfortable menopausal women to the Obama presidency? No, you weren't, because those women are well-represented in our media, and you already knew they wanted to fuck the president.

Barack Obama: 'Sorry-ass motherf—ker ain't got nothing on me'

James seems awfully sore that Beyonce got the Inauguration nod instead of her, and made no bones about that fact at a concert last week in Seattle. "I can't stand Beyoncé," she muttered to the audience. "She has no business standing up there singing that song." James also threatened violence toward the singer and claimed that Obama was "not my president," a Secret Service-tempting taunt that the audience, so ready to hoot at Beyoncé, knew less what to make of. Beware, Miss Knowles: when the full moon wanes, and a suddenly-itchy leather bustier signals your transformation from Sasha Fierce back into the terribly ordinary Beyoncé, Etta James will be ready to pounce!

One way to become the opposite of a respected White House correspondent is to hit up the president for an autograph, then get yanked away by the Secret Service. But uh...a kid made him do it!

Let's be clear: White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel did not rent an illegal basement apartment from Rosa DeLauro, a Congresswoman from Connecticut. That's because he stayed there for free. Actually, that's worse.