Two-time Oscar-winning soul-vendor Hilary Swank has had some time to think about her paid appearance at a lavish, floating birthday party for Chechnya's murderous president, Ramzan Kadyrov. And she now regrets it.

Most of you know that the Chinese sure do talk funny. But just in case you don't, let's let powerful House Appropriations chair Rep. Hal Rogers explain it.

In your gloomy Thursday media column: Eritrea is the pits (of journalism), Erin Burnett is unpopular, the WSJ Europe circulation scandal continues, The Guardian U.S. is optimistic, and Michael Miner is an OG (of journalism).

Okay, sorry, this post probably should have been tagged "NSFW" due to the large image of an old man's melting face. But let's move beyond courtesies: Was Ron Paul's eyebrow collapsing during Tuesday's debate? This image appears to show a fake eyebrow just stone cold fallin' off.

Who would donate to the Barack Obama reelection campaign now, when everyone hates politics and life and he's not even in a difficult primary or anything? Apparently plenty of people would! He raised $42.8 million during the third quarter for his campaign committee, and another $27.3 million for the national party.

Alice Walton, billionaire daughter of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton, was arrested for DWI on the night of her 62nd birthday in Mineral Wells, Texas. Last time she got a DWI, Alice screamed, "I'm Alice Walton, bitch!" No such outbursts this time. That we know of. Yet.

Former hedge fund heavyweight Raj Rajaratnam will do a dime and change in federal prison for his insider trading conviction.

The following email just went out to New York Times newsroom staffers. These are the first buyout offers the paper's put out since the real depths of the recession in 2009. "Voluntary," yes. But not a good sign.

For the past two years, fewer and fewer Americans have been shopping at Wal-Mart. Historians know this as the "National Wising Up" period. Alas, Wal-Mart is now luring us back in. What is wrong with us?

America is angry! The protest that started nearly a month ago in Lower Manhattan has been spreading over the past week, and occupiers armed with Guy Fawkes masks and Sharpies can now be found in most major (and minor) cities across the U.S. and Canada. Here are some photos from the protests over the past few days.

All of you Goldman Sachs employees who are schizophrenic suffering from [personality-affective mental disorder] and therefore thought that you'd go on down to Zucotti Park and protest yourself: your employer would rather that you not. John Carney reports:

Yet another poll confirming Herman Cain's rise to the top of the presidential candidate pyramid has come out today. Public Policy Polling finds him securing 30% of the national primary vote in its monthly poll, a 22 percentage point gain from last month. What is going on here?

Well, so much for that: Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, the Nigerian man who tried to blow up his underpants on a flight to Detroit on Christmas 2009, pleaded guilty to all charges today, just as his trial was getting underway.

The city of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania filed for Chapter 9 bankruptcy today, thanks to "overwhelming debt" related to a revamping of the city's incinerator. Municipal bankruptcies of this size are quite rare! Stupid incinerator.

Now this is just too easy, but here goes: Curry Todd, a state lawmaker in Tennessee who sponsored a 2009 law allowing people to carry handguns in bars and restaurants provided they don't drink, was arrested last night and "charged with DUI and possession of a handgun while under the influence."

Florida's comically unpopular governor, Rick Scott, has decided to pick another new, arbitrary fight: This time with anthropology majors! And psychology majors, and really all liberal arts/social science majors, whom he believes his state university system subsidizes for no good reason. Have any of these invalids ever gotten a job, in Florida? There is no reason to humor them any longer.

If there's one guy in the world who knows something about populist protests, it's Iran's supreme leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei. Today he said the Occupy Wall Street protests will bring American capitalism to its knees.

October 5th marked the 35th birthday of Chechnya's president, Ramzan Kadyrov, who was installed into office at age 30, three years after his father's assassination. Ramzan wanted celebrities at his party, and what Ramzan wants, Ramzan gets. So Hilary Swank, Jean-Claude Van Damme and Seal collected their checks, hopped a flight to Grozny, and got cozy with Ramzy!

Hopefully you've by now found some practical use for Gawker's Handy Guide to New York City's 1%, i.e. our magnate magnet, but in case it's been a late day at the office, fret not: Occupy Wall Street forces successfully mobilized today, targeting the Upper East Side homes of five of the city's top fat cats: News Corp. CEO Rupert Murdoch, conservative billionaire industrialist David Koch, real estate developer Howard Milstein, JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon and hedge fund manager John Paulson. All of them stand to save billions come December, when a state tax on millionaires is set to expire.

Zynga's been the poster child for the current tech bubble. It built an implausible sounding business around FarmVille and other Facebook games, its offices were over the top self parody, and it planned a billion dollar IPO. But everything seems to be falling apart. Go figure.