Donald Trump only picks winners, according to Donald Trump. He is so busy picking winners that he has no time to hang out with losers. So... that's why he's joining destroyed presidential candidate Michele Bachmann for her campaign's "tele-townhall" today? A winning move, by all measures.
In just one month, Occupy Wall Street organizers have raised nearly $300,000 thanks to online and in-person donations. And that's in addition to the hundreds of millions of dollars that have been secretly donated by George Soros and Stalin's ghost.
What is that highly trained squadron of commandos charged with tackling life's thorniest situations and defeating the scariest malefactors in our society, the Los Angeles SWAT team, up to now? Oh just getting robbed for a bunch of machine guns, by malefactors! I guess commando training doesn't include irony appreciation, which is quite an oversight!
That's the UN Population Fund's latest global population projection, which confirms population predictions made earlier this year. As you might have noticed, our species hasn't been making jobs like we've been making babies, which presents some issues. Don't worry, though: catastrophe's not necessarily inevitable. Not even in this global economic climate, with all the unemployment and stock market speculation on food and hunger. Somebody will get to fixing that stuff up ASAP. So just have some more high-fructose candy corn and relax.
Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of our favorite shots from the past week.
After Steve Jobs died, Bernhard Brenner—the founder of the Minneapolis-based clothing company Knitcraft—reportedly told the press that Knitcraft had manufactured the black St. Croix turtleneck sweaters beloved by the fashion iCon. Brenner claimed that Jobs sometimes called him up just to rave about his sweaters. Sales of St. Croix's $175 "Steve Jobs sweater" subsequently skyrocketed. But was it all BS?
The New York Daily News reports that the Occupy Wall Street protesters of New York City—the most hygienically sound municipality in all of North America—need to start using hand sanitizer if they wish to avoid succumbing to infection and disease-death. (The same paper once reported that hand sanitizer is a lie, but don't let that stop you from using it.)
The Occupy Wall Street protests have been going on for a month. And it seems the FBI and NYPD have had help tracking protesters' moves thanks to a conservative computer security expert who gained access to one of the group's internal mailing lists, and then handed over information on the group's plans to authorities and corporations targeted by protesters.
Conservatives really have a hard-on for "infiltrating" Occupy Wall Street in an effort to discredit it. Now a computer expert has leaked thousands of emails from Occupy Wall Street organizers and told us he's identified members of the hacktivist collective Anonymous involved in the protest.
The great news about a Herman Cain presidency is not just that we'd have a president who hates ever thinking about foreign policy. We'd also get his 9-9-9 tax plan, a cartoonishly regressive transfer of the tax burden to the lower and middle classes! Okay, even our Congress isn't dumb enough to pass this. But. This is what Herman Cain's running on, so why not check out some fancy reviews, hmm?
In your finally Friday media column: newspaper circulation wanes, a brilliant plan to avoid reporters, the News Corp board battle continues, Fox News people are bad liars, and Nancy Franklin's replacement.
President Obama is sending a total of 100 troops into central Africa to help a resistance movement fight the Lord's Resistance Army, a rebel group known for committing atrocities across the continent.
There's no easy way to break this to you so we're just going to rip off the ol' band-aid: we have another entire decade to go before American "income"—stuff they pay if you ever get a job—claws its way back to where it was ten years ago. That's a twenty year income pit. Years to dig ourselves into the hole, years wallowing at the bottom, and more painful years to get out. But! Let's look at the bright side.
The congressional supercommittee established in the debt ceiling deal has about a month left to come up with trillions in deficit reduction and then move its plan through Congress, lest the dreaded "trigger" go into effect that would viciously cut defense spending and more. So what if the supercommittee gets stuck on, say, tax increases that Republicans will never accept? Will they just give up and let the trigger go into effect? Nope! Old man John McCain let us onto the real Plan B yesterday.
Public relations is about "relationships." Flacks develop "relationships" with reporters by calling them and yelling at them until the reporters start to realize, before they write something, that an unpleasant conversation might ensue. So they start to be...more careful. We recently came across an internal email written by Daniel Senor, the former spokesman for the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq, that summed up the dynamic in crystalline fashion.
Oh, maybe: "What we are really seeing as a company as we look 10, 20, 30 years down the road—if conditions continue as they are—is a potentially significant risk to our supply chain, which is the Arabica coffee bean," says Jim Hanna, the sustainability director at Starbucks (a bottom line-focused coffee chain whose name you might recognize).
