Since being released after just one day from her 5150 Hold (a state-mandated suicide watch, and now also the latest secret menu ordering style at In-N-Out), People is reporting that the troubled™ singer was not in fact "under the influence" of a controlled substance, as believed by authorities, and wildly speculated about by us. Quoting a number of "reliable sources," it turns out the only thing Spears was mainlining was a candle-heated spoonful of black tar crazy: