Speaking of sluts, did you read that Stephanie Rosenbloom piece? Holy cats, there's a lot to grab on to there. While our favorite lines ("Like 'queer' and 'pimp' before it, the word slut seems to be moving away from its meaning as a slur. Or is it?" I don't know, Steph! Why don't you give me a couple hundred more words about it!) and phrases ("But as Carrie Bradshaw might type on her laptop: Is there such a thing as going too far any more?" A lazy Sex and the City reference? In a lazy column about sluts in the laziest section of the paper? Is this the point where "meta" collapses in upon itself?) make this one of the top Thursgay articles ever, we'd have to say that the best part comes at the end of the piece, where we learn that

• Another Apple Store in Manhattan? Are you fucking kidding us? [Curbed]
• The Constitution does not allow Times photographers to take pictures of bridges. It's, like, written in a secret amendment or something. [The Daily Politics]
• WWD, left high and dry by the departure of media reporter Jeff Bercovici and the impending escape of Sara James, hires Irin Carmon, who graduated from Harvard two days ago and has since been freelancing all over the damn place. [The Media Mob]
• On behalf of America, Adam Carolla hangs up on Ann Coulter. [Chortler]
• A Spin without Andy Pemberton means a Spin without a sex columnist. Say goodbye to Joanna Angel. [FishbowlNY]
• The Conde Nast cafeteria comes to the newly absorbed Fairchild, bringing with it a spaceship atmosphere and Balthazar croissants. [NYO]
• Come this fall, figure skater Johnny Weir shake his thing on the Bryant Park runway for Heatherette. You go, girl. [NewNowNext]

And there she is, in all her lumbering glory: the beta page from My Times, the Times' new service that will allow members to customize their NYTimes.com homepage. As of right now, you can only add feeds from various pre-selected sources (the AP, Salon, Instapundit, MSNBC, Arts and Letters), making this really no more than a limited RSS reader. But it's Bill Keller's RSS reader, and that makes it "special." Or so we're told. But the Times logo slapped up top isn't going to make you look any less douchey while you scan Pitchfork headlines.

• Everyone's favorite gay escort-cum-White House reporter Jeff Gannon/James Guckert will be speaking this Thursday at the 3 West Club for the Log Cabin Republicans' monthly meeting. Hopefully, it'll be just like a Learning Annex session: how to transform your internet hobby into a viable prostitution endeavor. [Productshop NYC]
• Misguided farter Larry King tries to set up Kathy Griffin and Anderson Cooper. [Malcontent]
• MyTimes, the Times do-it-yourself homepage service, launches in Beta tonight for some 5,000 users. Some homeless person gave us his login info, and OMG IT IS SO TOTALLY NOT EXCITING. More on that tomorrow. [E&P]
• Shamu is more popular than Star Jones — while they may be of equal stature, one knows how to keep its mouth shut. [Eat the Press]
• New regime at Vibe results in twenty fired staffers. Bodies strewn across a dead-end street... [AdAge]
• Journalist Neil Strauss continues to pimp his pimping skills, drifts further from anything ever resembling a writing career. [iFilm]
• Suri Cruise looks increasingly fake; c'mon, you care! [TMZ]
• French soccer football captain Zinedine Zidane ended his career by headbutting an Italian player's chest during Sunday's World Cup final, and he might have the right idea: Rick Santorum certainly deserves a headbutt or seven. [HuffPo]
• Self-promoting memoirist Toby Young knows you're going to say his second book sucks. [Mediabistro]
• Precocious fabulist Kaavya Viswanathan's archived blog. [Kahini12]
• Anti-abortion blogger gets worked up over "Caroline Webber," a columnist who writes positively about her abortion and is thus branded a murderer. Nevermind the fact that the offensive, murderous column ran in The Onion. While we feign tolerance and respect of all points of view, those pro-life people sure are fucking stupid. [March Together for Life]

In this week's journey into the intellectual bitchery that is known as the New York Times Book Review takes Intern Alexis into not one, but two different lesbian book reviews — and, in the absence of any real book news, this counts as a trend. Meanwhile, Dave Itzkoff continues to reach new levels of geekiness while writer Cynthia Ozrick gets a little dorky herself by responding to an unfavorable review with a freaking poem (the closest the Gray Lady will ever get to a "your momma" snap). After the jump, Alexis takes your hand and walks you through the pseudo-fray.

The New York Young Republican Club — a lonely organization that unironically bills itself as the "Oldest Young Republican Club in the Country" — yesterday protested with other like-minded groups in front of the New York Times regarding that paper's coverage of what some might call "news." Lots of hot accusatory placard action, plus a lady with a bullhorn screaming, "Everybody just shut up!". Pro-NYT forces were also in evidence. No police presence interrupted the festivities, but the proceedings were eventually dispersed by withering gale-force contempt issuing from 43rd Street.

From the "almost too easy" category comes this quote in the kicker of a Times piece on presence of E. coli bacteria in Fire Island's water mains:

• Not only are contributors to The Times'Great Big Book Of Everything not getting paid, they're not even getting a copy of the book. It's class all the way over at 43rd Street. [WWD]
• Speaking of The Times, Republican lawmakers are taking a page out of Bob Dole's book. Presumably not the one where he pops a Viagra and bangs Liddy a new hole, but we wouldn't put anything past those guys. [NYS]
• The Boston Globe (owned by The New York Times, how do you like that for thematic consistency?) has informed its gay employees that they need to get married or they'll lose their domestic partner benefits. On the plus side, everyone who does tie the knot will get a copy of the new Times book as a wedding present. [Boston Herald]

Bumperactive has created an innovative way to digest the nucleus of an entire New York Times news day in mere moments. Their Final Word NYT mashup eats the daily newsfeed, then excretes the headlines and last paragraph of top stories. No need to spend time on the tiresome ledes or middle sections — get right to the summation, be it thought-provoking sendoff quote or cymbal-crashing finale.

It's hard to single out the most objectionable part of this weekend's Modern Love column ("Little Girl Likes Computers") but were we pressed we'd have to choose the following paragraphs, which contain the lamest namedrops in recorded history:

It may come as news to those of you who are busy lining up your date rape drugs for tonight's festivities at Canoe Place Inn, but The New York Times has discovered that not everyone is willing to drop ten grand for the privilege of passing out on a piss-covered couch at the end of Long Island. Intrepid reporter Anna Bahney describes a hardy cohort of young New Yorkers who, either because of poverty or general good taste, are shunning the fabled summer share to spend more time here in town, or even, God forbid, on a fake beach in Queens. Bahney digs deeper, though, doing extensive research that, while it may undercut her thesis, is too good not to print: "Still... the summer share isn't exactly dead. A search on the user-posted photo Web site flickr.com revealed groups of 20-somethings lifting cocktails this summer at clubs in the Hamptons." So basically, nobody goes to The Hamptons anymore. Except for the people who do. Maybe we should move to Nebraska after all.

• Is it sexist to call Nikki Finke crazy? Either way, we're about five minutes from a batshit rant in our inbox. [Cathy's World]
• All of alleged plagiarist Ann Coulter's alleged plagiarisms in one convenient spot. Ann Coulter is 45. [TPM Muckraker]
• New York Times writers: always wanting more. [E&P]
• Jon Friedman thinks bloggers are loudmouths who resort to name-calling just to be heard. Douchebag. [Marketwatch]

Oh, those gays. Even when they protest they can't help but tidy up.

At left, the Gray Lady dresses herself like a snazzy Corcoran Group catalogue. At right, she wears her gearhead MySpace costume. It's kind of humanizing: 155 years, and she's still just as indecisive about her looks as a 14-year-old girl.

In her I Get Paid to Spend Money column today, Times painted lady Alex Kuczynski skips over to Henri Bendel, the Fifth Avenue temple that serves as a "limitless warehouse of luxury and desire." But this column is not about the onyx flash of Kuczynski's AmEx, nor is it really about her dissatisfaction with the store's lack of a "coherent identity." Instead, Alex wants to share her sadness, the incomparable misery of self-realization:

This week's edition of the Times book review is a little cranky — Intern Alexis finds snark everywhere, from Walter Kirn to Norah Vincent to Ana Marie Cox (no surprise there). Apparently, that's how one should celebrate our nation's indepedence: sipping haterade. Or, if you're Dorin Oltarsh Schumacher, you celebrate by writing the Review a long-ass letter about how you had to put a child up for adoption 50 years ago. Then you stick a sparkler up your ass.

In a column today which is completely not a puff for John Battelle even though the success or failure of his new web company will determine how much longer Pinch can keep his cousin from the corner office, The Times' David Leonhardt looks at Battelle's concept of "the database of intentions":

The Moustache of Understanding today twitches in the direction of the Peruvian rain forest, bringing forth this gem:

Like consuming the flesh of ruminants in convenient tube-steak form but worry that the anuses and hooves you're eating might not be first quality? Well, if you went to a barbecue this weekend run by the kind of twat for whom grass-fed is a mantra and organic is a way of life, you may very well have been consuming "the politically correct frankfurter," a trend to whichThe Times devotes vast Dining In acreage this morning. Hot dog sales, as it turns out, have been in decline, what with consumer concern over the safety of the udders and nitrites they are essentially composed of (hot dogs, we mean, although if you take a look inside the average American consumer we doubt there's a whole lot of difference). Pasture-fed animals who live lives of gentle ease before having their lips and udders ground up and stuffed into natural casing are the wave of the future: Now you can have your hot dog, eat it too, and still be the kind of sanctimonious prick who complains about cruelty to lobsters while you stuff your Whole Foods canvas bag full of organic radicchio that was picked by some kid making five cents an hour.

Unless you've been living under a rock (or, coincidentally, ad-blocking some of the sponsor-driven ephemera on our screen), you're aware that The Devil Wears Prada opens today. If you've been reading the Times, however, you must be FUCKING PUMPED, because really, it's all the Gray Lady can do to not put its coverage of the film on A1. The book/movie has received 16 mentions in the past 30 days, with the recent panty-bunching at a fever pitch this week: four heavily focused articles since Sunday.