This is the year of new ideas for saving newspapers! Unfortunately, the main solutions seem to be plagued the one thing that led most people into journalism in the first place: lack of math skills.

In the March Harper's there's an article about last fall's Frankfurt Book Fair, where the publishing industry gathered to bemoan its recession-era fate. Will a world with poorer authors really make publishing more pure?

"Reinhardt," the internet conspiracy theorist who correctly predicted the crash of 2008, warned us that it was "100% sure thing market begins huge downfall" on February 9, 2009. That's today! How'd that one hold up?

When you think of "Hot Celebrities Who Provoke Bidding Wars Among Publishers," the first name that springs to mind is "Diane Keaton." Her barely-sketched book idea is sure to recoup all those millions:

Most popular story on Marketwatch right now: Why it's a bad idea to buy a home. #2 story: Why it's a good idea to buy a home. Written by: the same reporter. Americans: suckers.

Six hundred thousand people lost their jobs last month. Our economy faces this pressing question: "I wonder if rich people could live on only $500,000 a year?"

Every celebrity believes that if they unleash their genius unto the world in the form of a fashion line or fragrance, their many fans will make it a natural hit. They're so wrong.

What do you get when you mix the star power of musical train wreck Axl Rose with the finance-as-a-second-career media appeal of former ballplayer Lenny Dykstra? A Guns N' Roses financial columnist!

The age of extravagance is over. The lush life—even if you can afford it—is no longer practical without being burned alive by public opinion. Six new rules for the rich to live by:

American companies spare no expense making their employees pay for the recession! Today's cuts: lunchtime, rubber bands, your, uh, job, and a full memo from Reed Business about everyone getting closer, and closer:

Conde Nast, magazine publisher of the gods, is in trouble. Many of its most famous magazines are losing critical amounts of advertising. How bad are things? So bad that Conde is actually making some changes!

Your stupid corporate cost-cutting stories (and photo, above) are getting worse better and better! Today's cuts: plants, scanners, entire offices, and all appreciation of employees, period:

Yesterday we asked you to tell us the asinine things that companies are doing in the name of cost-cutting. Today, the first worthy entrants: every expense is non-essential, you know:

Last month we predicted ten companies and industries that would actually come out as recession winners (crazy, right?). It's time to check on how our predictions are doing! (Hint: f'in awesome):

The New York Times Co. released its fourth quarter financial results this morning. They are bad, bad, bad, and apparently without any upside on any front anywhere. Observe:

The rich financiers who brought the world economy to its knees: they're acting up! Lehman's failed chief is pulling shady real estate deals. Citigroup is wantonly buying expensive things. Let's jeer them, collectively!

Did Bernie Madoff fuck around and rip off often-shot rapper 50 Cent for millions? Yes, if you believe an anonymous snitch who talked to a website that 50 Cent hates!

Last Friday the New York Times sent out a memo telling staffers it's cracking down on expenses across the board. Sunday it published Maureen Dowd's (expensed) account of three days at Canyon Ranch resort. Huh:

Bernie Madoff's financial scam gets more impressive by the day. How long do you think he was defrauding people? Five years? Fifteen years? How about, oh, 40 years or so:

The world financiapocalypse has unsurprisingly screwed the world's fine art market. Christie's just announced layoffs. Art's next (last) hope: February's auction of Yves Saint Laurent's incre-deeb collection. It all comes down to this: