Dear wives of New York: All the gays are so totally doing it with your husbands. New York magazine's David Amsden has the proof, having himself trolled Craigslist and Manhunt: "On any given day searching these sites, I found about 1,000 married, closeted New Yorkers online—certainly a fraction of the true population since most men in the closet don't identify themselves as such, even online." And that doesn't even count the guys from Jersey! That's real hard science you can believe in. (Our science says: there's 29 Craigslist M4M ads so far today that contain the word "married" and most of those are in search of married guys. But whatever.) Anyway, Amsden's profile of an anonymous married dude is actually a story about someone who's really depressed. ("I'm rarely happy, to be honest," says the guy. Bleak!) 75 mgs of Effexor a day, and he'll ditch his wife next week and realize that he's spent the last two decades being an idiot. Also? Apparently he slept with a now-famously-dead Park Avenue diet guru and even if it's not old Dr. Atkins that's still just wrong.

There's been a ton of buzz—much of it envy-laden—about Laurel Touby in media circles since the $23-million sale of MediaBistro to Jupitermedia was announced last week. Writing in New York, Simon Dumenco thinks the jealousy is misplaced: Touby is actually some kind of mercantile Mensan.

Today the Observer takes the most critical stance out there, from what we can tell, regarding the decision to keep Wall Street Journal editor-at-large Paul Steiger in charge of the paper's coverage of Rupert Murdoch's attempt to buy their parent company, Dow Jones. It's not crazy criticism though: Steiger could stand to make as much as $5 million if the deal goes through. And he might get a seat on the News Corp. board! As one Journal employee put it: "He shouldn't have been directing coverage since the get go... He's got to recuse himself. There are 15 other people who could do the job."

It's a big story: In hearings down in D.C., a paper trail proves that FEMA's lawyers actively discouraged an investigation into high amounts of formaldehyde in the trailers provided to Katrina and Rita hurricane victims. Yoinks! But the headlines in the papers today—each composed by a different harried copy desker or late-working editor—all tell a different story. Here's 10 of them, ranked from good to decent and ending in at least two that are utterly laughable—maybe even despicable!

How crazy is it that Lloyd Grove, our favorite former gossip columnist at the New York Daily News, is on assignment for New York magazine to write about nutty New York Post editor Col Allan? So crazy! We hear the piece is at least a few weeks away, though he's been working on it for a while. One might assume the rationale for assigning the piece, despite any actual or theoretical conflict of interest, is that Lloyd would bring some sort of inside knowledge to the story. But if that were true, wouldn't he still have his job at the Daily News? Hi-o! Oh, just asking, Lloyd!

Why is the New York Times tripping over itself to laud IBM for its "nimbleness"? Clearly visible in the accompanying chart but not mentioned in the article, IBM's total revenue and service-sector growth have been stagnant over the same period. Moreover, the transition to services has been underway for a decade, if not longer. Surely IBM's still-substantial print advertising budget and propensity for taking out full-page newspaper ads has nothing to do with the article's velvet-glove treatment of Big Blue. But how else to explain the article's un-Timesian enthusiasm over such modest change?

The revolving door at Wenner Media spins again, as Rolling Stone publisher Tim Castelli moves to Google. Associate publisher Ray Chelstowski is expected to be promoted today. [NYP]

Legal experts are suggesting that Conrad Black might spend the rest of his life in prison after being convicted on four charges of fraud and obstruction. Why? "Acquitted conduct sentencing enhancement," the result of a 1997 ruling by the Supreme Court that allows prosecutors to "show on a 'preponderance of the evidence' that Lord Black engaged in illegal conduct that it could not prove beyond a reasonable doubt. The preponderance of the evidence... test is the much lower standard of proof used in civil trials and means that something is more likely true than not." We're not at all fans of Black, but we've got to side with Justice John Paul Stevens, who wrote in his dissent from the ruling, "The notion that a charge that cannot be sustained by proof beyond a reasonable doubt may give rise to the same punishment as if it had been so proved is repugnant."

It may be the third-to-last time you see Rupert Murdoch's smiling mug in hedcut in the Wall Street Journal. Next time should be when the Dow Jones full board approves the deal on Tuesday night, and the final time will be when the Bancroft family "reluctantly" agrees to the Murdoch proposal and crowns him the Divine Errorless Lord God King of Medialand. Neat. Shouldn't there be some horsemen or something?

If you're of the opinion that wealthy people are innately fascinating because of their wealth, Nick Paumgarten's 13-page New Yorker profile of Daily News proprietor and real estate magnate Mort Zuckerman is a helpful corrective. That thing is a Lunesta in tiny type. We're not even inclined to blame Paumgarten on this one: Zuckerman may be the most boring billionaire in the world, which is particularly surprising considering he's essentially self-made, and his Canadian Jew background alone should at least provide some spark of interest. But guess what? He's full of himself, he brags about his influence in the political sphere, he talks a lot, he used to bang Gloria Steinem, and, uh, that's it. It's telling that Zuckerman only seems interesting in the pages of the New York Post, which has a vested interest in making its rival look bad. In fact, the only amusing anecdote to come out of the story sounds like something you'd read in the Post.

The new 'Times' building, while rather impressive-looking and generally happy-making, has nonetheless been experiencing some growing pains—faulty elevators, mice, maggots, and complainers. But how's the most vital component of the new HQ working? We've seen the floorplan, but now we've got a full report from someone who visited the other day. Pros: it's fancy, huge, and has lots of cheese. No one is going hungry! Cons: it's red, and they offer a special sushi roll called the "News Room." Oh, and some of the cafeteria staff hates it. Not that that's of any concern to the paper!

Conrad Black reactions and suppositions: The convicted fraudster is "likely to remain free after this week's bail hearing because he's a first-time offender who's repeatedly vowed to fight the charges against him." In an e-mail to the Toronto Globe & Mail, a defiant Black predicts that he will be cleared of the four charges on which he was found guilty: "'We move on to the next phase in this long war. We got rid of most of [the charges], and expect to get rid of the rest on appeal."

Departing British P.M. calls the press a "feral beast tearing people and reputations to bits," notes that "[s]candal or controversy beats ordinary reporting hands down. News is rarely news unless it generates heat as much as or more than light." An analysis and business model both! We never said the guy lacked talent. [Guardian]

The few good options left are Gannett and the New York Times Company, neither of which is a likely target. [NYT]

· The Weinstein Co. (with help from their besties at Lionsgate) will release Michael Moore's documentary Sicko on July 29th, which should do for America's health care system what Bowling for Columbine did for a senile-seeming, rifle-loving Charlton Heston. [Variety]
· Hollywood Out Of Ideas, Even In The Prehistoric Past And Distant Future Edition: Robert Rodriguez is in talks to direct a live-action feature adaptation of The Jetsons, and has also met with Universal about Will Ferrell's adaptation of Land of the Lost. [THR]
· Universal lands its second Serious Actor for its The Incredible Hulk project, as Tim Roth is in negotiations to play Hulk antagonist Abomination and spend long hours discussing how best to portray the emotional torment of gamma-wave-poisoning sufferers in the context of a superhero film. [Variety]
· FX may pay up to $40 million for the TV rights to Spider-Man 3 for five years, but only once it completes it pay-cable run on Starz. [THR]
· Var TV critic and Entourage nemesis Brian Lowry is amused that his HBO stand-in, who'll be harassed by an aggrieved Johnny Drama in an upcomnig episode shot in the paper's offices, has an assistant. [Variety]

Today Radar launches a much-deserved attack on New York magazine. John Cook writes: "New York is to journalism what The Eagles were to rock: a technically flawless assemblage of expertly crafted elements that look, on paper (as it were), as though they ought to translate into a superb magazine, and yet somehow still manage to suck." The whole thing is so worth your time (bonus points for "Reading it is like eating a bowl of ice shavings prepared by Jean-George Vongerichten") and it also put us in mind of an email conversation we had some weeks ago with New York's icy publicist, Serena Torrey.

• Conrad Black's second-in-command turned star government witness serves up Lord Black on a platter. [WSJ]
  

• Supreme Judicial Court in Mass. upholds $2 mil guilty verdict against Boston Herald and its reporter David Wedge in lawsuit brought by judge. [NYT]
  

• Oprah Winfrey endorses Barack Obama. Hell, if she can move copies of The Road she can probably sell anything. [NYT]
  

• Thomson Corp. has made an overture to take over Reuters. Will they? Is good for stock price so far! [Globe & Mail]