Why did Jay-Z and Beyoncé name their kid "Blue Ivy"? What was the deal with Madonna's Super Bowl halftime show? Why did Whitney Houston die? Some people might say that "famous people are weird and sad" is the answer to all three questions. But no, the answer is: The Illuminati. Who? Allow us to explain.

Hooray! Today you can finally buy Dan Brown's The Lost Symbol, a new interactive novel about a heroic professor with a mullet who fights Catholics and Masons. It will save publishing, and ruin Washington DC.