The organizing principle of the Olympic medals functions as a universal language. Gold means first place, silver means second place, bronze means third place. The games have changed over the years, but this concept has remained a constant.
Is Senator Marco Rubio running for president? Is that a stupid question? After all, there he was on stage last week in Las Vegas, speaking more than any candidate besides Cruz (he beat Trump!). He was, according to FiveThirtyEight, the most-attacked Republican candidate, too, which usually indicates frontrunner status. Except Marco Rubio isn’t a frontrunner in any poll, in any primary state; his popularity remains primarily theoretical. Is he actually doing anything to change that?
Some competitors thrive on being the underdog. Some find humor and vigor in humiliating setbacks. And some are just glass-jawed failure artists, their piled losses more befitting than any theoretical small victory. Rick Santorum is the latter, having reached mediocrity’s apogee while eating lunch alone on Monday.
Herbivores—animals too weak to even kill and eat another, weaker animal—may be in for an “enormous” die-off soon. I suppose this is our fault, also?
Oscars host Seth MacFarlane closed out the show alongside proud pipsqueak Kristin Chenoweth with an original musical number dedicated to the night's losers. Since it was dreadful (and murmured as if MacFarlane and Chenoweth knew to be embarrassed), we can do better. Here's a proper ode to the losers: the exact moment that the nominees lost (and one won) looped for eternity. (This an update to this post of the losers throughout the years that I put together last year.) This is the reason that the animated gif was invented.
Did you know President Obama was going to win last night? If you read Nate Silver, the New York Times political blogger and statistical geek, you did. If you don't read Silver, though, you're probably wondering who the hell he is and why everyone is talking about him. Don't worry. We're here to help.
Avid Tamagatchi and fine-toothed comb collector Donald Trump knows a thing or two about the word "loser." Namely, Donald Trump knows when it can best be used to describe a person, place, business, television show, or thing.
After last month's wild stock market fluctuations, Americans are all hoping that the various investment indexes calm down and return to a modest, steady climb. Right? Hahaha, no. Americans are all hoping to scrounge a nickel's worth of aluminum cans.
When the subway pulls into your station, you never know what you're going to find. You might end up sitting next to a passed out junkie in a wheelchair, you might get stuck on the dreaded "stinky car," or, worst of all, there might be a bunch of tacky assholes who took over the train with their party.
In my day, college grades were evenly distributed on a "curve," which was determined by...well who knows, we were all so blunted back then. The point is, you can now safely accuse kids these days of getting everything for free.
