· Earlier today, guest Oprah genitorturer Dr. Oz demonstrated the proper technique for ball-busting. There's a good chance you're not going to watch this one if you've eaten recently.
· Paula Abdul says she's ready for a baby, even if that means adopting. Unfortunately, the interview was conducted before Britney Spears' children hit the market, so no one got to ask if she'd be willing to provide a good home for a pair of Malibu refugees.
· Stallone intimates that the real-life atrocities he witnessed in Myanmar are even more disturbing than the ones you'll soon be able to see in John Rambo.
· Right about now you probably need some unicorns to make the icky feelings from the preceding links go away.

If you naively believed that Sylvester Stallone's involvement in Rocky Balboa represented the absolute rock-bottom in career-reviving desperation, we humbly submit this preview footage from John Rambo (released to Ain't It Cool on Saturday), the actor's latest attempt to make ageist Hollywood take notice of the perfectly competent, fading action star it so callously discarded at the beginning of the decade. Be forewarned: the footage is bloody, so depending on your workplace's policy on viewing graphic violence perpetrated by a Vietnam veteran driven insane from botched cosmetic surgery that's rendered him nearly unrecognizable from his younger, PTSD-powered-vigilante self, you may need to watch it on your lunch break.