With the shocking—just shocking!—news arriving late yesterday afternoon that knocked-up sixteen-year-old Zoey 101 star Jamie Lynn Spears, little sister of overmatched young mom Britney and the Spears clan's last hope to raise an earner who could stay out of trouble until her early twenties, might not have been properly educated about the contraceptive options available to teenage actresses who don't want their burgeoning careers stalled by unplanned motherhood, we've all had a sleepless night to adjust to the realities of this new, post-impregnation world. We now retreat into a defensive round-up crouch to handle the most recent developments in the story that will keep us all warm during the holiday slowdown: