The news of Patrick Swayze's cancer woes have drawn support from virtually every corner of the Web. Few have organized the type of outreach conjured by the family of Connie Loughman, however, whose press release hit Defamer HQ this morning with the curious subject line: "CURE POSSIBLE FOR PATRICK SWAYZE & INDIANA FAN SUFFERING FROM PANCREATIC CANCER":
"Taking care of twins is tiresome. Jennifer Lopez is reportedly reviving her beauty with fish eggs." "Oprah Winfrey and Barbara Walters are reversing the effects of aging with the help of baby boys - and their foreskin." "The uterine lining that's normally discarded postdelivery is in demand by Eva Longoria Parker." [NYDN]
First, the media implants an unattainable idea in our heads about what a human body should look like. Then, on top of that, popular publications give confusing advice about how to achieve that impossibly cut look! In the last couple of days, the lying liberal media has published several articles on various fitness techniques. You don't need to read any of them, because we're about to round them all up and drop some serious knowledge on you about the phony, media-driven fitness fantasy. After the jump, how to save money and kick ass in this shallow, workout-obsessed world.
Anderson Cooper is still the prettiest anchor on CNN after minor surgery to remove a spot of skin cancer. Anderson worried everyone a little yesterday morning when he said viewers might see his scar and "think I got into a fist fight with Charlie Rose." But really, the scar looks more like Cooper nicked himself shaving, at least judging by his appearance on CNN tonight. Hopefully all traces of cancer have disappeared as surely as this blemish will. High definition still shot, taken within the hour, after the jump.
Sometimes subtle innuendo is called for in advertising; and if they can't master the "subtle" part, it just gets too weird to watch. Like this (Spanish, subtitled) ad for milk. There's a witch, see, that comes to town once a month, if you get our drift. The witch is like, a woman acting pissy once a month, see what we're saying? Okay. But then she drinks milk and her witchery is cured, because milk cures PMS. Could have used quite a bit more subtlety. Also, milk cures PMS, really? Click the clip to watch the crazy calcium claims. [via AdScam]
CNN Anchor and America's Boyfriend Anderson Cooper wrote on his show's blog today that he's been absent for a couple days because he was undergoing "minor surgery" to remove "a small spot of skin cancer" from under his left eye. He'll be back on the air tonight, and he is informing the public of the surgery only so that we don't suspect the stitches are the result of "a fist fight with Charlie Rose." Oh, Anderson. We wouldn't assume that. We'd dream it. [AC360 via HuffPo]
Did you know that people who write about food for a living tend to be fatties? It's true! Except for the Times' dreamy James Bond of gastronomy, Frank Bruni. The point is that some food critics have realized that scarfing down daily heapings of pork bellies and passing it off as a professional expense is no guarantee they won't keel over from a heart attack, and is a guarantee they will have a hard time seeing their own genitals. Even pork-loving wild man Mario Batali is threatening to start exercising! By chasing a greased sow in his Crocs, perhaps. But even while some of the wiser gluttons are easing back, says the Times, their stupider brethren—embodied by one man—just can't stop with the sausage:
The newest entrant in the New York Times' strangely pedestrian fitness beat is today's piece asking, "To Stretch or Not to Stretch?" Short answer: If you're a gymnast or swimmer, yes; if you're a distance runner, no; for other activities, it's still an open question. So if you eliminate backflips and butterfly strokes from your workout routine, you can probably get away with no stretching at all, until a scientist tells you better. We just saved you so much time. How about the Times doing us all a favor by dispensing with this nonsense and replacing its entire Fitness & Nutrition section with nothing but empty white space and one single Amazon link to THIS:
WARNING: An unauthorized butt enhancer may be on the loose in Manhattan. The Post breaks an EXCLUSIVE story this morning about Kimberly Smedley, a wanton, unauthorized woman with no medical training who offers black market silicone injections out of an East 39th St. hotel. For $1,600, Smedley promises women "J.Lo butts." But if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.
Chelsea showed the largest increase in syphilis last year of any neighborhood in the city, followed by Greenwich Village, Union Square, and Washington Heights. Overall syphilis rates in the city were up 60% last year, after declining the year before. Close to 100% of infections were in men, and 86% of those were in men who have sex with men. Make note. [Chelsea Now]
A breakthrough study from the Society of Medical Researchers Who Didn't Think Up a Study Topic Until the Very Last Minute has found that limiting the amount of time your fattie kids sit on their ass watching TV or playing on the internet could help them lose weight! Kids tended to eat less junk food when they were forced to get off their ass and do something else, the study determined [WSJ]. One doctor is recommending parents get some kind of electronic device that limits brain-numbing time per week for children. We wholeheartedly support this effort to whip these no-account kids today into shape. Junk food and TV are not the way to go. There is only one safe and effective way to gain weight:
Thanks, health and public policy journalist Maia Szalavitz, for finally writing some Heath Ledger News We Can Use. Her service-y piece for HuffPo is called "What We Can Learn from Heath Ledger's Death: Don't Mix Downs!!!" In a perfect world, it would run in the crappy health section of every major Sunday paper, instead of "TEARFUL CHILD THANKS DEAD ORGAN DONOR" or whatever. Here's how to avoid dying like Heath Ledger:
In today's Times man o' science Richard A. Friedman, 51, explodes the myth of the mid-life crisis. Turns out all men are pigs! Just kidding. Kind of. (Some men are rats, too.) But, notes Friedman, "[y]ou have to admit that 'I'm having a midlife crisis' sounds a lot better than 'I'm a narcissistic jerk having a meltdown." It's true. It does. He goes on to cite a study that most middle-aged men are happy. So who's to blame for the enduring myth of the Midlife Crisis? Kids, of course!
No laughing matter: GigaOm blogger Om Malik reports that he had a heart attack last week at the age of 41. At Business 2.0, where we both worked before going blog, Malik and I teased each other constantly about our weight. At one point, he and I lined up with two other rotund members of the staff for a photo. The four of us totaled nearly half a ton. The photo was meant to kick off a weight-loss contest that never really happened. The origins of the name GigaOm, in fact, were not in broadband, but in a broad waist. As Malik has told many friends, his mom gave him the nickname when he returned to India enlarged by his sojourns in the West. I say this not to make light of the situation, but to hammer home a point as serious as an infarction: Maintaining your wetware requires a large portion of your bandwidth. Best wishes for a fast recovery, Om. (Photo by zippy)
Breaking news! People who drink Red Bull and vodka are rapists and friends of drunk drivers! It's been proven by science. Researchers at Wake Forest surveyed 4,300 students on their drinking habits, and of the 2,900 who didn't lie about their sobriety, 700 admitted to using energy drinks as mixers. Which led to even more bad decisions!
We want to congratulate the headline writer on this BBC article about a recent study showing that circumcision reduces the rate of HIV infection in heterosexual males by 50%: it must have been the highlight of this editor's month to go with "Male circumcision 'cuts' HIV risk." As for the report, experts sound a note of caution:
The NYC health department released neighborhood-level statistical reports yesterday, and Greenwich-Soho-Tribeca took the prize for highest rate (23%) of binge drinking (defined as five or more drinks in one sitting, or what we like to call "lunch"). The New York Post immediately dispatched a correspondent to the Hog Pit in the Meatpacking District (or what they like to call "the uber-hip Meatpacking District"). And yes, it turns out this bar is, in fact, one of those bars that serves alcoholic beverages. Not only does binge drinking consist of a paltry five drinks, but you only need to have engaged in such once within the last month to make it into the stats. Such unseemly imbibing is not tolerated at the Hog Pit, as "anyone interested in bingeing should go elsewhere." The bartender says they "definitely cut people off," and she says it "sternly." Consider yourself on notice, B&T crowd.
Saloon-atics Are Still Drinking In the Moment in the Big Apple [NYP]
OK, so maybe Shake Shack has no vermin problem, but the Starbucks on 2nd Avenue and 9th Street? Or 57th Street and Park Avenue? Not so fortunate. Employees protested this morning against the multitudinous infestations of rats and roaches, shown here lovingly in both photo and video (rats dead, roaches very much alive). Would you like some cucaracha with that biscotti?
State senator Jeff Klein has released his "Dirty Dozen" list of New York's 12 most disgusting groceries, three of which are in Manhattan: Associated on West 14th Street, American Fu Zhou Grocery on East Broadway, and the Second Avenue Rite Aid on the Upper East Side. Apparently there's not much to say about Chinatown (or, oddly, Rite Aid?), but Associated gets a little explanation:
Bad news: Brooklyn borough president Marty Markowitz — the jovial Kings County booster whose accomplishments include installing a "Leaving Brooklyn, Oy Vey!" sign at the Williamsburg Bridge — suffered what we're told was a heart attack over the weekend or this morning. (His office is saying only that a stent was installed.
