Twitter has reportedly been valued by investors at $1 billion. Oprah's on board. And the company's founders are set to headline the high-profile D conference tonight. So it's odd they seem to see their own product as a repository for jokes about cleavage, bird shit and killing Jason Calacanis.

Fox News' Greta van Susteren is, according to a New York Times story published over the weekend, "defending her brand." But there's one thing she's not defending herself against, because the Times didn't ask about it: Her Scientologist husband's plot to infiltrate our political system to promote his cult's agenda.

Barack Obama will nominate Sonia Sotomayor to the Supreme Court today. She has been targeted since 1997 by conservatives as a "liberal activist" who might one day wind up on the Court, so they've got her dossier ready, and the cable networks are readying their graphics packages as we speak.

The rhetoric is over. The violence has begun! A bomber is on the loose! New York City has been struck by its fourth explosion in as many years, a slow reign of anarchist terror as the yuppies slumber. The message: "Bourgeoisie, repent or die." Or maybe: "We are bored teenagers."

Fleet Week is in full swing here in New York City, in honor of Memorial Day and all. I'm blowing off seventh and eighth and going to see the new Christian Slater, but I figured I'd leave with a sexy (um, sorta) sailor photo gallery. Happy Patriotism, everyone!

[The actress receives an honorary doctorate from her alma mater, Julliard, today; image via Getty]

Is there any creature full of more self-entitlement than a suburban parent? Yesterday, a bunch of kindergartners didn't get to tour the White House because they were an hour late. Their parents are outraged and, no, they won't reschedule because they're too busy, Mr. President That Hates Children.

Michael Saylor has written in with corrections to our item on him yesterday. The MicroStrategy CEO was was not in Cannes this year, as Page Six had it. And we used an old, fat picture!

[Actor Brad Pitt arrives at the Cannes screening of his new film, Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds; image via Getty]

Law-enforcement officials have been slamming Craigslist's prostitute ads for years. CEO Jim Buckmaster's response has been benign: We don't profit from the ads, we're very nice and friendly with the cops, etc. No more. Push Buckmaster too hard, and he will cut you, as South Carolina just learned.

[Today media that isn't the Today Show got a tour of the Statue of Liberty's crown in advance of its July 4 reopening; image via Getty]

Ha. Brad Grey, the forever-head of Paramount Pictures, is divorcing his wife of 25 years, Jill. The ex-missus just signed the papers and, out of either amity or cruel spite, she added a smiley face.

[Here, your paleofameball missing link, Darwinius masillae. Would it have killed it to put on a nicer outfit? Pic: Getty]

Being a startup is way more fun than being a business. Which is why we see Twitter and Facebook in seeming economic denial this morning. Who wants to confront financial reality, like Google?

A college-aged man was shot at Harvard just before 5 p.m. Monday. He lived. Two to three suspected assailants remain at large.

[A visitor attends a press preview for the new exhibit "Francis Bacon: A Centenary Retrospective," opening May 20th at New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art. The collection celebrates the British artist's 100th birthday; image Getty]

In flusher times, Google geeks set the agenda for company sales executives; distracting sidelines were encouraged. The recession — assisted by a new sales chief who apparently doesn't mind his diabolical reputation — foreclosed on such coddling.

[Artist Damien Hirst's "In this terrible Moment we are victims clinging helplessly to an environment that refuses to acknowledge the soul" on display at a soon-to-open new modern art museum in Munich; image via Getty]

Some guy shamed himself in a restaurant to try to get Jennifer Aniston back, Criss Angel is going around stealing cats all over Las Vegas, and Kate Gosselin is most definitely boning her bodyguard.

[Actress Aishwarya Rai Bachchan at the Cannes Film Festival premiere of Pixar's Up!; image via Getty]