• So, important election results: Which anchor won? The general consensus seems to be Charlie Gibson, although Tom Shales gives it to Brian Williams, with Katie Couric getting an "affably in command." Meanwhile, the kids at Fox News were kinda bummed. [WaPo]
  

• Bill Keller, everyone he knows, disagrees with NYT ombudsman (sorry, "Public Editor") Byron "Barney" Calame on banking story. [NYT]
  

At Fox News, it's an established trope that freedom is on one side, and terror is on the other. We're in a actual shooting war of freedom versus terror, after all, and that's one idea that Fox has no interest in evaluating in a "fair and balanced" manner. But the unfortunate truth is that freedom gets undervalued by those who supposedly enjoy it and dismissed by those who do not covet it. Terror, on the other hand — well, everyone is interested in terror. In fact, terror is FoxNews.com's best friend. After the jump, Intern Mary examines the October mentions of "freedom" versus "terror" versus site traffic on Fox News's online portal, where it seems that terror beats freedom on every single day.

After breaking his silence to Newscorp's New York Post this morning, Yale douchebag Aleksey Vayner decided against appearing on Newscorp's Fox News this afternoon. In his stead, Fox decided to interview Fraser Seitel, author of The Practice of Public Relations, as to what Vayner should do next. Nothing was particularly interesting about it, but we did enjoy this part of the segment, where Seitel calls investment bankers "self-serving," "narcissistic," and "preening." You hear that, i-bankers? You just got called out by a P.R. guy! That's got to sting.

• This may very well be the worst charity ad ever. [London Evening Standard]
• Oprah Winfrey gives Hearst Tower a handjob, calls it "out of the box." Yeah, it's that kind of morning. [NYO]
• Not even Times Square is safe from Bill O'Reilly. [THR]
• If you work at Time Inc. you should probably start boxing up your personal belongings now, just in case. [WWD]
• David Brooks is a terrible human being who will select whatever "facts" conveniently support his glib, tendentious arguments without regard for consistency. Also, he's a bad Mets fan. [NYO]

On October 6, 1996, Fox News first went live, ushering in what, years from now, will no doubt be remembered as a golden age of responsible media. Let's all celebrate with a two-hour montage, shall we?

We like to think that we're pretty much unshockable — especially when it comes to, say, Fox News. But prepare to have not just your socks knocked off, but also your feet, legs, groin, and thorax. Infamous hatepreacher Fred Phelps — the Godhatesfags.com guy whose congregation of lunatics routinely pickets the funerals of gays, soldiers, miners, or pretty much anyone dead — has threatened to picket today's funerals for four of the five Amish girls murdered in Pennsylvania on Monday. Phelps's daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, explained thusly:

What to do about closeted, homosexual, alcoholic Republican perverts? Turn 'em into Democrats, obviously. If only they'd figured this trick out in time for Frank Figueroa.

This Friday, October 6, marks the ten-year anniversary of Rupert Murdoch's greatest bid to indoctrinate the masses, Fox News. So how's it worked out?

Sure, we'll jump on that dogpile. If you glance at the Fox News "iMag" video dumping ground, you'll see a clip labeled "Campus Hook-Ups" under the "Back to School" category. Apparently this video has gotten various MSNBCers quite hot and bothered, and one can read a textual paraphrase of the naughty bits on HuffPo. In a nutshell, the clip advises new college students on how best to bang their way through higher education, albeit in the most vague, general, and obvious ways. For this, Fox is getting roasted, since it seems inappropriate that the conservative network should espouse free love with such straightforward vigor. All we can says is: Where's the fire? It's minor-key amusing that Fox is encouraging extramarital sex, but this clip is hardly less offensive than, say, "Dorm Room Makeover!". Plus, they do trot out some highly insincere advice about drunk-fucking, which can result in the postcoital walk of shame, illustrated above. They also suggest "dating" alternatives to bars, such as bowling alleys (which have bars, and with good reason). "Try different activities besides just the drinking thing." There are different activities?

• After breaking up with her boyfriend Harry Morton, rabid starlet Lindsay Lohan enlisted Paris Hilton's ex, Stavros Niarchos, in a complicated plot to make Morton jealous and win him back. Her scheme? Be photographed together. Lindsay, you brilliant minx! Too bad it didn't work. Meanwhile: the Chateau Marmont is finally getting rid of Little Miss Liability. [Page Six]
• Fox News DC bureau chief Kim Hume stepped down last week, supposedly because her husband, Fox News anchor Brit Hume, is an arrogant prick. The two bickered so much that they both independently called head therapist Roger Ailes to complain about one another. [R&M]
• A court throws out David Gest's $10 million lawsuit against his ex-wife, Liza Minnelli, after he's unable to prove that her beatdowns caused him chronic headaches. [NYDN]
• Disappointed to learn that he has no money without Whitney Houston, a ride-less Bobby Brown asks television producers for a new car in exchange for appearing on urban cable network One. [Lowdown]
• Don't buy that tweed blazer from Ralph Lauren; it probably has bedbugs stuffed in its sleeves. [Page Six]
• Star Jones sues the National Enquirer for claiming that her husband, Al Reynolds, is gay. Why is she inexplicably determined to continue the charade for no good reason? Unless, God forbid, she actually doesn't know about Al. [TMZ]

After the Fox News Sunday "smackdown" between host Chris Wallace and Bill Clinton — in which Wallace suggested that Clinton practically flew the planes into the Twin Towers himself — the blogosphere's been abuzz with overanalysis. But in the online clips approved by Fox News, you only see a kind introduction from Wallace and "Clinton Freaks Out" headlines. As for the full version of the interview that's been "leaked" without the appropriate political framing — Fox News isn't so happy about that. They've pulled the "unauthorized" versions from YouTube, lest viewers see the interview and dangerously formulate their own opinion. Sweet ol' Rupert's just looking out for y'all.

• You'll find a lot of information in this David Carr piece on how journalists are forced to act like C.I.A. agents, "encoding files, shredding notes and switching cellphones." What you won't find is any mention of the Observer, which reported essentially the same story two Wednesdays ago. [NYT]
• Nancy Grace, desperate to wrest the title of World's Most Vile Human Being from Ann Coutler, adds plagiarism to her list of sins. Ann Coulter is 45. [NYDN]
• Chris Wallace was stunned that a non-confrontational question suggesting that Bill Clinton was responsible for the deaths of 3,000 American citizens might have been taken the wrong way. [FishbowlDC]
• James Truman, footloose and fancy free, is learning to live without Conde cash. Culture and Travel launches Friday. [NYT]
• Jon Friedman wonders why H-P never tapped his phone. Maybe it's because when you write columns like "The media world is in convulsions" you're pretty much identifying yourself as someone who has no new information. [Marketwatch]

• The new McDonald's advertisements in China are downright sexy. Funny how'd they'd encourage any sort of sexuality in a country where the female seeds get killed. [WSJ]
• Frat boys, mount up: tonight's the launch party for Times Square's latest horror, the Hawaiian Tropic Zone Restaurant and Lounge. It's the 700 cubic tons of sand you've always dreamed of. [The Real Estate]
• The 22-year-old founder of Facebook wants to sell for $1.5 billion, and the twit just might get away with it. You ready to kill yourself yet? Here, use our knife and be sure to cut vertically. [WSJ]
• Fox News partially sponsored the National Lesbian & Gay Journalists Association convention in Miami Beach. Don't tell Rupert. [New Times BPB]
• Wow: Weird Al is back. We didn't realize he was gone, but hey. [YouTube]
• You can do a lot in NYC in a single day and spend less than $100. You just might have to go to Luke and Leroy's. Sacrifices, people. [Gridskipper]
• You still have a chance to have your dirty secrets immortalized in print — the forthcoming Gawker book is still taking submissions, and it's about time you told someone about how your refusal to do anal with your boss ultimately cost you that promotion.

In an interview with Barbara Walters, Fox News harridan Bill O'Reilly claims that the FBI told him he was on Al Qaeda's death list. Over at Radar, however, a little reportage reveals, shockingly, that O'Reilly sense of self might be inflated.

We just received an invitation for the above soiree. Sadly, we're otherwise engaged that evening (nothing interrupts "Club a Baby Seal Night" in our house) but if you do wind up going, watch out for O'Reilly; we hear he gets a little "handsy" after a few drinks.

• Apparently Maxim really is looking to go upscale; "subtle transformation" to be completed by October with debut of Chris Wilson's monthly art appreciation column, "Paintings That Will Get Their Pants Off." [FBNY]
• Fox News broadcasts hostage video of kidnapped Fox News journalists, immediately criticizes Fox News for undermining war effort. [Fox News]
• Jon Friedman "ashamed to be a journalist." Rest of profession ashamed about exact same thing. [Marketwatch]

• A San Francisco blogger / journalist has been jailed for refusing to turn over videotape to a grand jury. Note to prosecutors: We will happily deliver our Hasselbeck clip at any time and place of your choosing. [SFC]
• They're refurbishing the White House briefing room, because God forbid the press corps should lob its softballs in decrepit surroundings. [NYT]
• Fox News surprisingly non-homophobic. Apparently they only harass the women over there. [Out]

• Hearst mags to eliminate subscription cards for a month; will anyone dumb enough to subscribe to House Beautiful figure out alternative methods of contact? [WSJ]
• For $300 million you could pick up Ziff Davis. What you'd do with it is another story: the whole segment is dying. [NYDN]
• Couple of broads at Fox News got $225,000 in a sexual harassment settlement. Don't spend it all in one place, gals. [FOXNews]

Fox has published a partial transcript from Fox News Chairman and CEO Roger Ailes' appearance before the Television Critics Association, but we've got the unreleased portion of his dialogue with FNC anchor Shep Smith: