There's such thing as being too hands-on a parent. Take for instance Oregon mom Keemonta Peterson, whose box-cutter-assisted, do-it-yourself circumcision of her 3-month-old son resulted in a sentence of five years probation and psychological evaluation.

Although Anne Hathaway stopped by Conan tonight to promote her new movie, One Day, she spent more time talking about her upcoming role as Catwoman in The Dark Knight Rises. Hathaway said that during filming she almost reached her breaking point because of the aggressive paparazzi tracking her every move, but she coped with the stress by writing a nasty rap song about them. And then she performed it.

Police raided Florida's Haven Acres Cat Sanctuary (population: 692 fewer cats than they had before), and in doing so uncovered "the biggest case of cat hoarding the Humane Society of the United States has ever participated in." The proprietors of said kitty slum, Pennie and Steven Lefkowitz, are each facing 47 counts of animal cruelty, which includes one for a neglected rooster. All charges are third-degree felonies.

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert unveiled a word cloud representing the priorities of more than 50,000 people who responded to his call for a suggested focus of his new political action committee. Colbert then enlisted Republican spin doctor Frank Luntz to help him sift through the data and come up with the right language for a political ad. A clip of Colbert's chat with Luntz is above.

The FDA is to be commended for consistently raising the vomit-bar when it comes to cigarette warnings. Next month, they're rolling out nine graphic new labels — collect them all! — featuring the most impressive-looking cancer lungs and sliced-open cadavers we've seen to date. Take that, Saw movie campaign! But your favorite nic-pushers are done playing Mr. Nice Tobacco Conglomerate: They're fighting back! With lawyers!

President Obama left Washington yesterday aboard a $1 million armored black bus for a three-day trip across three states. The Obama administration is touting the bus tour as a way to focus attention on job creation and insists it's not a campaign trip. But Jon Stewart wasn't too convinced on tonight's Daily Show: "I'm sure the president just had some frequent Greyhound miles he had to burn by the end of August."

Having, through "a Facebook contest," effected a coup against the rightful mayor of Forney, Texas, 11-year-old despot Caroline Gonzalez chose to immediately flaunt her power by changing the name of the town's "Main Street" to "Justin Bieber Way."

Last month we brought you the story of Ohio State Sen. Kris Jordan (R), who was involved in a bit of a contretemps with his wife. Although she wound up not pressing any charges, the wife's 911 call during the incident included the worrying line, "He's mad; he's got the gun."

Gene Leonhardt, whose odd threats in defense of his daughter Jessi "Slaughter" spawned several internet in-jokes, has died of a heart attack at 53. In March, he was arrested for punching Jessi, who now lives in foster care. [via @Beschizza]

It's official: High school girls have a constitutionally protected right to post to Facebook pictures of themselves in lingerie toying with phallic lollipops. America is not Saudi Arabia, you know! We are not under Sharia law (yet).

Texas Governor and Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry knew exactly which organization to turn when he needed to hire a treasurer for his campaign—one that matches his almost exactly in tone: Stephen Colbert's.

To discuss "the plain and often uneasy facts of adoption," Huffington Post Black Voices editor Rebecca Carroll wrote an opinion column called "The Adoption Taboo." Subtitle: "Is There Temptation For Fathers of Interracial Daughters?" Uh oh. I'm not sure I like where this is going.

A 14-year-old kid in Georgia wounded his grandmother and killed his great-grandmother with a "34- to 36-inch sword" on Monday. Fourteen years old! It had to be rap music, right? Or heavy metal? Or—no—videogames.

Today isn't only the day Elvis died. It's the day another pop legend, Madonna, was born. She was spotted celebrating today in London with her kids and her new 24-year-old boyfriend. Boy, he really does fit the mold.

New York City already has four huge Apple stores, which are doing fine keeping the city's residents stocked with overpriced pieces of metal. But that's not good enough for Brooklyn borough president Marty Markowitz. He's begging Steve Jobs for an Apple Store.

Jack from Will & Grace is working on a new TV show, about gay things. Also today: Jim Belushi is heading back to television, Bradley Cooper makes a wise decision, and there are too many Jeff Buckleys.

Menopause things! Cancer secrets! Exercise longevity! Teen sleepers! Prostate genes! Virus superdrug! Healthy obesity! Addiction breakthrough! And Alzheimer's patients demand pancakes! It's your Tuesday Health Watch, where we watch your health—in an ultimately futile manner!

Here's a trailer for the bawdy new period sex (historical period, grossies) comedy Hysteria, about the invention of the vibrator. Mr. Claire Danes himself Hugh Dancy plays a young man tasked with calming the nerves of hysterical women by, well, giving them the big one.

Finally, the Republican got a mighty presidential candidate to bring them to the promised land in Rick Perry, governor of Texas. Will party voices now stop clamoring for new "white knights" to jump into the race and save them from the totalitarian reign of mild-mannered technocratic centrist Barack Obama? Of course not.

Did you know Hustler publisher Larry Flynt has a Huffington Post column? Whereas most celebrity Huffington Post columnists say nothing in as many words as possible, Larry Flynt says nothing in as few words possible. His post today on online privacy is a strange masterpiece of brevity.