You've waited two years for this (or maybe you haven't), but if the thought of watching the election returns at home tonight depresses you, rest assured that nearly every bar or restaurant in the city will be tuned into the coverage. Many will be offering silly drink specials and silly live performances, too! After the jump, a long list of events at a bar or restaurant near you where you'll be able to celebrate or mourn, depending on what happens.

If you haven't voted yet, it's not too late! The polls in New York City will remain open until 9 p.m. You can find your local polling site here, or you can call 1-866-VOTE-NYC.

♦ Election returns may set TV viewing records tonight, assuming there's some "suspense." [AP]
♦ What's been on cable news channels all day? Mindless talk and speculation, for the most part. [TV Decoder]
♦ It's possible the networks will call the election before the polls close. [THR]
♦ Some of the high-tech wizardry in store tonight: CNN plans to feature 3D "holographic images" of the network's remote correspondents in its New York studio. [WSJ]
♦ More trouble for tabloid kingpin David Pecker: John Miller, AMI's chief operating officer, has resigned. [NYP]

Here's some clear-cut evidence that Sarah Palin's chances are fading fast: Palin wigs at Sheitel.com have been slashed by $100! [Sheitel.com via Clusterstock]

CNN election coverage through the years [via HuffPo]

Dan Rather won't be covering the election tonight for a major American network. The longtime CBS News anchor, who remains embroiled in a $70 million lawsuit against his former employer, signed with the French cable network Canal Plus a few weeks ago to provide election commentary to French television viewers. Supposedly he'll be on the air this evening to cover the returns and he'll return tomorrow to offer up some post-election analysis. (It's unclear how his "Ratherisms" will play with audiences on other side of the Atlantic.) But in the meantime, you can take a look at this clip which has been touting his arrival on French TV in recent days. It's in French, but the opening introduction is priceless: "In the United States, he's as well-known as Mickey [Mouse], as popular as Elvis."

If you haven't voted yet and you're wondering if you're going to have to wait for hours, there's good news: the crowds appear to have subsided at some polling stations around town. Unfortunately, that's not the case at some of the busiest spots, as you'll see in this clip from NY1. And if you do ending up cooling your heels for an hour, just remember that it could always be worse: At least you didn't get into an argument with election officials like Tim Robbins and almost get arrested!

When Diddy promoted "Vote or Die" in 2004, there were rumors that he didn't even bother to go to the polls himself. Guess there won't be a question this time around: He posed for photographers outside his local polling station in Midtown this morning. Click through for photos of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Hillary Clinton, and Bill Clinton performing their civic duty.

So Starbucks announced a few days ago that it would give away free coffee today to anyone who voted. It turns out that doing so constitutes a felony under election law in many states: Apparently, it's illegal to offer a gift to someone to induce them to vote. So the coffee at Starbucks is now free for everyone today, not just those who assure the barista they waited an hour on line at the polls this morning. If you want to finish off your coffee with some ice cream, Ben & Jerry's is giving away free scoops between 5pm and 8pm.

There have been reports of very long lines at the polls this morning. More than 400 people were already assembled outside P.S. 9 in Prospect Heights when the polls opened at 6 a.m. Confusion reigned outside the Hell's Kitchen polling station at 520 West 45th Street, where lines reportedly snaked around the block. Elected officials have had to patiently wait their turns. Chuck Schumer passed the time on a Brooklyn sidewalk chatting on his cell phone. Michael Bloomberg was No. 270 in line when he turned up on the Upper East Side this morning and he spent 45 minutes chatting with reporters and aides before getting a chance to make his pick. One person ahead of him? Eliot Spitzer. [NYT, WNBC, NYP, NYO]

The polls in NYC will be open from 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. today. You can find your local polling site here, or you can call 1-866-VOTE-NYC. (If you're outside the city, check here.) Not sure if you're registered to vote? You can look yourself up here.

With the presidential election just hours away, it's worth taking a moment to reflect on what George Bush will miss most when he goes from running the most powerful nation on earth to becoming the most hated president in modern American history. Will it be the power? The ability to twist the law to suit his own political agenda? Not according to his former chef, Walter Scheib. What he's really going to miss are the delicious huevos rancheros whipped up for him on Sunday mornings. Fortunately Scheib was willing to share Bush's fave recipe with Fox News, which you can see for yourself in the video to your left.

An estimated 66 percent of economists plan to vote for Barack Obama, while 80 percent of CEOs plan to support John McCain. [TheBigMoney]

Just in case you've been asleep the last year or so and you've missed the non-stop news coverage of the election up until now, the folks at 236.com have helpfully summarized everything that's happened in about a minute and a half. [236.com]

The site yeswedid.com is already anticipating an Obama victory. And Sarah Palin's hopes for 2012 have already suffered a bit of a blow: The domain ElectPalin.com is directing visitors to BarackObama.com. [NYO, Jossip]

Not a moment too soon, the prospective first ladies have received some invaluable advice on how to handle life in the White House from Holly Peterson, socialite and esteemed author of The Manny, who appeared on Fox over the weekend just moments after stumbling out of bed, judging by her unbrushed hair and croaky voice. Not that this detracted from the depth of her wisdom, as you'll see.

The most important election in a generation is just four days away. Every day brings fresh news about the crumbling American economy. So how are good 'ol Americans coping with these turbulent times? They're buying guns in record numbers, of course! That's what Fox News is reporting, at least, which says FBI background checks are up nine percent from last year. And just in case you weren't aware of it, this increase is all Barack Obama's fault. Decent Americans are just buying up lots of guns now so they have them in case Obama wins the election and he changes gun control laws, in which case you'll have to pry their semi-automatics from their cold, dead hands.

Good news if you're an employee of the Trump Organization! Your exceptionally kind-hearted boss, Donald J. Trump, is giving you an hour off from work next Tuesday so you can go and vote. (Just one hour, though, so don't go making excuses about how your polling station is Brooklyn.) He isn't the only one. If you happen to work for one of the 2,372 companies owned by Time Warner, consider this video by Jeff Bewkes as official notice that you're permitted to skip out of the Time Warner building to perform your civic duty. Not registered? Not a US citizen? See you across the street in Central Park!

Out has a piece online about the gay men on the campaign trail who are covering this year's presidential election. Strangely absent: any discussion of the gay anchors back in the studio. [Out via Portfolio]

♦ Teen Vogue is opening a retail outlet at the mall in Short Hills, New Jersey. It'll be called "Teen Vogue Haute Spot" and, no, this is not a joke. [NYT]
♦ More than 20 percent of American households watched Barack Obama's infomercial on Wednesday night. [NYT]
♦ Joe the Plumber is pursuing a country music deal and could have an album out by Inauguration Day, although we're going to assume this won't be Barack's musical choice for the big day. [Politico]