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Advertiser Foot Worship

mark · 01/06/06 02:48PM

Join us in firmly, but gently, grasping the feet of this week's sponsors and applying soothing pressure to their barking dogs. Without them, we'd be offering sessions with our magic hands for five bucks an hour at some sleazy "spa" on Hollywood Boulevard. If you'd like to advertise on Defamer and tempt our spend-thirsty readers with your sexy products or services, see this page.

Trade Round-Up: Touchstone Searches For Motorcycle Helmet Big Enough For Travolta's Head

mark · 01/06/06 02:30PM

· Pixar's stock price jumps on whispers of an imminent deal with Disney, but as of last night, Disney's people were mum about any progress. Such stalling can only mean one thing: Paramount is going to buy Pixar. [Variety]
· We hate to make snap judgments about a film project based on a few sentences in a trade paper story (OK, we don't hate it, that's what we do every day), but the pairing of John Travolta and Tim Allen in a sort-of City Slickers Meets The Hell's Angels flick sounds about as appealing as hitting oneself in the genitals with a red-hot monkey wrench. We have no idea why the wrench needs to be hot, other than a room-temperature tool didn't sound like it would do justice to the concept. [THR]
· Sharon Stone will be awarded the first Cinema for Peace Award for Social Responsibility during the Berlin Film Festival in February. We're not at all surprised. There was something in the way she masturbated in that bathtub in Sliver that let us know she'd one day be an important instrument for global change. [Variety]
· My Name is Earl does OK in its first Thursday showing, coming in third overall and second in the key demographic for its timeslot. The premiere of Four Kings wasn't a disaster, but the show should quickly settle into its role as the sacrificial lamb to the Must See sitcom gods so that Earl and The Office can continue to live on Thursdays. [THR]

Jake Gyllenhaal Keeps Gene Shalit From His Dream Cowboy

Seth Abramovitch · 01/06/06 01:36PM

Gene Shalit has been the Today show film critic for 31 years now, not because he has anything particularly insightful to say, but because it's fun to look at a man in permanent Groucho nose glasses every morning. But Shalit's bizarre Brokeback Mountain review yesterday has revealed a dark side to Bozo the Pringles Guy that none of us could ever have anticipated. An exerpt:

The Blind Item Guessing Game: Back To The Blow

mark · 01/06/06 01:02PM

Wherein we invite our readers to submit themselves to the stroke-inducing linguistic stylings of humpy E! gossipist Ted Casablanca, and after painful rehabilitation of the cerebral language-recognition centers damaged in the problem-solving feat, guess the identity of his weekly blind item. Casablanca returns from holiday with another tale of booger sugar abuse, but instead of the usual starlet-in-stall antics, this week's mystery snorter seems to be a little older. (One of the hints frees Judge Judy from suspicion of blowing rails off her gavel.) Inhale One Chatty, Snorty Blind Vice:

Behind The Chuck Norris Mystique

mark · 01/06/06 12:54PM

By now, your inbox has probably been visited a dozen or so times by an endlessly forwarded list of "facts" about legendary Walker, Texas Ranger star Chuck Norris ("Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried." etc etc), a litany compiled from the Random Chuck Norris Fact Generator. The LAT (by means of reprinting a Washington Post article from earlier in the week) tries to deconstruct the Norris Mystique, and who better to hold forth on the subject of the man's enduring appeal than the stoic actor's publicist?

Star Jones' Husband Al Is Legged Like A Hetero Horse

Seth Abramovitch · 01/06/06 12:17PM

Poor Star Jones. She finally nets herself a man, someone who can see past her unconventional looks to her inner non-beauty, and what happens? He's dogged with gay rumors, founded on utterly circumstantial evidence like being spotted on the gay part of Fire Island and at all-male Halloween parties dressed in a Speedo. Well, enough is enough! In her upcoming memoir, Shine, Jones attacks the issue head on, extolling husband Al Reynold's superhetero bedroom prowess:

Annals Of Advertising: Capote Rings In The New Year

mark · 01/06/06 10:40AM


Back Stage's Cuts blog noticed this ad for Capote that ran in the LAT this weekend and found its juxtaposition of holiday whimsy and serious subject matter pretty jarring. No, it's not exactly Munich's assassins in Santa hats, but we see their point. If anything, we think that the folks at Sony Pictures Classics marketing department really missed an opportunity to fully explore the New Year's promotional concept and completely destroy Philip Seymour Hoffman's credibility. We pick up the slack for them after the jump:

Short Ends: Britney Or Not-Britney

mark · 01/05/06 08:22PM

· Whether or not this is a picture of Britney Spears is rather unimportant. If we believe it to be Britney, then it is Britney, in all her incognito. Sidekicking glory.
· Thanks to the LA CityBeat for reminding us that the NY Times bought Gawker Media (our "company," if you've been asleep for the past 18 months) for $32 million. (Maybe they picked up this story, explained here and made brilliant here?) Still waiting for those benefits to kick in. [via Fishbowl LA]
· We had no idea what a "Yindie" was until we read this LA Weekly list, but here are 10 reasons why the Yindie apocalypse is nigh. Also, if you're really desperate to read another list, your editors contributed one they wrote while drunk.
· Seriously, though: What's up with this whole Walmart website thing with the Planet of the Apes and the Dorothy Dandridge movie and whatnot?
· There are probably many reasons why these three men are laughing, one of which is that each of them is rich enough to buy the moon.

To Do: Music, Headbands, Divorce

mark · 01/05/06 07:10PM

· Thursday night music round-up: Mellowdrone does an acoustic set at Spaceland; the promisingly named Flood & Mudslide Season Warm-Up Party starts tonight at the Echo with Veronica Lipgloss.
· Tonight's Loose Tooth/URB event at Joseph's Cafe no longer has hipster scene staple Steve Aoki at DJ, but still promises to completely slake your thirst for partying with people in headbands.
· "Celebrity divorce attorney to the stars Stacey D. Phillips" (is that redundant, or is this woman famous on her own?) signs Divorce: It’s All About Control: How to Win the Emotional Psychological at Book Soup. Denise Richards and Jessica Simpson may or may not be in attendance.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: Welcome To The New Year Edition

mark · 01/05/06 03:15PM

Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are authored by our readers, and skimmed by our editor without concern for proofreading. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put “sighting” or “PrivacyWatch” in the subject line) and let the world know about your proximity to Kirsten Dunst while she tried on some bikinis.

Cowboy Heartache, Unfiltered

Seth Abramovitch · 01/05/06 03:01PM

Behold the topical M bius strip birthed from our pal Towleroad's inspired word and image juxtaposition: The melancholic catchphrase of one of the year's most admired movies, poised above the American icon that movie purpotedly subverts, who in turn are merely Madison Ave. constructs whose sole cynical aim is to sell us on an addiction far deadlier than forbidden cowpoke love. Result: the mind folds in on itself in a moment of purely "made in the USA" meta social critique. Nice!

Folsom Prisoners Go Star Crazy For Visiting Joaquin

Seth Abramovitch · 01/05/06 02:43PM

The much publicized Joaquin Phoenix appearance and screening of the Johnny Cash biopic Walk the Line at Folsom Prison took place Tuesday; after the movie was shown, Phoenix performed some Cash songs for a select group of inmates, as the rest of the 4,000 prisoners watched on closed circuit TV from their cells. Phoenix was then given a tour, which gave him a first hand look at Folsom culture:

Trade Round-Up: Directors Finally Embrace Spielberg

mark · 01/05/06 01:48PM

· DGA members, fearing the wrath of Guild deity Steven Spielberg, nominate him for their best director award, causing the Maestro to drop his preemptive plans to throw together a highly personal film about his tragic snubbing by his contemporaries. Others getting the nod include George Clooney for the black-and-white one, Ang Lee for the gay cowboy one, Bennett Miller for the one nobody saw, and, sigh, Paul Haggis for Crash. [Variety]
· And you knew this already, but Jon Stewart will host the Oscars. The over/under on the number of times Stewart attempts to extricate himself from a failed joke by adjusting his tie and speaking in a strangled, schticky voice is 15. [THR, Variety]
· Vincent Young's dynasty-ending last-second Rose Bowl scramble leads ABC to a major Nielsen ass-kicking. [Variety]
· Trade news that actually makes us happy: Fox and Paramount are bringing Comedy Central's Reno 911! to the big screen with Reno 911!: Miami, in which the cops hit the beach for a law enforcement convention during Spring Break. [THR]
· Further proof that people will buy nearly anything if high enough while wandering a Blockbuster: Direct-to-video sequel American Pie Presents: Band Camp wins the week in DVD sales. [THR]

Waiting For Disney And Pixar To Do The Deed

mark · 01/05/06 01:05PM

We've all been waiting since October for Apple/Pixar's Steve Jobs and Disney's Robert Iger to finally escalate the coy eyelash-batting and game of footsie the two moguls publicly engaged in while presenting their iPod content partnership. Now, with rumors of a new deal between the companies, Pixar's stock price has swelled, leaving us all in breathless anticipation for the tongue-wrestling sure to accompany an official announcement about a studio sale (or some other union). Unfortunately, analysts have to spoil the prurient fun of a hypothetical consummation by asking the "big questions" about whether or not the whole thing is even a good idea. From the LAT: